[Music is me]

Hi everyone.

I'm new to this forum so I hope this is the right place to post.

Me and my husband have been together 10 years. We have two children. I suffer from psychosis and my husband says he can't cope so we have separated. I'm receiving help from the early intervention team and that's helping but I need advice on how to cope with the break down if my relationship. My husband says he doesn't love or want me anymore. He fell in love with my other personality and now she's gone and it's just me he missed her. He says it's like grieving.

He still lives with me but I can't talk to him about anything because he gets annoyed. My Counciler says it have to prepare for when he leaves because it will be easier for me to cope. The problem is he's a man with a very high sex drive. He's not getting anything from me so I know eventually he will need to go else where. I can't sit and wait and watch for that to happen in front of my face. How do I talk to him about this without him getting annoyed?
Xxxx

[iheartjacques]

Have you thought about moving out? Or ask when he will?
It's hard but when they "move on", we have no control over it, only our own feelings and behaviour.

[Music is me]

I have thought about moving out yeah but the kids will be staying with me and it would make it very hard on them if we were to move out because of schools etc. I have asked him when he plans to move out, he says he has no plans as yet and staying with me works for him. It's convieniant. Xxxxx

He's not being very understanding nor supportive!

- I would not move me and the kids out of my home!
- I would not have sex with him if I didn't want to!
- I would not even allow him to sleep in the same bed as me!

Put his sorry butt on the couch, and if that isn't "convenient" enough for him then let him go check his sorry butt into a frickin' hotel!

[Hairball]

If he is the one who wants to separate I feel like it is up to him to find another place to live until things get resolved one way or the other.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Music is me

I have thought about moving out yeah but the kids will be staying with me and it would make it very hard on them if we were to move out because of schools etc. I have asked him when he plans to move out, he says he has no plans as yet and staying with me works for him. It's convieniant. Xxxxx

Well, most divorces result in the other moving out. A true separation requires separate households. Probably better to get used to the change in financial obligations sooner or later.

If he plans on staying and papers aren't being processed, I believe it's fair on your end to request that neither of you become involved with anyone else until the dust settles, wouldn't send a good message to the kids, if you know what I mean.

Keep plugging away with your doctors and therapists and try to get yourself into a better place emotionally for yourself and the kids.



Sent from my LGMS631 using Tapatalk

[Rose76]

I'm sorry for your difficult situation. You are dealing with an awful lot. Do you derive any benefit from your husband continuing to live with you? I mean, is it financially necessary? Him being there is probably not good for you emotionally because all you get from him is constant rejection and emotional abandonment.

I hope you are looking for a lawyer. You need legal guidance to protect your parental rights, especially since you are being treated for serious psych issues. Eventually, you and he will be apart and there will be the issue of him providing child support. He may become very resentful of that and look to undermine your rights as a mother. You need competent legal counsel starting right now about how to lay the groundwork for your future co-parenting arrangements.

I don't think you are going to get too far talking to him about very much. He's going to do what he's going to do. It might be in your best interest for him to leave and live elsewhere. You and the kids should be able to stay where you are. It's good that you are getting counseling for your mental issues. But you also need counseling that only an attorney can provide.

I hope you have some family or friends that are supportive of you. This sounds like an awful ordeal that you are in the midst of. Losing your husband's love must be very painful. There's no way it won't be. If your marriage is truly over, then you will have to adjust to that. Getting him out of the house might actually help you to do that. Once he is gone, don't try to keep tabs on what he does. He sounds immature and self-centered. Concentrate on the welfare of your children and yourself.

[Artchic528]

Change the locks while he's out and change the home title to have only your name on it.

[TishaBuv]

You definitely need to get a good lawyer asap. Right now you are still married, just not sleeping together anymore. He can be doing all kinds of things to hurt you financially. Call lawyers, they will discuss it with you for free.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Change the locks while he's out and change the home title to have only your name on it.

That is NOT possible in regards to the home title. If there is a loan, both names are on it no matter what the title says & he would have to file a quit claim in order to get his name off the title. It's not something you can do without his cooperation. You can't even get his name off a loan unless you refinance in only your name but that would mean that you would have to get a new loan & qualify on your own.

Divorce is the only thing that makes it possible for the lending company to know who is residing at the property & the date & terms of the divorce. It's a complicated mess which is probably why he's not being quick to move out. I lived in the same house in different rooms with my H for 13 years before I was finally able to get out because of financial complications in the marriage. It was a miserable 13 years & I was seeing red every time I had to deal with him by the end of those 13 years....I grew to hate him & couldn't tolerate anything about him by the end.

It's much better is you can truly separate & end the marriage if it's in such a bad place...better for the kids not to have to deal with the bad feelings that exist also....they can sense if even when we think they can't.

[iheartjacques]

How's it going now?
I am pushing ex to move out. He has been sleeping in the lounge. I don't want him anywhere near me.
Thankfully we only rent. I have refused to have sex with him. No bloody way! I won't even go with him in the same car to a parent information night. He threw a hissy fit about that. And says I'm mean. I'm just putting down very clear cut lines.

[bipolar angel]

[QUOTE=Music is me;4916388]

Hi everyone.

I'm new to this forum so I hope this is the right place to post.

Me and my husband have been together 10 years. We have two children. I suffer from psychosis and my husband says he can't cope so we have separated. I'm receiving help from the early intervention team and that's helping but I need advice on how to cope with the break down if my relationship. My husband says he doesn't love or want me anymore. He fell in love with my other personality and now she's gone and it's just me he missed her. He says it's like grieving.

He still lives with me but I can't talk to him about anything because he gets annoyed. My Counciler says it have to prepare for when he leaves because it will be easier for me to cope. The problem is he's a man with a very high sex drive. He's not getting anything from me so I know eventually he will need to go else where. I can't sit and wait and watch for that to happen in front of my face. How do I talk to him about this without him getting annoyed?
Xxxx[/QUOTE

.you should ask your therapist if he recommends talking to your husband with you-so that it is in controlled situation/therapist can mediate to help get your points across...or seeing couples therapist to discuss how separation/divorce/staying in same house but separate rooms?will go-therapist can help.
In my opinion-
You need an attorney asap,as people have said. Continue to go to therapy,no matter what-so therapist can write letter-if needed ever-you are in therapy/treating illness/good parents for kuds.
Please call legal aide-you can get list of low cost or free advice...if you have been unable to work/long time marriage-they may even make him pay your attorney fees. But you need attorney to protect you/kids rights...-I was working etc,so had pay my own attorney-. As someone posted,you cannot just take each other's names off loans,etc,it is legal transaction have file papers to get other person remived/he has to agree/sign off-and if you are keeping loan-need get it approved in your name. If you have never worked-he may have pay $to help you go back to school/training of some kind...or if unable to work with illnes-he will have pay more support,etc.
For the men reading this I am not down on men-same hols true if wife primary breadwinner,she will have pay more suppirt,alimony,pay for more if husband unable to work.
****do not leave the house,unless attorney advises you to move out.wishing you best of luck in getting it sorted out financially,emotionally,psychologically. Hang in there,I also have kids, so it is a lot to go through.

So sorry for both ladies in these relationships with turmoil. If you are still living with someone, you are still in a relationship with them, especially if you are worried of what bills he will have to pay, where he is sleeping, his feelings etc. I hope one of you isn't already justifying your partner's actions when and if he eventually brings home a new partner to sleep with. Do you have children in these living arrangements? If there are daughters exposed to this, remember they are learning from what they see mommy do how to have their own relationships someday.

[MrMoose]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Change the locks while he's out and change the home title to have only your name on it.

Better to fantasize about this particular line of action rather than actually doing it! In a lot of jurisdictions locking someone out of their own home is illegal. I checked after my wife threatened to throw my stuff on the street and change the locks ( she's good at inflicting fear that way).