Welcome to Divorce and Separation

Hello all:
I'm hopefull this place will help me get thru and cope. My husband and I have been having problems for a while. We have trouble communicating. I'm afraid I have a lot of issues I had to face and then attempt to fix. However I had been to selfish to see it and much less get help. The worst part is he wanted to help, advising me and guiding me and I couln't do it. Now he has decided to leave. He's been gone about 2 mths. I talk or see him almost everyday. He tells me he loves me, kisses me and most of all he has expressed his enternal love for me. He just wants to be on his own with no one to answer to. It's totally killing me. I know I had a lot of maturing to do. I should have just loved him and trusted th love he has proven to me repeatedly. I have hope, as I work thru my issues that the deep profound love we have may bring us together again. Please help.

I'm going a divorce myself and I have so many issues going on and all that comes along with the separation and emotions. I have 3 kids 1 adult son that is 20yrs and a daughter that is 16 yrs old and a son that is 14 yrs old. My husband is Alcoholic and it's been really bad I have been abuse also. My husband has had 2 affairs also.
My kids have seen a lot of the fighting that has happen in the last 2 or 3 yrs and then this year has been the top. So I'm ending 21 years marriage.

Just found this, I am separated from my husband about 3 years now due to few reasons which I can't explain here until I know which one is the right forum to share. We are born again Christians, separation issues are very difficult to talk about because of others' different opinions. Could you direct me to the right forum if this isn't the right one? many thanks.

i am with someone who i love dearly, we finally feel like we found our soulmates and unfortunately, his ex wife is bipolar and is not making their divorce easy for me or him-
what do we do?

I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal and physical abuse....I am a christian; what my church did to me (very long story)....spiritual abuse...but I managed as always to make something positive come from the ashes: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com

I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group; have written my memoir and my book of poetry (Sanctuary of the Soul) is in the process of publication. I am working hard to get on national tv to speak about verbal abuse (rarely recognized nor understood). it took The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans to save my life and sanity. I have also written a 25 page paper on verbal abuse and joined the American Counseling Association; hopefully they will eventually accept my paper.....1 in 3 women abused and every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted. These are global statistics.....

Went back to school at age 60 and won a scholarship; it wasn't academic, but what I wrote about my life.

I believe we are all here to make a difference, and I will never stop. Getting a divorce was the most excruciating, scary experience of my life; being alone is right next to death for me, but I keep on....keeping on!

Thanks DocJohn,

I look forward to the wizened elders who have come through and the fellow siblings that are still struggling and growing through this new relationship journey. God Bless you and the team on the forums.

I'm neither separated or divorced ,but the issue is one that my therapist is putting to me now. I'm bipolar recently diagnosed and have dealt with severe depression for 7 years .I am a survivor of incest from my father for 5 years duration, I became pregnant with my first sexual partner at 17 and married the father . I've been married 34 years now with grown daughter and son. We have had good and bad times together but the bad were emotionally abusive and yes he was well aware of my situation with my father ,which gave him an upper hand I now believe . I have now the understanding with Steve ( children's father ) that I want nothing to do with him and I am not leaving my home . We have not been intimate in 9-10 years , my choice as I had issues with him over his abuse and my family had a long term emergency. I know that I did not have the ' tools' to respond to any of this by just leaving . So here I am now looking at the probability that my illness is linked to Steve's abusive ways though I have conditioned myself to remain unaffected, it is truly impossible to be unaffected. I am an artist , painter, and my hands are shot as I have had one carpel release which limits my work or working any where doing anything .Now I have an addition to my depression in bipolar disorder. I have no one to assist me financially for medical care if I divorce Steve and I would lose the insurance I have now. My feeling is that there is no choice but for me to stay married and do my best to cope with him . I've told Steve on more than one occasion to get a lawyer and each time he said he loved me. There is no getting through to him and I do fear not knowing how he would respond if I got the lawyer . I am so confused about what is really best for me, medical care is the big issue. Without it I may as well be here with him ,I at least will get meds . I have never worked longer than 1 year outside the home and had to give up my artistic business when my family had the emergency . I've thought maybe I could teach art in my home ,but meds are expensive . I am running all possible scenarios I can about all this . I've been in therapy for 6 weeks and added meds for 7 weeks . I'm not rushing to do anything ,but I have to think about this now. Any thoughts would be welcome as I have thought this to death I believe . Thanks so much for just being here.

I've now tried 2 therapist to help me sort out my marriage and family...I've quit both. The first talked more about her own family, and the second started taking her car to my husband! She didnt know he was my husband at first, but didnt offer to stop once she did so that ended that. The short of the long is that we invested our life savings to start a company that I opened. 6 months later in June drs find a brain tumor and I have to have surgery, wow, 6 weeks of planning, opinions and then the surgery which went well, and then I spend 2 months recovering - a fraction of what they wanted but I had to get back. 1 month later in Nov my husband gets fired, wrongly, but still - they make claims that leave us with no unemployment or insurance. I'm floored, he's devistated and everything starts falling apart. Our autistic/ADHD/PDDNOS (BP?)7 year old son is kicked out of school, then hospitalized for 3 weeks, then I have another surgery - this has taken us up to March and he has now gone since Nov with little work. We've charged and mortgaged everything. He finally takes a PT job that will allow up free insurance but it's too late for our finances and us, we never bounced back. He spent the next year smoking, smoking pot, binge drinking (all of which we dont do), ignoring the issues, not talking and coming home when he felt like it. He finally stopped(or said he did), started going to therapy, but he lies about anything he doesnt want to talk about. We went to the therapy but he didnt participate 'really' and weve just died. He felt like saying 'honey' and sweety was enough. Now here we are 2 years later and its just so hard. I'm afraid for my kids, especially my son with special needs. Any advice for sorting out sticking it out for another chance or seperating, other than the therapist route that I've tried twice already??

My ex-husband cheated on me with a bartender, she got preggo and he left me for her. I am successful, beautiful, and confident. I loved him with my whole heart and knew in my heart of hearts that we would be together forever. I never saw it any other way, I never saw it coming. This was two years ago. NOW, I can't feel anything for anyone I date. I am turned off by the littlest things, I want to be alone when I am with someone very good for me, I want them to leave me alone when they are being nice. I need to move past this as I have found the most wonderful person and I am pushing him away.

I am annoyed that at age 55 I find my self heading for another divorce woundring if something is wrong with me

i am from India, a going thru a torture of a seperation from my marriage of 6 yrs. i was with an emotional abuser who squeezed every ounce of worth and capabiities and made me sacrifice my family friends and career all in the name of love and working out this relationship. i hope to seek help and advice from like minded sufferer, whostill seeks to prolong the pain for me by avoiding the divorce procedures and making me guilty of all the things i've left behind.

I've just got my divorce papers today gutted I wanted to grow old with her I'm so lonely Ive gone to my bed and don't want to ever get out just curl up an sleep forever it don't feel I can go on

Hello, I'm new here. I'm both going through divorce right now. I hope both to get some information and to contribute with my own experience.

Winyan getting divorced definitely doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. But maybe these circumstances could be teaching you something. Maybe about some emotional experiences in your childhood that need to be revealed and finally healed. This is a very common, yet hidden cause, that drives people's relationships to go the way they go...

Jamielow don't allow the circumstances and your ex-partner ruin your life. Yes - it does feel crappy and you have the right to feel all that comes. But just keep in mind, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. And you will get through the tunnel. Separation is not the end of your life. Separation is the beginning of a new life. We have to get rid of things that don't serve us anymore in order that new things can come into our life. In this respect, you are free and your life is about to begin again.

This is the first time I have ever sought the advice/opinion of others over the Internet! I have been reading many wonderful articles on PC and thought I'd give this a try. I want and need to be more assertive. Here goes:

I have been married for 25 years. First 11 years my husband was an active alcoholic. We chose to get married because of my pregnancy. Obviously lots of hurt and pain with the drinking. When he became sober, 13 years ago, we decided to try for a second child and were blessed. Afterwards I suffered from mild post partum, and removal of my ovary which plunged me into menopause at the age of 40. Hormonally I was a mess. Basically then, I began to fall apart. Never a major episode, but mildly dysthymic--since childhood. This took a toll on my marriage as I feel I had so many issues on top of the bad feelings toward my husband leftover from his drinking days and my feelings of abandonment.

My problem now is that my husband told me in early November that he was not happy anymore and was leaving me after the holidays. I managed to keep my act together and get through them as normally as possible. My boys are 24 and 13. I am proud of my inner strength. My husband travels a lot and is rarely home anymore. He is still living here with me. He says that he is confused and leaving for him is sad. He does care for me. I have been taking great care of myself and trying to be strong for my kids and for me. I have apologized to my husband and expressed my desire to save the marriage.

He says he needs space to think about things. He recently told me he put a deposit on a townhouse but it won't be finished until August!! It is now the beginning of March! Am I wrong in feeling that he should just get out now? I have difficulty being assertive--and I don't want to be a doormat but I feel this is totally unfair! I feel we should either work toward rebuilding the marriage or move on. Your thoughts?

My husband and I are going through as of now which may lead to separation. I can't understand why he would keep it a secret that he had been keeping in contact in his life ever since we have been dating and married with a woman whom he had a friendship and sexual relationship but she would not committ to him. He also knew how I felt about him staying in contact with her. It was until recently that I saw a text where they had been keeping in touch which led me to look at previous bills where I discovered that it has been constant.

i want help doctor
i wanrt to have my ex back who has anew girlfriend gor pat one month
i just want him back doctor

plz help me

MANIPULATIVE

I had no idea devoice was a topic of remote consideration with us. In short I felt all was just fine. And then she went camping with very adult visiting daughter when 4 days later I learned she had left me! I was not aware their was problems. I was completely floored as to why it happened and what was I to do now. Really struggling with it all My primary feeling was I must find a way to patch this up it can not be that broken. My shrink had no answers. Next I tried a new psychologist for maybe a better understanding of myself. I took my then estranged wife to see them both. She wrote two statements for me after I asked her to do so on what the problems were. I quickly realized they were examination of lies and falsehoods. I tried and tried even harder to find out just what was it she felt I was doing wrong and could come up with nothing.

What to do about getting our marriage back on track was just beyond me. She felt she needed more time to see if we could fall in love again. I did not have to do it again at all for I was still there.

Finally she summed up my actions as being manipulative and controlling. Wow, this was first. Something I knew nothing about much less practiced. Off I went to study this concept. On line I found a lot information on the topic. Then I read and studied George Simon in his book "In Sheep's Clothing". When she returned back here I was well versed on this total new topic and had reclaimed my self-respect. Nothing has proved more valuable to me to have an understanding of how to deal with a manipulative person which she has turned out to be which I never remotely considered.

She is still staying in my cottage out back my home and will remain there for about three months until her new place to call home becomes vacant. This is not easy as I see to much of her and remain very civil in spite of what she pulled on me.

We have decided on a separation of real estate and the like. that is being finalized now. best of all a no fault devoice will be filed by the end of November and this will all end no later then the end of Jan, 2013.

Now being age 66 this has been a hard shake on my reality however I am learning how to move on with my life in spite of my type one bipolar and now 18 years sober alcoholic.

Thank you for being here.

I know when I went through my divorce the biggest problem I had, after the feeling of failure, was meeting someone to date. I had been married for 15 years so all of my friends were either OUR friends or Married. I didn't know anyone single anymore. I was not a big Bar or Night Club person. I had been a homebody for 15 years. So I talked to a few people at work, and in conversation, they mentioned a dating website and told me I should check it out. Well after going back and forth in my mind about it (on-line dating ?????), I decided to give it a try. I am so glad I did. I met some really nice people and had a really great time. I even had several chances to win a car because they had all kinds of games and contest where you could win money, cars, or other prizes along with meeting some really nice people. If you have become single try it and see what you think. I think it is great. Sorry but since I am new, they won't let me tell you what the website is so sorry.

no, here just talking, of course, only the collective commitment that children do not become victims of parental divorce result ... maybe there are also laws that govern and apply in your country?

the reason why the divorce?
that hurt each other in the physical and mental .. still can be corrected by someone who understands the problem, ie the part of the family .. or going counseling.
but when it is in our culture, there is a violation of custom or religion that can not be avoided, our language is that those who behave badly and inappropriate behavior in the sample ...
hopefully useful

i just introduced my self in the introduction forum. what has led me here is primarily soon to be ended marriage of over 20 years, two kids, one boy 18, girl 13.
I am very depressed, stressed and anxious, and is contributing to my already existing medical issues i face.
i am just here to seek support and listening ear, and hopefully as i heal, to be able to offer support to others as well.
While intending to lose weight, i have dropped 80 lbs since last July, and yes I do tends towards having an eating disorder, I hold my self to high standards and want to be on the slender side of what is norm for my height, so therefore i need to drop another 40 lbs.
Unfortunalty my son seems to carry the same traits as myself as far as wanting to be thin.
Presently feeling very nauseated and must return later to finsh post

**livingmylife. I had the same thing happen at the beginning of my marriage. He wanted to keep being "pals" with an old girlfriend. I didn't care. But when he couldn't bring himself to tell her he was getting married, I thought it was weird. Her feelings mattered a Lot more than mine, his fiance. After a couple more strange encounters, I had enough & then he decided I Had The Problem! and snuck around to call & see her. (he Had to! He didn't want to upset me!!!) Really? Dumb**s!

**jdpeachy ~ UGH! sometimes I get so mad & your situation definitely makes me feel that way. I can hear him now, rationalizing why he should stay it the same house with you).
My husband took off without any warning at all...and returns from time to time to see our son. HE STAYS IN THE GUEST ROOM. If you have enough room, do that. At least you'll have some privacy. He should not expect to use you this way. It's just plain mean!