[bensplace]

I need someone to talk to who doesn't know me personally.
I have been considering suicide I have lost everything in my life that mattered to me.
August 18th of last year I came home from work to a note my wife had left me. It sais she was fine and the kids were fine and she couldn't keep living like this.
I had no idea what she meant, I was very happy and I thought her and the kids were too.
I have a good job, make good money and we never fought or argued. MY family was my whole life.
Well a couple weeks later she moved into a duplex and a couple weeks later I called her and a guy answered the phone.
I found out it was a guy whos kid she had babysat for for a year or so.
Well our divorce was finalized November of last year and the week before she moved in with the guy only after 2 1/2 weeks of being seperated.
I had a friend of hers tell me she had been seeing the guy for almost six months.
I miss my wife more then anything in this world, now I hear she is engaged to the guy.
I go to bed at night and I still tell my wife good night and that I love her.
I dream about her and have dreams I am chasing her begging her to come home
I wake up in the middle of the night and cant sleep because I keep thinking of her
I am drinking way too much, usually 6 times a week sometimes 7.
If I am sober I just sit and cry and think of her.
I can't talk to my friends, they are all drunks and all of them tell me I am better off without her.
I went to talk to a psychiatrist and it was just too expensive.
I just started to take Chantix to quit smoking, I dont know if it can cause depression but since taking it I have been really bad.
So here are my options, I can either sit here and continue to go through night after night of pain and crying and missing her, or I can just end this.
I dont want to start over I dont want to date and try to meet new women, and I can't be happy when I am constantly thinking of her.
I still love her and I still want to grow old with her. I dont understand what the other guy has to offer that I do not.

[EJ711]

Ben,

My heart goes out to you.

As long as you still have life, there is hope.

I just did an internet search, and Chantix is linked to anxiety, severe depression and suicidal behavior. Here is just one link on this issue:
http://www.chantixsuicidelawsuit.com/

I'm sorry your wife didn't have the courage and integrity to talk to you about how she was feeling.

I would try to write this whole thing off to your wife not having any emotional integrity.

My prediction is that at some point in the future you may hear your wife has split up from this new relationship.

In the mean time, I would encourage you to try to stop thinking about her the best you can, and make plans to move on with your life. Find some way you can do something good just for you.

In 2002, I lost a long-time career that I loved. The same year it also became clear we could no longer safely manage an older child, we had tried to help through adoption, in our home. We also sold a house I loved in a community I enjoyed, and moved to rural Kansas.

I have been trying to put my life back together, and God has been good. He has continued to be faithful to meet all my needs and provide for me.

Are there any good churches where you are that offer divorce recovery support classes?

There are a lot of supportive people here.

Keep posting and believing in you.

EJ

[bensplace]

Thank you for the link.
I know that I need to move on it is just impossible to stop thinking about and missing her. And if I email her at work she emails me back and she is nice to me, I think that may make things harder.
The other problem I have are my friends. All of them do nothing but drink. It is leading me down a very bad path, and I am drinking as lot because it takes my mind off of her and it lets me hang out with friends rather then sit in my house alone.
I would love to meet new people, but I am not sure how to go about that I am a very quiet person until I get to know someone.

[sabby]

bensplace...Welcome to PC

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. I'll bet you feel like you've been kicked in the stomach with many different emotions going on at the same time.

What you are going through is not abnormal. You are in a stage of grieving. Grieving takes time, patience and lots of understanding and care.

EJ is so right....there is ALWAYS hope! I know it's hard to see it right now, but it is always there.

I hope that you realize that alcohol is a depressant. Even though it may deaden the pain for awhile, when the pain comes back, it is multiplied by the use of the alcohol.

When you are ready to make a change in your life, get out and meet new people there are far better ways than in the bars. Some ideas are - church, self help groups, taking classes, and my personal favorite - volunteering at something near and dear to your heart. If you don't have anything near and dear to your heart, then just pick something and go from there. It is a great way to network and meet folks and you get the added bonus of doing good for others which in turn pays you back tenfold!

If you can't afford to go to a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist, I suggest going to your regular MD and explaining to him about your depression. He may very well be able to prescribe an antidepressant or some other avenue for you to get some help.

There is always hope! I wish you well ((( bensplace )))


sabby

[bensplace]

I haven't taken a Chantix since yesterday morning, and I can tell you I feel better already, the suicidal thoughts are pretty much gone, and I am thinking of "her" less. Now I need to find another way to stop smoking.....and drinking......and make some new friends.
Church isn't really an option for me as I am not a religious person.
What are some examples of some good self help groups some of you have attended?

[sunrise]

Hi Ben, I'm sorry for all the pain you're going through. I'm going through a divorce too. You are grieving now and it hurts. I read somewhere, that it takes about 2 years to grieve after the divorce.

Here is a good book:
Rebuilding: When your Relationship Ends. by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti.
I bought this book and reach into it from time to time for support and understanding. It documents the emotional landscape of divorce and recovery, seems to know just what you are feeling, and has good advice for moving forward. I find the book realistic, yet optimistic.

Apparently, there are various support groups around the U.S. (maybe elsewhere too), centered on the Rebuilding book. Maybe this could be a place you meet others and find support.

I hope you can stop drinking alcohol. This is bringing you down. Some people find success in quitting smoking with the help of wellbutrin (Zyban), which is also an anti-depressant.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
And if I email her at work she emails me back and she is nice to me, I think that may make things harder.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">For the sake of co-parenting your children, it is much better if the parents are able to be nice to each other. Your children will benefit from a civil and cordial relationship between their parents. I know it can be hard, but it really is better.

[bensplace]

Update!
After stoping the Chantix I fell 1000x better. I am not thinking of my ex, and I even went last night and signed up for tae kwon do classes to give me something to do other then drink all the time.
Plus it will help ,e get in better shape.
I just wanted to update everyone and thank them for their support. It means a lot.

[AAAAA]

I'm glad to hear that you're doing better. I replied earlier to your thread but I must have worded something poorly because it was removed.