[Joloto69]

Hi all. I married my husband in March last year. For reasons I look back on now and don't understand I chose to forgive him when he firstly kissed a work colleague and then two weeks after I found out, slept with her. I have had issues in the past with compromising myself like this for fear of what I dont know. I chose to go ahead with the marriage. He has since said my lack of trust last year was unbearable and I also make him feel small yet I have no idea why as he can't give specifics. This led to him telling an old friend he wasn't married (reason he didn't want his ex wife to find out or she would start hassling him) and then going on dating websites. His reason - I wouldn't talk. My perception - I don't recall him trying to talk or once telling me he was miserable and our marriage was making him so unhappy either way it's no reason to do what he did. Least of all the second time was three days after promising he wouldnt do it again. We went to our first therapy session last night and he opened up a lot about his previous hurts but I'm not sure I can go through anymore. I'm suffering with anxiety and low mood and though I'm fighting it it's tiring and I am so angry with him. I'm sorry I've rambled a bit but I'm not sure if these feelings are because subconsciously I want him out. He's now suffering with depression and anxiety which doesn't help my feelings. Any thoughts or advice?

[Erebos]

It sounds like he wasn't fully committed in the first place. Kissing other people, lying about being married (what the hell), shifting the blame and not taking responsibility.
Usually I am all for saving a marriage, I take those vows vows very seriously, however, all this in the first year!

I would call irreconcilable differences on this one. I don't hear where the love was even before all this happened.
I am sorry for your situation, and wish you all the best whatever you decide. Please be kind to yourself.

[Joloto69]

Thank you. I often wonder that - I was committed it's clear he wasnt really though he would tell me he had never felt love like this before and now how frightened he is to lose me. Well I guess he should have thought of that!!! My priority now is me and my emotional health. I have a bad habit of feeling sorry amd trying to fix but he caused this so needs to feel the cosequences. Ironically before the car accident I was planning on separating - think it all became too much after hence the indecision x

[eskielover]

All your anxuety might lessen tremendoysly when yoy get out of this bad marriage. I was in a bad marriage way too long (33) years taking vows seriously. Only way I tolerated it for the first 20 years was hiding out in my career. Sfter career was ended, depression set in. It got worse as then I ended up financially trapped in the marriage. Depression & anxiety got so bad, i started attempting suicide thinking it was my only way to escape. Dont let it go thst far....get out before investing any more of YOUR VALUABLE TIME.