4 years later...

I was 20 when I got married and he was 8 years older than me. We got married after being together shortly because I got pregnant. My ex is a first generation Serbian American. Thus the rules of marriage and how a woman should be are a bit more strict than here in America. After our son was born I got terrible post partem which is bad because I'm already bipolar. So at that time I started working two jobs and took care of my son. My ex made us move in with his parents and he decided he didn't want to find a better job than cooking 10 hours a week for his parents restaurant that ended up being my second job when they wanted "us" to take it over. My ex decided while I was at work it was okay for my Aunt to watch our son and he could just sleep in and play his damned video games. Well after a year and a half of this continuing and me having no sleep, being depressed and unable to go to the psych because my husband didn't believe in it, I got addicted to pain killers. I have a horrible body because of a bone dieses and they wanted me to do surgery but because I was supporting my family and my husband wouldn't let me, I couldn't. So that was it, pop, pop, pop. More and more opiates. So when my son was 18 months old I got the balls and left my husband. That was a bad day. He had always told me terrible things about myself. He used to hit me occasionally. But when I left it got worse. I got death threats, I got hit while holding my son, he tried to get me with my son. It was brutal. The divorce was actually fast and easy. But the reason for that was because everything I wanted I didn't get. My ex didn't have a job so I made more than him so I couldn't get child support. I tried to get full but couldn't because that cost another $1000 for the lawyer that I didn't have. His parents had money from the restaurant. But they cut me out when I left so I had nothing. So he won. Well won in the way that I didn't get what me and my son needed. So my ex is still in his life. We have joint custody and he decided to finally get a job and be an adult who's 36 years old. Still lives with mommy and daddy though. But here's the thing. He hates me, he's hated me since I left. He won't go to my sons school, he has never met any of his teachers. He doesn't bathe him, feed him, change his clothes or wash them. He doesn't play with him or even acknowledge him. My son hates his father. He cries when he has to go over there and see him. He couldn't come up with 10 reasons his dad is good for fathers day. Well now my ex has a girlfriend. Hurrah. My son likes her but my ex told her how bad I was and now I believe she's trying to take my place. I'm not active about it but there it is. But you see that isn't the problem. For some reason even though we hate each other it bothers me that he has a girlfriend. I know I hurt him, I destroyed him. But I didn't do it on purpose. I was miserable and it was a bad environment for my son. We don't get along. I try. I've asked him a million times to just be civil with me for our son but no he won't. He's still mean to me and yells at me and talks bad about me to my 7 year old. My son loves me more than anything. Being with me makes him happy. But I just feel weird knowing that my ex has a girlfriend who is in my sons life. At his 7th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese my ex came with his girlfriend and I met her. I didn't have a problem with her at all. I just feel weird. I don't know if I'm jealous or annoyed because he cares about her now more than his son. It's all weird to me. And another thing, I've been depressed since I was 14. Or rather diagnosed with bipolar but after the divorce I got worse. Even though I got off the opiates for a long time now I've just been worse. I don't know if it's because I feel bad for what I did or if it's something else. All I know is I'm more depressed than ever and him having a girlfriend annoys me. I'm "happily" in a relationship for the last year and half but there's just something off about me now. I'm sorry, I know this post is confusing and I know I talk in circles, it's something I'm working on...

It is not totally uncommon to have such feelings when an ex connects with someone new. It takes time getting used to. I'm glad your in a happy relationship now. It will just take time for you to get used to your ex being with someone else. And don't assume he treats her better than he did you.

Just do your best to continue to show your love for your son. He will know what is true and what isn't.