[Achy Turtle Armor]

I only wore a thin white gold band but it was obviously important to me. The divorce papers have all been signed and submitted to the judge. Just waiting for it to be official but I decided today was the day to remove my ring. I don't know what to do with it other than stick it in a drawer.

My husband mentally abused and controlled me and even though it is over he was still able to control my day today. I felt like I was in that same nightmare again and I got really scared.

I don't know what I am trying to get across here I guess I just needed to get this out. Thanks for reading.

[hannabee]

Just read this.. it may be helpful!

Being kind and understanding is very different from allowing yourself to be abused, mistreated or disrespected. Sometimes there’s a thin line between compassion for other people, and abuse of self. Being spiritual does not mean we allow ourselves to be injured, dumped on, taken advantage of, or treated like a doormat. When you’ve lost your self-respect and you’ve allowed your tender heart to be handled in a reckless way, you’ve betrayed the most vulnerable part of yourself, and that’s the source of your light and your strength. There is no true spiritual practice that demands you hand that over.

Sometimes I get emails from people wondering where the line is. I’ll tell you what I think. I think in order to help, nurture or support anyone else, we have to be doing those things for ourselves, first. You can’t be a source of strength for anyone if you’re doubting your worth. And if someone is treating you badly, your job is to remove yourself from that situation. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to cut this person out of your life (although it will mean that in some instances), but before you can figure out what to do or how to respond, you have to get yourself to a safe space. I mean that physically, mentally and emotionally. You are not here to participate in the dimming of your light, or the crushing of your spirit.

We can recognize when people we love are in pain. And of course, it’s natural to want to help. But we can’t save other people, or fix them, or make them see how beautiful they are. And when a person is in acute pain, you’re likely to get some spillover.

This is where boundaries come into play. Standing up for yourself does not run counter to having empathy. You empathize, but you get the hell out of Dodge and do that from a distance where you can still honor and protect your own gorgeous heart. If someone is in a space where they abuse you, neglect you, belittle you, or discard you like trash, you really can’t participate in that and feel good about yourself. It’s okay, and it’s imperative to say no sometimes. No, this is not okay for me. You deserve love and kindness and respect as much as anyone else. And you serve no one by forgetting that, or compromising your own sense of what’s right.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations we never thought we’d allow. I think most of us have been there at least once. Sometimes it’s romantic relationships, sometimes it’s familial, once in awhile we allow ourselves to be abused by a “friend” or co-worker or boss. Maybe it’s insidious. Things start out well enough, but little by little things deteriorate, until one day we wake up and wonder what happened, and how exactly we landed ourselves in this painful situation.

Start where you are. If you’re being abused in any way, get yourself some support. Gather yourself up and remember your work here is to love and to shine and to connect. And do whatever you need to do to make yourself safe. That’s your baseline job. That’s the number one thing. Because until that basic need is met, until it’s safe for you to be vulnerable, you won’t be living.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by hannabee

Just read this.. it may be helpful!

Being kind and understanding is very different from allowing yourself to be abused, mistreated or disrespected. Sometimes there’s a thin line between compassion for other people, and abuse of self. Being spiritual does not mean we allow ourselves to be injured, dumped on, taken advantage of, or treated like a doormat. When you’ve lost your self-respect and you’ve allowed your tender heart to be handled in a reckless way, you’ve betrayed the most vulnerable part of yourself, and that’s the source of your light and your strength. There is no true spiritual practice that demands you hand that over.

Sometimes I get emails from people wondering where the line is. I’ll tell you what I think. I think in order to help, nurture or support anyone else, we have to be doing those things for ourselves, first. You can’t be a source of strength for anyone if you’re doubting your worth. And if someone is treating you badly, your job is to remove yourself from that situation. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to cut this person out of your life (although it will mean that in some instances), but before you can figure out what to do or how to respond, you have to get yourself to a safe space. I mean that physically, mentally and emotionally. You are not here to participate in the dimming of your light, or the crushing of your spirit.

We can recognize when people we love are in pain. And of course, it’s natural to want to help. But we can’t save other people, or fix them, or make them see how beautiful they are. And when a person is in acute pain, you’re likely to get some spillover.

This is where boundaries come into play. Standing up for yourself does not run counter to having empathy. You empathize, but you get the hell out of Dodge and do that from a distance where you can still honor and protect your own gorgeous heart. If someone is in a space where they abuse you, neglect you, belittle you, or discard you like trash, you really can’t participate in that and feel good about yourself. It’s okay, and it’s imperative to say no sometimes. No, this is not okay for me. You deserve love and kindness and respect as much as anyone else. And you serve no one by forgetting that, or compromising your own sense of what’s right.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations we never thought we’d allow. I think most of us have been there at least once. Sometimes it’s romantic relationships, sometimes it’s familial, once in awhile we allow ourselves to be abused by a “friend” or co-worker or boss. Maybe it’s insidious. Things start out well enough, but little by little things deteriorate, until one day we wake up and wonder what happened, and how exactly we landed ourselves in this painful situation.

Start where you are. If you’re being abused in any way, get yourself some support. Gather yourself up and remember your work here is to love and to shine and to connect. And do whatever you need to do to make yourself safe. That’s your baseline job. That’s the number one thing. Because until that basic need is met, until it’s safe for you to be vulnerable, you won’t be living.

Thank you. That was helpful.

[eskielover]

Thin or not, white gold has a value & personally I would sell it & take the money & do something JUST FOR YOURSELF. It will add another layer of distance & significance of ENDING to your life....& it won't be sitting in your drawer haunting you as your ex seems to be doing.

Make all the breaks & for me, I had to set up the rule that there was absolutely NO communication that wasn't in writing. Email or letter. At the beginning allowed texts but at the end, I changed my phone number because he had given it out to creditors & then when he didn't pay they were calling me....2100 miles away...I had no idea what in the world he was doing & he never communicated in the first place.

I love living so far away....I needed that break for many other reasons but it really helped except for getting MY things from the house....7 years later & I still have cloths & things in what was OUR house....no money to go back & no money to move anything.....

But making the break & drawing the line is the most important part in divorce...if you don't have any kids, you don't have to worry about EVER having to talk to him again or have anything to do with him....so the best is to END it permanently.

[healingme4me]

When the time is right, you'll know what to do, about the ring. Mine's long gone and sold. I've known of someone who wanted to do a Lord of the Rings thing with theirs.
There's lots of possibilities, when you're ready and at that point.

Eventually, you get used to a ringless finger. It's a process.

[eskielover]

LOL....I have to laugh sort of at myself.....We had just yellow gold bands when we got married because I told him if I couldn't see the diamond I didn't want one........ok....so later on......I decide since we were both engineers it was time to buy a diamond that I could see so I found this pretty ring that has a marquis & pave diamonds around the side......I bought it with my own earnings so I just used it as my wedding ring...lol.

Part of me says sell it, you can use the money....& part of me says...I like the ring I bought for myself for my wedding ring.....in many ways, I'm glad the ring doesn't have the meaning that a real wedding ring would have had.

Then there are the times when I would rather leave a ring on so that I don't get bothered by anyone.....there is a benefit to that also.