[startingoveragain]

so three months ago my partner left after a three year relationship. things had been hard, really hard at times. My mood from my major depression weighted both of us down and we fought a lot.
We were also in love and talked about getting married and having a family regularly......

my heart is in pieces and after 23 years of dealing with this pain, i'm well and truly over it. I hate what it has cost me and the pain I have inflicted on others and myself.

I miss her everyday and I am trying my best to be well through diet, exercise and therapy and now mood stabilisers. But I guess I just feel so alone, my friends are great but don't really understand. Can anyone else relate to feeling angry about what they have lost?
I don't want to focus on the negative, in fact i'm trying my hardest to stop all my negative self talk but, sometimes I just feel so angry

[Leed]

You say you're in therapy, correct? Have you worked with your therapist to find out what you're angry AT? You said you have dealt with the pain that depression has cost you and that you're "over it." So that can't be it, right?
But then you say you hate what it has cost you and the pain you have inflicted on others. So obviously you're not "over it."

I think you have more exploring to do with your therapist about your anger issues. If you're not currently in therapy, I would advise you to go back. When the anger and negative self talk gets in the way it's time for some help.

I wish you the very best. I hope things work out for you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Startingoveragain,
sorry that you have been in such a bad place lately, breakups are never easy especially if it wasn't mutual.
I am glad you are taking care of yourself by going to therapy- it does help to talk about a break up with someone who just listens and cares.

I am sorry to learn of the breakup they are never easy, and it takes time to grieve the loss.

If you feel you are stuck on a particular feeling, I would encouage you to speak with your T so you can get to the root of it. That is your best chance at healing in a healthy way and moving forward with your life.

If you just bury the feelings, even on your best of days, if and when you are ready to give it a go again, more likely than not, you will end up playing out your unresolved emotions on the next (poor, unsuspecting) person.

Wishing you all the best. Hugs to you.

[startingoveragain]

Thanks for your feedback and kind words. Yep, still going to therapy and trying to work out where all the anger comes from. Im certainly not going to inflict it on anyone else, my focus is on being well and trying to never hurt anyone again the way I did. It's complicated but mostly I just need to take responsibility for my moods and for directing my pain in a constructive manner
If only it didn't hurt so much! But I guess that's where the learning is

[dismas]

I am too old and tired to be angry but I sure know how you feel.