I Think I Learned Too Late:

@Tart Cherry Jam:

You need to change your name to @sweet Cherry Jam

That is sweet of you, but I do not particularly like sweet cherries.

The best part is that now (as of the last two weeks) I drink tart cherry juice to help me sleep longer and deeper. There are several studies supporting such use. And I love tart cherry juice! To drink it as a medicine is heavens!

Well, im in my studio first night tonight. Its lonely. I feel like im in a prison cell. I've got my teddy bear. I'm hurting.

You can think more creative. Make it cozier. It’s not a prison, you can come and go as you please. ❤️

I did an incredible job of cleaning it, like a forensic cleaning. It smells amazing.

That’s great! Having a clean and organized environment even if small is a positive and can fill a need to have a sense of control of one’s own environment.

My concern for you is that you put you self worth in the hands of people who do not deserve to have that kind of control. You must learn to not throw your pearls at the feet of swine.

There are people out there that genuinely don’t care how honest and good you are, they are evil and only care about what benefits them.

I'm still trying to figure out how to avoid that.

Many children grow up believing if they are honest and good and have good looks will be valued. They grow up with Batman and Superman and Hero cowboys and cops as role models. Hollywood picks men that have a certain look that’s attractive and these actors also have to maintain a certain persona in society to maintain their Hollywood brand.

This is not reality, instead it’s fantasy.

I try to be good just Because its the right thing to do.

Helped my wife move some things yesterday. She has been telling me about her recent move back to going vegan (which we both did in 2017 and i loved it) and how she recently has begun rediscovering Christ and shifting away from the tarot and the mysterious stuff.

She has been so kind to me lately, probably the past 4 days, that she is literally like a different person. That's been a very welcome thing. I do hope and pray this continues.

I moved the last of my things out yesterday, two days ahead of our agreed upon exit date of August 15.

I turned my garage door opener over to her and we shared a very long, tearful hug.

AT yet long last i stood before the home where once i lived.

And realized, through tear dimmed eyes, i'd nothing more to give.

The streets upon i walked thereon a thousand miles lay silent

The song of birds, their hidden words, call out to me so vibrant

The castle that was once our world seems strangely convoluted

For in flash, my hopes were dashed, my fluer-de-lis uprooted.

No hopeful thought, no loving gaze, no water in that well.

But I've no fear in leaving here, I've served my time in hell.

Your wife sounds like a very lost and confused person, but it’s not right to deprive you and say hurtful things to you one minute and then act all nice the next minute. It sounds like she used you when her marriage to some wealthy man went very sour and he turned out to be a creepy pedophile preying on his own child.

It’s best you are stepping away and starting fresh.

Its just the hardest thing I've ever done.

My 19 year old daughter had anxiety attacks yesterday after i moved out. I was in a hurry to get the trailer back and didn't see her in the house and left without saying goodbye.

I reached out to her today and let her know we will have a dinner soon so she can talk about her feelings.

The bartender wants to come over. I was like, "WTF? This place is a studio apartment!"

She's like, "I'm comin' to see you, not the apartment."

But, TBTH, my heart and my commitment are with my wife and although a very exciting proposition, it doesn't feel right.

Explain that you are not settled in and not ready.

I think i did even better than that. I just told her that someone holds my heart and i am not worth anything beyond just friendship, no matter how exciting this might feel.

This bartender is 28 years old right? I think that’s a bit young for you.

Yep.

I agree. But, she is a thing of absolute beauty, like looking at a Ferrari in a parking lot full of Teslas. I love the architecture.

My ex wife (not present) was 15 years younger than me and we had surprisingly few issues other than she was a very mean-spirited person, but that wasn't due to her age.

What concerns me about you is how much value you put on the physical and desiring some kind of perfection. There are many women who use their looks to use men. The same is true for men. The danger in this is placing your value in the hands of someone who is attractive and plays sweet but is a user that doesn’t really love but just uses is setting yourself up to be hurt and abused. This type of person can be found in both women and men.

Very valid points! I think one would have to strike a balance.

My wife is 54 with a 6 pack and ive always kinda been drawn to women who kept themselves in nice shape, although I'd venture to say none of these women could be referred to as "perfect" by any means.

I'll tell you that i don't like being alone.

I've kinda withdrawn more. I went to bed at 8pm last night. I can't understand this. Not knowing or even suspecting any kind of sense of direction is very unsettling.

Saturday I'll be performing again and I'll feel alive, but until then, ots really hard.

Can you find a way to perform on Wednesdays?