[Sunflower8203]

My husband and I have been separated for a few weeks now and with no reconciliation in sight, I have accepted that our marriage is over. As I think about how to move on, I can’t stop thinking about how this heartbreak will influence future relationships, and what I can do now to not carry the baggage of this relationship into future ones. My husband hurt me deeply by breaking my trust and ultimately causing me to doubt myself. He lied to me so often that I no longer know what part of our relationship was real or not. For anyone who may have experienced something similar, how do work towards making sure that you don’t put up a wall? Of course I never want to be in this situation again and want to guard my heart, but how can I do that without punishing someone in the future who was not the cause of my pain? Maybe I’m just not being patient enough with myself, what do you think? (Side note: I am not looking to jump into any new relationships at the moment, just thinking deeply about the healing process.)

[KBMK]

Oh my gosh, Sunflower, I believe you are on the right track, and your aspirations to let your heart be open and avoid punishing others are absolutely admirable.
Please do be patient with yourself. I have posted about my relationship struggles. It is four years since my seperation, and I am starting to feel like a genuine, healthy, loving relationship may actually be forming in my life!
It is joyful, and so scary. I talk to a therapist once a week now, and I still have such a capacity for defending myself with hostility...it doesn't come out, but I withdraw when the impulse rises up. It is so hard to face up to the depths of my distrust, and how I have come to misjudge innocent behaviour that trigger my defenses.
I would recommend that you let yourself be guarded to stay safe, and feel safe, and learn who really wins your trust, and listen to your heart healing and opening in its own time. I hope you can live with a strong and open heart! Those who deserve your love and trust will be patient with you. It's not a time to be pushed or rushed. Welcome to PC, big hugs

[MickeyCheeky]

i am so Sorry about what happened! It Will take Time to fully Heal. Definitely try to focus on Yourself for a Little While. Do some of the things You've wanted to do for a While. Go out with Your FriEnds more Often. i'd also suggest Seeing a therapist. Do not give up. Be strong. Focus on Yourself. Practice some New activities. Have some fun as Well While You can. Definitely spend some Time by Yourself. This too shall pass. i am so Sorry You're hurting. Please keep trying Your Best. You Deserve Much Better. You've got this! You can do this. Just hang in there, OK? We are Here to Help. We believe in you! SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @Sunflower8203, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Sunflower8203]

Thank you both so much! This is new for me but I am glad that I found a resource that will allow me to express my feelings, that can be hard to do, even with the people closest to me. There is definitely some great advice that I will be taking as I am on this journey. Thanks again!

[agewjw]

I’m in same boat. I was married 15 and It’s been 10 years post divorce. I have dated and enjoyed my kids and enjoyed my friends, there’s a part of me that fears I will never fully be open to another long term relationship. I never make it passed 6 months before I find an excuse to break of the relationship. How to get unstuck?