[bird_lover]

Please forgive me for this post.....I just need to vent before I go insane. I am sure my dad is going to divorce my mom very soon. I thought he should have before, I thought he knew everything that happened in their relationship, what she has done to me and my younger brother, but my dad did not know the whole story until a few days ago. My mother has lied to him time and time again. I have PTSD from her cheating and I seriously think I am going to vomit if I start to think about it a lot.....My mom had 3 boyfriends that I remember. I have constant flashbacks of it, the one guy actually hit me and my mom did nothing to stop it. Today my dad thought it would help me get beyond this if he drove me to those houses....he started down the road. He had no idea I remembered the roads and the flashbacks started. I told him what I saw, how mom was so happy with those men and promised her life to them, each of them......

So tonight when my mom gets home, my dad might confront her. He wants to talk to my brother first, but he has not called back yet, as he is still at work in SC (we are in PA). I just want to know.....I have experienced turmoil and uncertainty in my parents' marriage before. I begged my dad to leave but I never said why. This time he knows. He said this time him and I might just buy a house in NC and move and start over. What is divorce like? My dad will need a psychiatrist and a therapist to help deal with this, that I know. How do I help him??? My mom blames me for everything already (even though I have not brought this up in over 5 years) and has recently told me I should check myself into a psych ward yet again.... Just wanting to know what to do to help support my dad....I can see the pain in his eyes when I look at him. I am just wondering what all hell is gonna break loose later. I am scared. I am 31. This all happened to me when I was 4, 5, and 6. I am just now dealing with it.....my mind is forcing me to.....any suggestions on how to support my dad would be much appreciated. My mom cut him off from all his friends....she has severe mental illness......sigh.

Originally Posted by bird_lover

Please forgive me for this post.....I just need to vent before I go insane. I am sure my dad is going to divorce my mom very soon. I thought he should have before, I thought he knew everything that happened in their relationship, what she has done to me and my younger brother, but my dad did not know the whole story until a few days ago. My mother has lied to him time and time again. I have PTSD from her cheating and I seriously think I am going to vomit if I start to think about it a lot.....My mom had 3 boyfriends that I remember. I have constant flashbacks of it, the one guy actually hit me and my mom did nothing to stop it. Today my dad thought it would help me get beyond this if he drove me to those houses....he started down the road. He had no idea I remembered the roads and the flashbacks started. I told him what I saw, how mom was so happy with those men and promised her life to them, each of them......

So tonight when my mom gets home, my dad might confront her. He wants to talk to my brother first, but he has not called back yet, as he is still at work in SC (we are in PA). I just want to know.....I have experienced turmoil and uncertainty in my parents' marriage before. I begged my dad to leave but I never said why. This time he knows. He said this time him and I might just buy a house in NC and move and start over. What is divorce like? My dad will need a psychiatrist and a therapist to help deal with this, that I know. How do I help him??? My mom blames me for everything already (even though I have not brought this up in over 5 years) and has recently told me I should check myself into a psych ward yet again.... Just wanting to know what to do to help support my dad....I can see the pain in his eyes when I look at him. I am just wondering what all hell is gonna break loose later. I am scared. I am 31. This all happened to me when I was 4, 5, and 6. I am just now dealing with it.....my mind is forcing me to.....any suggestions on how to support my dad would be much appreciated. My mom cut him off from all his friends....she has severe mental illness......sigh.

I am so sorry for all of this that you've been through. and as a father who's had 2 wives, one that cheated without a doubt, the other I'm pretty mucn 99% sure did.. I can tell you that the easier part of it is probably the divorce. having to deal with the idea that he'd been lied to and cheated on and is just how finding out is going to be the hardest part for him. The betrayal is very painful.

Be there for him. You can't make this go away, you can't take the pain away he'll have to get through it in time. And make no mistake it does take time. Nothing you can do to speed up the process but he will need your support very much. Just be there to listen and hear him out, be there to let him cry on your shoulder as I know there will be many days like that ahead. Just do what you can to make it so at least his challenges ahead will not be faced alone.

That's really all you can do.

My heart goes out to you and especially your father.
S4

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by bird_lover

I am just wondering what all hell is gonna break loose later. I am scared. I am 31. This all happened to me when I was 4, 5, and 6. I am just now dealing with it.....my mind is forcing me to.....any suggestions on how to support my dad would be much appreciated. My mom cut him off from all his friends....she has severe mental illness......sigh.

Divorces, can be dramatic, for many. I was a child, when my parents divorced. There was much drama, plus that involved custody issues, et al.

You are an adult, it can be, equally as trying, on an emotional level. However, sounds like you've been half-expecting this day, to come, which means, you may be better braced to accepting it, compared to some adults who have felt the rug was pulled out from under them.

I'd probably guess, many unkind words may be expressed, by you mom? Just based on your OP.

Being there, for you dad, is just giving him, time to recover, and being a supportive shoulder. You can't grieve his grief, for him, as he has to do that himself. Just support him, in his decisions. It sounds positive that he's willing to take the therapy route. Will, you move to be closer to him?

[bird_lover]

Actually, I live with both of them now. I don't want to, but when my fiancee cheated on me, I left and came here. All hell did break loose. My mom and dad left. When they came back, my dad was mad at ME, and he told me my mom had denied all of my memories and what I said happened. She claimed she never cheated, which she had confessed to before. Well, my mom still denies everything I told my dad happened and she says I just got that from movies and books, like I just pulled that from the sky. Now I think they both need help, esp if my dad decides to stay with her after she lied to him over and over again for 40 years of their marriage. He told her in front of me he believes me over her. He asked me if it was the voices from before that formed these "memories", I said, no, these are real. I will be supportive of my dad, I just am confused as to why he would not divorce my mom immediately when he really does believe me and just by looking at him I can see the hurt in his eyes and he tells me he feels like my mom ripped his heart our of his chest while it was still beating and then ran it over with a train. I feel like this is killing my heart, too. So I will support him in his decisions, this is his life, not mine, but if he does decide to stay, I will be quite confused......