[Candlejack]

For the past 6 months, my wife and I have been living apart, during the week, due to my job, more or less. For the past 3 months or so, our relationship had been going really sour. I feel like I'm constantly under her thumb. She tracks me on her phone, she's constantly asking me what I'm doing, and because I've been letting her get away with it, I've basically got to ask her if I can come and go. It's really just pathetic. I'm finally tired of it. When I'm gone she drives me nuts, but I love her, so I miss her. When I'm home, I can only stand her in doses. We still have sex sometimes, I'm not sure why. I can't remember the last time I had received any unsolicited afftection aside from her

We got married pretty early, I was 21 and she was 20. I had joined the military a couple years before that and she had never been away from home. I was a hellraiser as a teen and she grew up going to church every sunday. I guess the writing was on the wall from the beginning. Of course I hadn't taken everyone's advice and waited on marrying her and I feel like I'm paying for it now. All of this would be so easy to correct if it weren't for my 15 month old daughter who I'm crazy about. I'm about to move from California to Texas and I'm about to lose my mind because I can't make it up about what I want and need to do. I could do without seeing her for quite some time, my daughter on the other hand, not so much...

[Leed]

Are you still in the military? Why do you have to move? Have you asked your wife to move too?

What about marriage counseling ? Don't you think you owe it to your marriage to give it a try? Marriage counseling can help show HER what she's doing wrong, as well as show YOU what you're doing wrong. It takes two to ruin a marriage, not just one. So I'm sure the therapist can try to get you two back on track, if you both are WILLING. But if you think it's too far gone, and the feelings are gone too, then there isn't much use. I just think it's a tragedy when a child has to grow up without their daddy. It breaks my heart, and this country is FAMOUS for that. I don't think there's another country in the world with a higher divorce rate than the U.S. plus we have the unwed parents too who split and leave the children fatherless. It's pathetic -- these kids deserve better. They surely didn't ASK to be born.

I wish I knew what to tell you. The MOST IMPORTANT thing in this whole mess is your DAUGHTER --- and she's the one who's going to suffer for this. And she's innocent, so I really don't know what to tell you. I wish you two could grow up and try to make it work with marriage counseling. But that's up to you , my friend. I wish you the very best!!! I don't mean to sound harsh -- I really don't. It's just that I feel for these children -- my granddaughter's parents split, and she's 17 now and they split when she was 7 yrs old. She's STILL having trouble with it, and is in therapy. You have no idea how it effects chidren. God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[healingme4me]

Sounds like you are looking at moving far away from your daughter. Is there a new job opportunity?

Stay or Go, but you are still being intimate. So, er, um....

[hannabee]

I agree with Leed You have no idea how divorce affects children. Truly devastating, IMO. I wish you could try and work things out.

[Candlejack]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Sounds like you are looking at moving far away from your daughter. Is there a new job opportunity?

Stay or Go, but you are still being intimate. So, er, um....

I'm currently active duty and have orders to a new duty station, that's why we are moving. As of right now, everyone is coming along, which adds more to the mess.

As far as the intimacy, I'm just as confused as you. I get lulled into a sense of normalcy and security when I'm home, but when I'm gone, I'm quickly reminded of how miserable I can be.

I'd love to give counseling a try. I've been to therapy and I think it's helped me out, but given me good insight to my dark, deep down thoughts that haven't been great for my marriage

[healingme4me]

Is marital/relationship counseling available, on base? Maybe that combined with a little individual counseling, to help you with the darker thoughts that you have. Have you been overseas, before; asking if that may contribute?

We all bring our own pains to whatever relationships we are in. And it's good to see your desire to face your own.

Has she been hesitant about coming with you? It's not an easy life, but I hope you find the stability and peace in your relationship that you deserve. Your daughter will grow up knowing that both her parents gave it a chance!

[Candlejack]

Unfortunately there's no kind of counseling offered on base and my insurance doesn't cover marriage counseling.

Luckily, I've been able to stay out of the sandbox and my PTSD is not combat related.

My wife has no problem telling me when she feels that I've come up short in any area concerning her. I've been guilty of tuning her out in the past and I feel bad for it, but everyone has their limit. When I come to her about how I feel, which is very rare anymore, she gets angry and hurt with me or she says I'm freaking her out.

I've be dx'ed with PTSD, depression, I've got anger issues, so I understand that I can be difficult to deal with sometimes. I feel like I'm way too much personality for a single person. I think she tries to understand me, but I end up usually just feeling more alone after talking to her. I'd like to get it all figured out for my daughter mostly, but I'm afraid that I can't do that with my marriage intacted.

[healingme4me]

Well, two individuals in therapy, can help a relationship, when joint couples counseling isn't financially feasible. Would she be willing to?

Her pointing out 'your' flaws, isn't taking accountability in her own behaviors that she brings to the table.

Trying to save a marriage, takes two willing parties. You sound willing, is she?

Originally Posted by Candlejack

Unfortunately there's no kind of counseling offered on base and my insurance doesn't cover marriage counseling.

Luckily, I've been able to stay out of the sandbox and my PTSD is not combat related.

My wife has no problem telling me when she feels that I've come up short in any area concerning her. I've been guilty of tuning her out in the past and I feel bad for it, but everyone has their limit. When I come to her about how I feel, which is very rare anymore, she gets angry and hurt with me or she says I'm freaking her out.

I've be dx'ed with PTSD, depression, I've got anger issues, so I understand that I can be difficult to deal with sometimes. I feel like I'm way too much personality for a single person. I think she tries to understand me, but I end up usually just feeling more alone after talking to her. I'd like to get it all figured out for my daughter mostly, but I'm afraid that I can't do that with my marriage intacted.

[Candlejack]

I'll ask her if she'd be willing to go. She's really stubborn and truly believes her way is the good and right way. This is worth fighting for though, so we'll see what happens. I'm willing to fight for now, but more so for my daughter than my marriage. I feel like we're becoming more and more different by the day. I love her, but I've realized that love alone does not make a happy marriage.

[healingme4me]

Hope she realizes how much you want things to work.

[patchwork5]

I realize you may not be religious, but - if all else fails, talk to a chaplain. Any military chaplain is going to be both interested in helping you and well aware of local resources that could help you with this.

[leaJ]

Originally Posted by Candlejack

Unfortunately there's no kind of counseling offered on base and my insurance doesn't cover marriage counseling.

Luckily, I've been able to stay out of the sandbox and my PTSD is not combat related.

My wife has no problem telling me when she feels that I've come up short in any area concerning her. I've been guilty of tuning her out in the past and I feel bad for it, but everyone has their limit. When I come to her about how I feel, which is very rare anymore, she gets angry and hurt with me or she says I'm freaking her out.

I've be dx'ed with PTSD, depression, I've got anger issues, so I understand that I can be difficult to deal with sometimes. I feel like I'm way too much personality for a single person. I think she tries to understand me, but I end up usually just feeling more alone after talking to her. I'd like to get it all figured out for my daughter mostly, but I'm afraid that I can't do that with my marriage intacted.

No counseling offered on base and your insurance doesn't cover marriage counseling. Am I the only person who sees a problem with this? We make psychiatric care unavailable to the people who probably need it the most...WTH??? I am a nurse planning on going back to grad school for my psych NP and this really gets under my skin

[rantyraina]

You should go..

[KittyKay]

such good comments, please read them all again and again! These people are fantastic here - wish I could read more often!