[mcelkins]

I've been married for almost a year... and it's been rocky. REALLY rocky.

At first, I'd try to tell my husband that "nothing good comes easy" but now I wondering if he was right all those times when he said, "maybe everything is so hard because we wern't meant to be..."

When we first met, it was love at first sight. I fell head over heals right away! I remember, I walked into the room and looked at him, and thought "that guys thinks he's going to marry me!"

I was with an abusive man at the time who about 4 months before had almost killed me. He left the state, but I was so broken that I acutally kept up contact. I was too afraid to ever see him again, but I couldn't let him go.

Well, when I met my husband, I started to forget about the other guy... Started to see the future.

But now, here we are, with the worst things that could possibly happen to couples, and people... all happened before we even made a year... Let me give you some examples:

I wasn't the most reserved girl before I got married, but I was for about 8 months before I got married. My husband did like finding out that I had been somewhat promiscus before I met him.

My mother really liked my ex, even after everything he did... so she tried to get things to work out between the two of us.

My ex started to harrass us, and harrass my husband's ex-wife.

My husband's ex stopped letting him have anything to do with her daughter (not his), so since he'd been around for nearly all her life, he began to fight for visitation rights.

My husband's son's mother started to cause problems for us by manipulating my 6 year old step son. He'd come home afraid that he'd be kidnapped, or killed.

----BY this time, we'd been married for 4 months.

I was also pregnant, so I was feeling moody from that. With everything that was going on, I didn't feel like my husband even cared about my feelings. So we fought and I left the house to my parent's house...

THEN, ON my birthday (the fifth month) my husband's best friend's house burnt down. 4 days later, he was murdered in that house.

It's been 6 months since then, and he still is haunted by it.

Well, my father started some horrible business with my husband and me. He has always been very controlling, and I've always catered to it, except with my husband, because he doesn't allow others to control him... anyway, my father got mad about this and started making threats...
"I'll call the police and tell them that you killed her!" to my husband... then he made good on his threats. I spent 4 hours convincing a police officer that I was indeed me, and I was alive, and my husband did not try to kill me, that I wasn't afraid of him....

So, now I'm about 5 almost 6 months pregnant... My husband has lost his best friend, his son's mother is causing issues, he can't see his ex's daughter, my ex has been messing with us and his ex-wife, my mother is enabling my ex, my father is sending police to make sure my husband didn't kill me...

NOW, let's make it worse...

My step-son's mother decides she wants full custody, (she'd thus far had visitation, and shared legal custody). SO, she accuses my husband of view child porn, then accuses him of trying to sell child porn of my step son, then accuses him of sexually molesting my step son... after NONE of this worked, (and all the while, my step son being more and more traumatized, as he has mild psychological diagnosis of his own... anxiety, depression with psychotic processes, highly suseptable to suggestion, etc), anyway, after none of it worked, I was removed from my home with my NOW newborn baby for 40 days because she convinced my step son to tell a doctor I had touched his private parts... WHEN HERES WHAT REALLY HAPPENED:

My step son had been having diarreha related to the anxiety of everything he was going through. He has ALWAYS had a problem touching himself, even to clean himself, because (remember, highly suseptable to suggestion) his mother told him to NEVER let anyone (and he took that literally, anyone includes him) Never let ANYONE touch his privates. SO, he never did. Well, he trusted me. When he had diarreha all over his bottom, I took a baby wipe and asked him if he wanted me to help him clean up? He said yes...

THEN, he told his mother that he had an accident at our house, and I helped him clean up. She said "that was disrespectful" so he thought it was.

She took him to a doctor, and she told the doctor that she was worried that my step son had been touched inapproprately. She said she'd found evidence of some very sexual behavior from him... she said she saw him putting tampons into his bottom, because his step mother (me) had told him to do that for diarreha (quick side note... I'd been pregnant, just had a baby... I didn't have tampons in the house, and there hadn't been any for over 10 months...) Anyway, she got the doctor all worked up, so when the doctor asked my step son:

"Did anyone ever touch you on your privates?" he said "yes." The doctor said, "who?" he said "My [step] mom" the doctor said, "What did she do?" "She said, 'do you want me to touch your bottom?' and I said 'no that would be disrespectful.'"

SO... I was removed with a restraining order from my home for 40 days. The agency that works with these allegations had already heard enough of my step son's mother, and didn't believe anything she had to say so they didn't bother to investigate. HOWEVER, during the long-term hearing... my stepson's mother's lawyer said that she'd talked to them and that they were going to build a team to investigate.

SO they extended the original 20 day exparte order, to accomidate for this 'investigation'

When it still didn't come, I called and called and called... finally someone called me back to say "we didn't even put this report into the system. We aren't going to investigate this."

SO, now here I am with the 40 days over about 3 days ago... my husband and I have developed an new dynamic to talk to eachother... name calling, and hanging up on eachother.

So... sometimes I wonder... is he right? Are we just not meant to be?

[AAAAA]

Marriage is so hard. It sounds like you're getting so much grief and baggage from outside sources, how can you tell what's real anymore? Any chance of relocating?

[mcelkins]

I wish... But my husband has his own business here, and of course his son is here. The likelyhood of us being able to move is low.

[AAAAA]

Wow, very tough position to be in! I'm so sorry!

[seeker1950]

Mcelkins...Gosh, what a nightmare you are going thru. First of all, as I read your story, about how you felt attached to your ex, even after he had been abusive to you...I could identify with that. I don't know what makes us so, but I as in the same mindset after being stalked and nearly killed by a former boyfriend. I was even afraid to go to the court and testify, even feelling somehow responsible.
Could it be that you entered into this new relationshlp/marriage too soon after the trauma you experienced from dealing with your ex? In my own experiences trying to date and build relationships after my incident, I know now that i needed more recovery time. Your ex sounds very menacing and dangerous, and that alone could wreak havoc on a new relationship and marriage.
I don't know what to tell you about the allegations of inappropriate conduct and what you have suffered, as I"ve never been there, but with all the factions involved, i"m truly sorry you are going thru this.
I'm so sorry your marriage has deteriorated to the situations you describe. You and your new baby need peace, calm and quiet.
Patty

[mcelkins]

Thank you for your words...

Acutally it WAS really hard to move on to my husband. But he was amazingly patient.

He liked me right away, and slowly got to know me. I really liked the fact he was willing to move so slow.

I was terrified to touch him, I can't really pinpoint the WHY, but I was afraid to hug him, and there was NO way I could kiss him.

I was so afraid of my ex, I saw him in this new man. But he was so patient. He tried so hard, and waited. He never forced himself on me in any way, and eventually I relaxed enough to give him a hug... every once and a while as I was leaving.

Then I relaxed enough to hold his hand... Maybe for a few seconds.

I remember the day that I kissed him... I was so scared, but I gave him a quick peck on the lips and jumped into my car.

After that, I started to relax around him even more, I was able to admit that I loved him, and when he asked me to marry him, I said YES.

As for the false allegtions... I am SO ANGRY. I used to have EXTREAME anger issues as a teenager, and I got over those... until now.

I am SO ANGRY. I feel the anger burning in my chest... It makes me hate everyone. (exception is my son)

I am ashamed to admit it, but it even makes me want NOTHING to do with my stepson... whom, before this, I would have gone to the ends of the earth for. He calls me Mommy, and I thought of him as "son".

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mcelkins said:
SO, now here I am with the 40 days over about 3 days ago... my husband and I have developed an new dynamic to talk to eachother... name calling, and hanging up on eachother.

So... sometimes I wonder... is he right? Are we just not meant to be?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I guess I would be very bothered if my husband didn't stand by me during these false allegations. Does he believe you were molesting his son? If not, why didn't he speak up? Why are the two of you now name calling? He should be comforting you that you are finally able to be home again. I don't think the dynamics here sound good at all. I'm sorry to not be more positive. I am not sure I could continue if my husband believed I had been molesting a child. It would show me he really didn't know me at all and thought ill of me. I'm sorry.