I am not happy in my marriage at all !
We have our up's and downs but lately it's been down and it's not going up !
My husband treats me like a child , talks to me like a child , makes me feel like a child !
We have 0 interest I like to save he likes to spend , I like the outdoors he likes being inside , I go out of my way to make him happy he goes out of the way to make me feel like crap .

I told him last night I want out of this miserable marrige , I can't take it anymore , he dose not understand or care about my mental illness . I have a bad memory so I repeat thing's and he snaps at me and then I just flip out .

I once again slept on the couch as I always do , haha .. You see in the movies the guy sleeps on the couch NOT he never has it was always me .

I am so tempted to just pack what little I have and just take off . He tells me go do it ! I know once i do I won't be able to return he told me once you leave do not ever come back !
Gee that's what my dad told me as well .

I have no job as I am on SSD , I want to move far far far away from here and if I make it to TX that would be my place of rest . I look on CL and see if I find free rent and board in TX saw some but I am scared to take the step even tho I am at my wits .
Do I just get a ride from someone going to TX or drive down there and he could call the cops on me even tho it's under my name .
I love for my kids to come with me but they won't , they like where they are and that is fine , don't want to mess up there lives .

Do I fly and be free or sit and die

[healingme4me]

How old are your kids, and how long have you been married. Leaving a marriage is a big decision, leaving the kids behind a challenging decision? How often would you be able to visit? Would your husband villify you to the kids?

Is a little solo vacation, an option, to give yourself time to take breathing space and sort through what you need from separating?

I have 3 kids , 19 years old boy who is getting ready to join the military because my husband is forcing him to join .
My 16 year old daughter and a 14 year old son . They are doing great in school so I can see why they don't want to move and we just moved 2 years ago .

I thought I could wait until my youngest son finishes school but we have been fighting so much that I don't think I can wait 4 years .
I wish my husband could understand what I am going threw but he doesn't yet he belittles me when I say or do something wrong .

We have been married 20 years came close to leaving him 2 years into the marriage , I really want to go but deep down I know I can't and I think he knows that and uses that to is advantage .

[healingme4me]

There's much to consider. Has there been a history in your marriage of moving around? If you moved, leaving him with the kids, would he have to move them? Being degraded in front of the children is considered unhealthy parenting. Is there a reason he cannot take the high road and mirror respect to you? If your oldest, doesn't join the military, what are the consequences to him? Ideally, military service is voluntary out of a sense of duty and love for country. Are your other two children on track for college scholarship? What's eating at your youngest? Is this a sudden change in personality?
Sure, you've a mental illness, yet, that's no reason for anyone, especially a husband to not show respect. Not showing respect, damages trust. Has he has any counseling or support groups to learn more about your health, so he can be a better supportive partner?

Not baraging questions to force you to answer here, self reflection. .reply if you desire of course...i sometimes ask even myself a slew of questions as I make any life changing decisions.

We have moved 8 times over the course of our 20 year marriage , before I met my husband I moved a few times , I don't like staying in one place very long . I'm more like a river then a pond .

When I met my husband I told him to see if he can have his job relocate to another state that I wanted to live badly But this boss wanted him here so we stayed . I have not let go of the dream to move there but it feel like it's never going to happen . Now that my husband feels the company is going to go under within a few months he's been looking for a job .
I told him this is our chance to move there and he is dragging his feet about it knowing how long I have been wishing and hoping .
We moved 8 times in the same state sorry that is not going to cut it .

My husband degrades all of us at how smart he is and how dumb we are ...
If my oldest son dose not want to join the military he has to move out . My son and I looked and he saw a few places but he dose not make enough money to get a nice place to live , personally I think he is picky and spoiled and expects his place to look great .

I do think he needs the millitery he's a smart boy but lazy as hell and needs a good kick in the *** . He may hate us now but thank us later with an education , better paying
job . Then just working 9-5 and playing video games all night long .
My husband wants all of my kids to join the millitery , they can pick a career of there choice . Air Force seems to be the best pick .

The reason why I want to wait until my youngest is done HS is because we would have money saved up. My husband would not go to counseling because he feels he is right about everything . I think with the stress with work as always he puts his anger on me and the kids .

I know my marriage is not healthy and it's making me worse and I am glad I am able to get meds. and see my doc. because my husband has good insurence .

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

. I think with the stress with work as always he puts his anger on me and the kids .

I know my marriage is not healthy and it's making me worse and I am glad I am able to get meds. and see my doc. because my husband has good insurence .

The health insurance is often a clinching deciding factor, as well.
Stinks, when the dream seems mutual, but one party find a way to reneg and it's always some excuse or another. Plus, never know what the future holds.

If your kids are all going military, then you'll both be free to decide on what direction to go in.

Even if works stressing him, no need to not be a nurturing, loving, supportive partner.

I don't know, seems so common. It's much easier to lash out, I guess, than nurture the bond, keeping the vows. The ideal of trust, is that the loving husband will treat his wife, respectfully, cherishing. Yeah, who doesn't get over tired? Who isn't exhausted?

I'll get off my soapbox. I can see why you are ready to vacate him. Promises, that are broken...

I have to say thank you for talking to me this few days , I really need to talk to someone outside my family as I talk to my mom about my marriage problems but she just says " well do you think I am happy with my husband " ( step dad )
She even offer to come with me once her husband passes away ...

When my husband and I fight ( yell at each other ) we are like two tornadoes then after the storm last about 1-2 days then everything goes back to normal , not fix but normal .

I don't want to leave him heck I want him to come with me and the kids . That is what I really want , But then he reminds me how unstable I am and it really pisses me off because I know I need meds. and right now it's not working because I am just starting on them in a low dose . Going on a higher mg on thursday .

I guess I just needed to vent I feel better today then the other day and I sleep back in the bed last night and we talked not about the problems just general stuff , so the silent treatment is over at lest for now until the next fight .

This is why our marriage has lasted we fight then move on until he brings it up again then we fight ..crazy . This is not a normal marriage but it seems to work or I am just in a delusnal state of mind .

But thank you , you helped me I am calmer and not ready to go out the door .

[healingme4me]

Being given the silent treatment is Walking on Eggshells, for sure. I'm not keen on often hearing the reactive partner in a volatile relationship as labelled the 'unstable' one, when clearly being triggered in a psychological warfare type of relationship.

If it's environment creating reactions, how can it be truly organic? Be gentle on accepting labels, when in such a marriage.

[ming dynasty]

if you can live financially on your own . leave and find another you will be happy!!! you would not be in the relationship you are in if you was looking from the outside looking in would you . if you can financially get out go!

I'm not financially able to live on my own . I am stuck in a marriage that should of never been in the first place .
The government controls my money as I am on SSD and I am not aloud to touch the money because I am unable to take care of myself so my husband has my money as he is the
payee .
That is why my anger is so easily to out burst because I feel like I was back when I was a child and stuck in an abusive home .
Got into another fight and he tells me to get out , I have no were to go so I lock myself in the bathroom and cried .

[healingme4me]

Can you ask for help through the ssa or other agencies, explaining that you are trapped by his payee status? Maybe a woman's resource network?

Talking to the SSD case worker is no help at all , she is rude to me and tells my husband things I said that I didn't .
I even ask for a new case worker and they said no .
One road block after another .

[eskielover]

I talked to Social Security about getting a payee for my STBXH because he's financially incompetent at the age of 62. They have payees that are a professional group.....you can ask them to change it to that because of personal issues you are having with your H. Your disability money would still be under a payee but it wouldn't be controlled by your H.

I live 2100 miles away from my STBXH so they definitely understand that there are times when the H/W aren't the right person for the payee position especially if the marriage is breaking up & that is all that you have to tell them at this point.

Do you have to pay them a fee for being a payee ?

[eskielover]

The organizational payee's can charge up to 10% sounds like normally $39/month
Here are some links from SSA regarding payee's:
Social Security - Representative Payee Program - Fee For Service
Social Security Administration - Representative Payee Program

Just click on the areas you want to read about.

Thank you