[CandleGlow]

Hi, my divorce was finalised in August this year. It has been a very traumatic year in many ways, the divorce was all done by myself, with no solicitor!
We separated 1 year ago, and I think I am just reaching acceptance.
Depression has totally consumed me since we split, but I feel hope again - that is positive.
Just sometimes feel like I need some support, as friends and family seem to be of the mindset, well, it's over now! Not fully understanding it is a grieving process, same as any other loss.
I have also lost 2 doggie friends this year, loss of work, career and financial security. Just feels like so much loss
It is good we have each other here....

[Big Mama]

Hope things look up for you soon. You are at the right place for support.

[missbelle]

Glad you joined us here. I have made a lot of nice cyber friends here. Its been good for me to read the posts, and also help people with advice and also ask for advice and help!

Sounds like its been a tough year. I hope things get so much better for you!

[shezbut]

Hi Gabby,

Yep, you have been through a lot of difficult and painful changes in your life ~ just in the past year! I have been divorced for 2 to 3 years now, and I still get the blues when I think about it. The difference is that I think about the loss less as time passes.

We do have children together though, which requires regular interactions with my ex-husband and cooperation with one another for our daughters' emotional health.

I hope that acceptance continues for you and lessens your pain day by day.

[tallwaters]

I have been divorced 5 years. It took me awhile for acceptance. I am happy to say we are now friendly with each other. I lost so much over the past years also loved ones have died and lost financial security as well. Grieving is hard be gentle and loving with yourself. It does get better promise!

[CandleGlow]

Thank you all, it can be a long process I know - so good to have your support!

[nicoleflynn]

I have been divorced for 8 years after 31 years of abuse. I still grieve for what I never had; it is a process and takes as long as it takes to feel a little better. Counseling is a good idea, also. Hugs, Alicia

[Leed]

Bless your heart -- you're right, it's a grieving process that we must goo thru. Maybe we don't grieve for the loss of the spouse, but we grieve for the lost years we spent married, that didn't go well, or that were miserable. We grieve that we wish we hadn't married at all! There are a lot of reasons to grieve when we divorce. I was married for 26 years when I divorced, and boy did i grieve the lost years!

many times we lose friends thru the divorce too. ALL my friends dumped me when I divorced. My then ex had told them all kinds of lies and they wanted nothing to do with me. They never gave me a chance to defend myself, so I figured they were no friends of mine.

I hope you haven't lost friends thru this but if you have, don't sit home -- make sure you get out among people and make new friends. You're free now, so have some fun!

I wish you the very best. Keep posting ok? We'll be here for you. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Mike_J]

Do a Google search for "Divorce Care" it's a 12 week class (I'm in week 2) designed to help people in your situation. It's a free class that is offered in WAY more places than I would have ever thought.

[CandleGlow]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

Do a Google search for "Divorce Care" it's a 12 week class (I'm in week 2) designed to help people in your situation. It's a free class that is offered in WAY more places than I would have ever thought.

Thanks Mike, I googled it, no groups local to me in the UK

[CandleGlow]

The 'process can be so confusing at times. I do feel I have reached acceptance, that's not to say it doesn't still hurt. Like all healing, I swing from feeling relieved - that the destructive times are behind me - then I think of some good times...
Tonight I feel a bit of anger - that I allowed him to mess me about, mess with my head and feelings, continual lies and lots more....
I think loneliness is a big thing for me now, and trying to adjust. My children are adults, and busy with there own lives. I like being alone, but I can isolate too much... I want company, I don't want company lol - just rambling, but good to get it out!
Thanks everyone

[cherryjogging]

Hello Candleglow, my divorce came through in August as well, Its really wierd how you can live with someone for 18 years and now we dont even talk to each other, for me it was such a relief when i moved out and felt it was a positive thing, but its still takes along time to adjust to a new life, and you have to take time to grieve,
best wishes
caroline

[CandleGlow]

Originally Posted by cherryjogging

Hello Candleglow, my divorce came through in August as well, Its really wierd how you can live with someone for 18 years and now we dont even talk to each other, for me it was such a relief when i moved out and felt it was a positive thing, but its still takes along time to adjust to a new life, and you have to take time to grieve,
best wishes
caroline

Hi Caroline
Thanks for your message
Sorry you have recently gone through this experience too
You are right about the grief, it does take time, same as losing someone through death. In some way's I find it harder, because our loved one's didn't choose to leave us when they died. I know healing is taking place all the time, but I still think of him every day - not in the sense of wishing we could go back, but just that dawning again, like you say about living/being with someone for so many years - and some time it just washes over you - omg, he's with someone else now. Just feels so weird! and painful still.
I think it is re building our lives too, and adjusting to being single again. And supporting ourselves etc.
How are you feeling today, do you have children? Sending hugs