My 2nd post

hi there,

This is my second post.the first one I had posted contained my life problem I am presently struggling with.

This post comes with the intemtion of making genuine friends here in the forum;to help each other cope with our issues and move forward positively in life.

Hello!

Nice to meet you!

Krissy

Hello Krissy,

Nice to meet you too!How are you doing today!!!Keep posting.

Hi Lukkhi and it's very nice to meet you!! I hope we can become friends! Keep posting, ok? I'm sure we'll get better acquainted in time. Hugs, Lee

I am planning to visit a therapist for discussing ,y issues after a month and half.meanwhile self -introspection going on.

After I acepted my divorce there has been no contact from side to my EX.I kind of feel very good with all the being a doormat over while he did not have the heart to accept my apologes(neither the intention to see his mistakes);He everyday in my mind is strongly turning into a stranger;Thisis all so strange ;one moment you are too stay together forever and the other moment one decide all that was false;

Foremost I am worried about my carreer.Currently with parents had left my job.now am planning to prepare for acompetitve exam and enroll for a better job.This usually takes a tough planning of around 2 years while I have is three months.Hence I will have to sit night and day to achieve it;and it will be like a dream job.pray for me guys I be successful in it;

Hoow are you all doing???????Let me know how is it going for you??????TC

There is one thing which I face just like now;that being the feeling of wanting to strangle and humiliate and beat my 'EX soon to be';I feel that he had no right to fool and propse me 11 years back when he was not in love with me;my 11 years of life seems to ahve gone;and i feel I have been totally drained and sucked ;

I am aware ,eevry thing in my life is the consequence of amy action(infact I am the one that let him fool around with me);
I just feel like now-to go and hit him in public,if he is having affair then pull the AP hair and throw cat's and human dung on them literally,tell that hs action towarsd me is as good as raping me;I am not able to throw my anger away;

Either its always anger towards that scum or it is hatred and excessive guilt for myself;
End result-are the explosive behaviours I display ;

I know you're angry, and you probably have good reason to be. but what good is this anger doing? He doesn't even KNOW you're angry, and lets' be honest -- you can't do all those terrible things to him that you want to do in public. LOL You'd get arrested for one thing, and for another it wouldn't make your anger go away -- it would only add fuel to the fire. So the best thing to do is try not to even THINK about him or his actions, and keep yourself busy going other things. And for heavens sakes, don't feel guilty!! It certainly isn't your fault that he turned into a creep! YOU didn't make him have an affair. It wasn't YOUR fault that he cheated, the big bum.

It's good you're going to see a therapist -- he'll help you deal with your anger and frustration. I wish you luck in your new career too! I hope everything works out! God bless and keep posting, ok? Take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanks Leed!!!!

I know I cannot do such terrible things to that person,in reality I dont want to;he is no-one;just that the lost years and the me now;overwhelmes me sometimes,and i get crazy;
I am aware it is my lifeand I am responsible for the good or bad in it,no-one else;

Yes,the only thing I have to focus on is to clear that exam;if I do;I will have finally done something positive;thanks for your prayers;

Keep posting and let me know how are you doing....

Sharing my dark side and dark incident again!!!!

I again exploded over actually nothing;my parents me and sister were having breakfast!!!!!!And my father's mood had been upset since yesterday!!!That really puts me off and makes me feel abnormal;he seemed to avoid me but was talking properly to my sister;
I just got mad at that behaviour and it started growing;and withing 5 minutes i had lost myself ,,,,went on saying bad things ,abusive things loudly to all of them except my sister;;;;

Later after 5 minutes whn I was alone in a room,I felt all drained,and sorry and gulity;;;;;i apologied to my sister;;;but do not why i do not want to go and apologize to my parents;;;
which normal and good human would ever think abusively about their parents;i do not thnkabuseiviley,,,,,,but i became verbaly abusive in total madness,,,,,,i am full of extreme guilt;;;;;;

i ahte myself,really......i try to move on in life happily...and this happens and i am back to the same state;;;;

my sister just came to visit us and because of me she is so sad.......i hate myself again....

apologized to all,though yet angry and sad at myself;;;;but peaceful now