I Think I Learned Too Late:

My job schedule is too tight!

@Open Eyes - i feel like im moving from hurt/crying to just being pissed off and i dont like how it feels!!!!

Help!!!!!+

This is normal for what you are experiencing. The important part of this emotional reaction is that it leads to you being able to see your own value. Anger isn’t bad in that it speaks to your self love.

It’s ok to have feelings JTL. you

Bless you!

Ok, so im still riding the roller coaster of emotions, but im getting a lottle less hurt every day.

That’s a good sign 😉

You live in one of the most if not the most expensive state to live in. Give yourself some credit for navigating around some very big challenges.

I'm starting to develop a better outlook and a more positive vision of myself.

Big performances coming up tomorrow!

Big performances coming up tomorrow!

🥰 good.

Happy Weekend!!!!

Yesterday, i reconnected with a girl i met at a Taco Bell in Fullerton in 1989....

So, in 1987, i moved to L.A. trying to make it in music. I spent 87, 88 and 89 living in Fullerton.

One night in 1988, i stopped at a Taco Bell on Commonwealth in Fullerton. A girl walked up and started talking to me about my guitar, told me she was a musician and wrote her name and number on a Taco Bell napkin. As cute as she was, it was her incredible kindness and aura of peace that was most memorable.

So fast forward 33 years.

Last year, i find the napkin at the bottom of my guitar cable bag and decide to look for her on Facebook. She had an unusual name, and it didn't take long to find her. I sent her a message via FB Messenger and eventually got busy with other things.

Amazingly, she didn't see the message initially and only stumbled across it recently while clearing out some old messages. She sent me a voice message and called me on her drive home.

We talked over two hours and we've been messaging ever since. She still lives in SoCal and vividly recalls the event. She was shocked i recalled the unique clothing she was wearing that fall night in 1988.

We have had incredible similarities in our personal lives and she has a job nearly identical to mine, except in the medical field.

We already have a dinner daye planned to catch up on everything.

How cool is that???

Having dinner with this woman sounds like a good idea. 😉

Its looking like it will be fun. Its not often i meet anyone who loves to talk as much as me.

So, im learning a lot.

I learned that i need to be ok with me and not seek external validation

I took a break today from this girl today, when i really, really wanted to talk with her. I sent her a good Morning text and then nothing all day until 5pm, when i asked her how her day was.

Big changes for me.

What is very important to understand about this is that seeking external validation gives too much power to others who often don’t deserve to have that power and instead can really mislead and hurt you.

Kinda like polishing that black car that requires constant cleaning because black shows all the dust and dirt. You realized how it was too much work and too time consuming.

From what you shared of your wife, not ex yet, she was much too damaged to recognize and value the relationship she had with you. It’s not an effort to fault her but more of seeing a person that was not successful in attaining a safe relationship with her ex who turned out to be a pedophile and very narcissistic. She doesn’t know how to heal from that. She is not and has not been in a place mentally to see your value. And her anger and grief at times was taken out on you and that is where her mean statements toward you are coming from.

@Open Eyes, Thank you so much for this enlightenment!!!!

Ok, big changes, but positive ones.

So, ive turned down several FWB offers with women that i have met who have somehow become enamored with me.

Im not reading anymore into this other than the positive attention has done wonders for my self-worth.

Saturday night, we were playing a show in Santa Ana. A girl came up and started talking to me about music. I engaged her no differently than any other audience member.

She had a lot of cleavage exposed, so my practice in those situations is to maintain 100% eye contact.

Eventually, she asked how old i was and i answered 57. She was shocked and said, "Wow, you don't look it." Through conversation, she explained that she was 32 and a huge fan of this genre of music from the 1980's.

During this conversation, she said, "God, your blue eyes are just so dreamy, i can't believe you are not with anybody."

I explained that I'd been through a lot and was just looking to establish and expand my circle of friends.

I did ask her what put me "on her radar," so to speak, despite as 26 year age gap.

She said, "Well the jeans and red leather jacket was eye catching, but you are so tall and you kinda walked in like you owned the place, but when i saw your eyes and you didn't break eye contact with me, and then you said my name, it kinda started turning me on and that's not common for me."

So, that really made me feel good.

I got 4 kisses on the cheek that night.

I have a question,
If a really pretty woman with smaller breasts came up to you and complemented you would that have the same affect?

Your wife was so convinced having large breasts were so important that she had implants. Yet, that did not lead to genuine happiness and being safe in her marriage now did it?

Idk, it makes me think of Hugh Hefner who turned out to be the most entitled selfish narcissist that just used so many women and put way too much emphasis on a woman’s body and breasts. So many women went under the knife for the illusion of perfection. None of them were happy in the end.

Absolutely! I am only telling you how this particular person looked, and how i avoid the "trap" of looking, but I've seen total knockouts that were not big breasted and the overall package was amazing.

My wife had her implants done during a 5 year hiatus from relationships. She went 34DD but then, during our marriage, she said she wanted to reduce them to 'D' and i said i was happy with any decision she made, so she reduced them.