[Mkrylataya]

I have been married to my husband for 5,5 years and he has been battling the substance abuse disorder for all this time. He lost his job, never was able to find another stable employment, got in tons of problems with law, got arrested several times, convicted, jail time, all of it you name it.

This whole time I lived in hope he will stop one day and thing will get better, but it seems like I am starting to lose my hope.

I have been supporting him and us financially, working and paying the bills, including his huge lawyer's bills. We bought a home in my name, and I have been the one paying for everything. He would occasionally get a job for a couple months, help a bit, and then again lose it and it's all on me again.

I have just had it. I see no future any longer with him, and even though i love him, i cannot stand living like this anymore in a fear of him getting drunk again, stealing my money to go and do bad stuff like cocaine or getting more drunk (after which he gets arrested pretty much every time).

I want and NEED to live. But I feel no way out. My whole paycheque goes into paying mortgage, bills, and our credit card debts. He will not leave , i tried kicking him out already, he is not one of those honourable men at all. So he will stay and object me saying i would like to sell the house. He wont agree to sell it. Yet, he does not pay a single cent towards it and is not willing to leave! I cannot afford paying rent if i left on top of mortgage and bills for place he lives in!!!! How do i get out of this nightmare?!??? I feel so stuck .... Anyone can offer any suggestions? Any experience like this?

[jelly-bean]

First of all, if the house is in only your name, it is not up to him to say you can or can not sell it. The house is yours and it is your decision not his. Second, I would start the divorce proceedings (maybe there are lawyers who do probono work or discount work for low income families where you are) and once you have some papers in your hand you can call the police and make then get him out. I think you are right and your future is without him. However, only you can take the first step and then follow through on it.

[FreyaRavenwood]

Hi Mkrylataya, I do understand what you are going thru. My situation isn't exact, but similar and I certainly know the feeling of being STUCK! I will post more soon when I get more time. Meanwhile, I wish you the best.

[FreyaRavenwood]

Hello again Mkrylataya, Ive been thinking about your post, I really don't know what kind of advice I can give, seeing that I'm pretty much in the same boat. I feel stuck too. So what I can say is that I know what your going through, and I feel your pain.

My man doesn't go around doing drugs and getting arrested (anymore) but he is an alcoholic. The things everyone tells me is "life is too short to live this way" "you have to do what is right for you" but it is so hard when they won't LEAVE!

I'm not sure how much of a help I can be, but vent away! Sometimes that alone can make you feel better, even if you don't find a resolution. But, we are stuck, and I hope one day we find ourselves un-stuck and happy.

[Mike_J]

To force him to move out you will have to evict him, that means giving him an eviction notice the whole ugly mess. I would contact a lawyer, many will give you a free consultation.

You could sell the house, get an apartment in your name, make sure you get all the paperwork done for letting him know he has to vacate the house on the date that the sale closes. Then if you don't ever let him move into your new apartment (not even let him in the front door for a moment) then you won't have to worry about evicting him because he was never a resident of your new apartment. It's a rather cold way to do things but might be the best option.

[Mygrandjourney]

Take care of yourself and make sure you have support and safety measures in place no matter what.

[bebop]

I am going thru pretty much the same thing. Mine is addicted to pain meds and stays home so he doesn't get in trouble but our divorce was final last week. I kept the house because it is mine and in my name only. You can sell it with or without him. Once you sell it he has no choice but to move on. Get you something you can afford. Hang in there. Mine will move out at some point but due to his other health issues and no one else to take care of him right now.

[Bill3]

I don't know the law but I wonder if eviction isn't a better course than actually selling your own house, when (I gather) you don't want to, for the sole purpose of getting rid of him.