[Mintrofet]

In brief - husband and I have agreed to divorce after 27 years marriage (I suggested it). 3 adult children at home, all students with no income. We leave in a rural location with no public transport. Children cannot drive and require transporting to their university. Daughter is diagnosed with anxiety, one son is undergoing testing for autism.

Husband earns well. I am completely dependent on him. I am a university student, no job. I thought I'd be eligible for student financial support but ownership of our property means I am not.

As soon as we agreed to divorce, husband moved into our powered shed and introduced his girlfriend to the family. She has moved in with him. Neither the children nor I had any inkling she existed.

Husband wants me gone and has reduced the money he gives me to an amount that does not feed us. I became very depressed and anxious. While I am glad he has found someone, I feel completely supplanted and unwanted and I don't think this was a sensitive action on his part. Children are all very angry with him and it is impacting their study.

I told him I could leave if he takes over transporting them to the train station morning and afternoon. He tells me he cannot make that commitment. So if I go, the children have to drop out of study.

I am about to apply for job seeker financial support but this means I agree to take any job offered, which means if I take an evening job (very likely) then I cannot transport them anyway. Eldest son is seeking accommodation elsewhere. Our city is very expensive but he is into his third year of study and wishes to continue. Younger son is requires much support and may not be able to live independently without occasional supervision. Daughter is in a pit of anxiety and depression, as am I.

Financial support will be available to me once I don't have the property in my name. Husband's lawyer has advised him not to pay me out till I move out. I cannot obtain financial support until after payout when I am not listed as co-owner of our property.

I am feeling stuck and very helpless. Probably this is due to my depression but I am not finding a way through. My local charity gave me a food parcel and told me that limiting my finances constitutes domestic abuse. I know I need to speak to a lawyer and get everything moving but I am afraid of what might happen if I do. My husband is being very distant, he has always been self centred but he seems quite bitter and definitely annoyed that I am still around.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Mintrofet: I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Hopefully being here on PsychCentral can be of some comfort & support. I'm afraid there is nothing I can offer in terms of suggestions or advice. But I wanted to at least leave a reply letting you know I read your post & I wish you & your children well...

[Mintrofet]

I'm feeling a little better today. I think my biggest issue is not having friends. I look forward to the time when I have a place to live and my own income. Hopefully that time is not far away.

I am very pleased with my youngsters, they are good kids and hugely supportive. I am actually glad that STBX has a girlfriend, otherwise I'd be having a much harder time getting out. It's just a blow to my self esteem. She's younger and still has a personality and style of her own. I'm a drab, tired, shell of an older woman just now, not a good comparison. I am glad she is with him but I wish I'd found a way to move out first. I am seeking work but have no references since I was a kept woman who wasn't allowed to have friends or a life of my own. No one really knows me and I haven't worked for many years. When I do find a job I'll have to save up bond and find references to apply for rent. Once I have a place, I don't have any friends to help me pack or move in. So I'm feeling a bit frightened of the whole process.

But excited too! My mood is bouncing up and down between fear and optimism.

Thank you Skeezyks for your reply. It means a lot. I have been feeling very invisible in the world lately and I was very nervous coming to check my post .

[Grandessa]

Oh my! You are happy this jerk has a girlfriend. WTF? An honest man would honor his commitments to you and the children and be willing to work though the inevitable dry spots in a relationship.

I wish you the best, but he seems like a real cad. Good riddance! Tomorrow is a new day for you and your children.

As Thoreau said: "Walk confidentally in the direction of your dreams and eandevors to live the life which you have imagined, and you will meet with success unexpected in common hours." I have lived by this and find it true. I "act" confidentally (doesn't mean I truly feel that way) and the world opens.

Best of luck,

Grandessa