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#1
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How can you know someone over 50 yrs and yet not know a thing about them ?
No , wait , that's not totally true. I did know a little about them. Yet I just was too blind to see and understand what I was seeing. I was too busy trying to understand myself that I let all the red flags just fly over my head. If I was honest with myself , which I couldn't be , I would have cut the cord on many occasions. And some very early occasions at that. I would have saved myself from much grief , hurt , pain , etc etc. I guess you get the idea by now. The irony is that I just " got the idea " myself , recently ! But it's too late now. Circumstances , like age , physical challenges and mostly mental depression has put me in sort of a " shock " mode. Unable to make decisions because of a mental paralysis. Part of me says " c'mon , get off your *** and do this or , and that ! And another part of me is just so f'in tired that I can't move ! So it really just comes down to me.. Could anything have really been changed ? That's a very big question , one that people are still debating , from time immemorial.
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![]() Crazy Hitch
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#2
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I'm sorry it's so difficult right now. Sounds like a complex relationship to someone who was once very close to you. I hope things settle soon for you.
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![]() moodyblue83
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#3
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Quote:
and even then just physically close . As like we are now. I just wish I was like some people who can walk away easily and not look back ! I need to be somebody I'm not. I must have no self worth to let myself be trampled on. Time is running out.
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Trying to Live in the Moment |
![]() ArmorPlate108
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#4
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I'll reply to myself since only one other person made a comment. What's the matter ? NOBODY else here has felt , at least a little bit, the same. Or maybe I posted this in the wrong place. Where's the " betrayal " section ? Moderator people relocate . You don't know anyone else's mind or thoughts.
I guess God made it that way on purpose. Someone who supposedly " loved" you just used you for their own selfish purposes and then just throws you away like yesterday's newspaper. Thanks for listening...
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Trying to Live in the Moment |
![]() ArmorPlate108
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#5
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I'm going to reply to myself. Why ? Because I think I had a dream or something that actually made my attachment FINALLY reduce tremendously in intensity ! These things just happen. You have to stop looking , stop pushing. Stop your mind and let the subconscious take over All of a sudden I just stopped caring , feeling. I'm not in charge. When time is right , it'll happen. You know, I really can't explain it. The INTENSITY of caring is what dropped. From 100 to 4-5 ? How ???
Maybe after a certain amount of pain it just lowers in intensity. It's like boiling water and then turning down the gas or electric .
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Trying to Live in the Moment |
![]() ArmorPlate108
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#6
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Hugs to you, moodyblues.
It sounds like maybe you've found a certain degree of 'radical acceptance'. That can be very freeing. The boards seem really slow right now, and this one especially so. Usually the main relationships forum is more active, but it seems pretty dead right now too. Anyhow....detachment is a wonderful thing, isn't it? ![]() |
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