Separated

I want to break my silence. Me and my wife of 13 years separated. We separated because I gave her an ultimatum to get help for here drinking problem and to stop with her online chat rooms. The drinking was there right through out our marriage and it was because of an incident that landed her in ER that she realized she needs help with it too. She tuned to online help and these sights have online chat rooms with online substance abusers.

For a short while I could start seeing the difference but then things just got very bad. She would be up till all hours in the morning and be drunk while on online chats and I spoke to her to seek help. I finally had enough and gave her the ultimatum in hope it would “wake” her up.

She said we should separated and we did but instead of really getting help she said I’m crazy for calling her an alcoholic and she want her independence and want to be single. She doesn’t want to answer to anybody and she just want to experience life. She said no one has the right to tell her how to live her life!

We got married young but I wish we could somehow find a compromise for the sake of our 2 kids and for our own benefit. I’m really hurt and I’m not sure how to deal with the pain, it’s eating me up inside and yet I should not because I’m the one who put up the ultimatum. I just never though I (and my 2 kids) would come off second. This is part one but I would love the input from other people here.

I think sometimes when you get married at a young age as you get older you realize you never had any freedom to do what you want because you got tied down in marriage .So you end up rebelling and acting out like a kid.
If she is drinking to much then it becomes a toxic relationship to you and the kids . Make sure the kids are protected and not in danger of mom being drunk .

Thank you, input like this means a lot. Im just hurting because she is really hurting 3 people and changing there lives forever. Just for her own benefit because it is for her own gain she is doing this. Very selfish I think.

It's hard to fathom how an addiction can tear apart a family, yet, sadly, happens all too often. I'm close to a few families, that this has happened. Self, included, like your case, no-one is going to say 'that' of my ex(says him), but reality is reality.

The important thing, is that you remain strong for yourself and your kids.
Are you the full time caregiver, at this point? Will the trip to the ER sway a custody agreement?
Reaching out, to all available supportive resources, is important.