[mcenarc]

we had talked about separation before. She did I talked her out of it, but she has moved out now. She has moved in with her recently widowed dad and transferred with her job. I stay in the house with the kids all teen agers. in my mind I think I should be trying to get her to stay that she wants me to do this, but the other side is I am tired. Tired of it all, the eggshells the wondering if she is happy today. we have been married 15 years

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC.

That is really tough. 15 years is a long time. I am sorry.

[hamster-bamster]

I think there are two options: you just go about your busy days (a house full of adolescents must keep you occupied, right?) and wait to see what happens to her, and, go talk to a lawyer about your options in divorce. You do not have to try to get her to stay. You already have your hands full and she should be appreciative. You do not owe her anything else.

[eskielover]

Depends really on why she left & what it was that she no longer could tolerate about the marriage that caused her to leave. There is nothing you can really say.....it needs to be up to her whether she's willing to come back or not.

I stayed married for 33 years (the last 13 years of that we were separated but living in the same house).....it only made life worse not better......if she's out there is some reason she needs to be away & she needs to work out what the issues are & she needs to communicate those reasons to you so that you can have an understanding of why she left......but honestly at the time I was living with my H in the same house, I didn't know just how bad things were until I finally got out 7 years ago.....then I could finally see the forest for the trees & I was finally able to define all that had been wrong for those 33 years. I wouldn't have had the insight at the time I left, I just knew there were serious things wrong that were really making me angry.....distance & time has given me the capability to put words to those feelings.

I feel the best way to fight for a marriage is to let the person go & understand themselves. Then it can be worked out or NOT. If both are willing to go to marriage counseling....that would be a good idea to talk things through.....before I finally left, we were both seeing my T.....those sessions only made me realize just how much I really disliked my H....& never had loved him.

She may come back....but then again, she may not want. The important thing is that when an opportunity to communicate arises.....make sure you communicate.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by eskielover

The important thing is that when an opportunity to communicate arises.....make sure you communicate.

I think that is right (it is not easy, but it is right). You cannot force her to communicate, but you can remain available to communicate should an opportunity to do so arise. But it is not easy - you may feel compelled to keep talking to her and persuading her.

[healingme4me]

How are your kids handling this? Have you worked out a visitation schedule, preferably one that doesn't involve your home? Are you receiving child support? Even in a separation the custodial parent can and probably should apply.