[Pearl3]

I'm considering separating from my husband of almost 10 years. We have 2 very young children at home and I'm a stay at home mom. Wondering if anyone out there has gone thru this in a similar situation?
Here are my reasons-
-he cheated on me (I only found texts) while pregnant with my first child
-he does not do any household chores
-he is very ego centric and narcissistic
-he has blocked me out completely of all forms of intimacy
-we have very different personalities and horrible communication

I feel more like a hired maid and nanny then his wife. I'm well educated and can find work but enjoy spending time with my 2 kids and I'm not sure if I should wait until they are older to leave or do it now. I'm feeling very guilty.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Pearl3

I'm considering separating from my husband of almost 10 years. We have 2 very young children at home and I'm a stay at home mom. Wondering if anyone out there has gone thru this in a similar situation?
Here are my reasons-
-he cheated on me (I only found texts) while pregnant with my first child
-he does not do any household chores
-he is very ego centric and narcissistic
-he has blocked me out completely of all forms of intimacy
-we have very different personalities and horrible communication

I feel more like a hired maid and nanny then his wife. I'm well educated and can find work but enjoy spending time with my 2 kids and I'm not sure if I should wait until they are older to leave or do it now. I'm feeling very guilty.

Why do you feel guilty? Kids pick up on what's going on in the home. If your husband is self-centered and you two are estranged from each other the kids will know something is up by the time they're 4 or 5. If you fight or argue loudly, they'll know even sooner. If he cheated on you before, he will likely do it again given that you say he has "blocked you out." People often stay together for the kids but often it's a bad idea. Kids would rather be with two separate happy parents than two parents together who hate each other.

[nicoleflynn]

I waited 31 years......I wish I had had the information (that is out there now) about abuse. I would suggest getting counseling....for yourself to help you make a decision.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life, and started me on the journey to freedom from abuse.

[continuosly blue]

I would suggest from experience that if you don't get some positive communication going and things don't change the earlier you get out the better.
Just would like to say though that you are describing how YOU feel about him.
Does he know this ? How does HE feel about you , the kids , the marriage in general ?
Do you even know ? Have you suggested counseling ? Do you really want to give up on the marriage ? These are some of the questions that I think need to be looked at before you make a possibly rash decision. If everything you say is true about your husband then I don't think that's the kind of person I would want to be around much longer.

[ChipperMonkey]

Build your support network now. Find a therapist. Strengthen relationships with friends and family members. (You will need them!) Formulate an exit plan (even if you don't use it).

Kids know everything. It may be hard on them, but right now you're teaching them that it's ok for a man to treat a woman poorly as they see the family dynamics. You and your kids deserve better.

This doesn't even sound like something to work out.
The next thing is logistics.
Divorces cost money. I know a friend who had a family friend help her fill out the paperwork. You have to decide who will live where and what you will live off of.
I am sure you know all this.
I hope you find some people to give you tips.