Newbie separated

Hello Kind People

After 34 years of marriage my soon to be X decided it would be a great time to have an affair with a drug addict 1/2 his age. He is a narcissist and can not relate to the pain he has caused me. I have always been a gentle soul and do not know how to impress on him what he has done. He has been gone about 8 months and is living this woman of questionable values. She is just like him. She knew he was married when she met him and did not care if she hurt me or not.

Is there any way to let these 2 selfish people, who both lie constantly and are doing illegal things to go find God?

Oh dear. You are too kind! I would be more inclined to want them to go find "the other guy!"

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

First, I am so very sorry that you are in such pain. Secret affairs are never OK. They cause so much harm and pain. I can relate, as my ex husband, who is also a narcissist, cheated on me.

Secondly, and I emphasize this point - do not try to impress your religious beliefs or faith upon him or her and do not try to "help" them see the error of their ways. If they had any morals or sense of human decency, they would never have done this in the first place.

And lastly, I know it won't seem like this now, but this ending and affair is to me a blessing in disguise. Narcissists do not change and only cause great harm. You are now free and will be free - to live a far happier life without that toxicity around you.

Commit to a healing path, and live your life. Go out, do things, see friends, exercise, and do plenty of self-care activities. Show yourself compassion and self love.

I had to go through a divorce and have been divorced for over two years. I am still on the healing path, and am carving out a life of my own.

You WILL and CAN get through this, as hellish as it seems now. Hugs to you.

Thank you dear for taking the time to write to me. I know I can't do anything to guide the misguided.

I have blocked ALL their many phone numbers. I grow weary of listening to their lies.

Suppose I would feel better if I could get out there and just make some friends. I really don't think I could handle a man-woman relationship just yet. Still healing.

Getting plenty of exercise as my X left everything in this house broken and has not even offered to help in anyway. I am learning new things. Trying to learn the zero turn mower. 1st lesson was not so good as I ran over a bush. It was sad but funny. I will try and nurse it back to health. Hope you have a lovely and blessed day. Stay strong!

That's what I need another pain in the A--. No thank you. I need to learn how to drive a car again but can't find drivers ed around here. And then there's that little detail of actually BUYING a car! LOL. Baby steps. I'll ge there. Thanks for caring and writing.

YES, baby steps. Don't try to take everything on at once. That can become overwhelming.