[mountainhigh]

A book I'm reading called Tough Transistions by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, PHD suggested finding a chat room so here I am! After 23 years my marriage will be over on 10/15. It's mostly amicable and we are sharing
custody of my 15 year daughter and my 22 year old son lives with me.
I still love her but I was not able to forgive her indescretions. I stay very
busy with work and community and have taken up the guitar and reading books but in the wee hours of the morning, sadness comes.

[Lemon]

mountainhigh - welcome to PC. My divorce was final a year ago on 10/22 and one of the reasons I came to this site was to find people to chat about it with.. I've found it to be a great place. I wish I had some help to offer you other that to say, now that it has been one year since the divorce for me, I'm in a much better place that I was. It is still a sad thing, but I'm learning to move on.

[mountainhigh]

It's been coming for a while (probably 3-4 years) and we've been separated for about 3 months. Most of the time I'm ok with it but there are moments that are really difficult. My intellect knows that it's the right thing but my heart does ache.

[Lemon]

I know that feeling. I can totally intellectualize that my divorce was the right thing and me and ex-H were causing each other pain, but that doesn't help with the heartache. Can you do something nice for yourself this week? Plan an outing to a place you enjoy, buy something related to a hobby you have or for your kids?

[cantstopcrying]

((((mountainhigh)))) I absolutely feel your heartache. The wee hours of the morning are the hardest, but they will get better. 23 years is a long time and you don't get over it in a few months. Good job on keeping busy and finding pc. I wish you healing.

[sunrise]

MountainHigh, welcome to PC. Getting a divorce is the hardest thing I have ever done. I know where you are at. It's OK to let yourself feel sad. It IS sad that such a long partnership is ending. When we go into marriage, we intend it to last forever, and the dream dies hard. Even if you want to get divorced. it's still painful.

I have been married 21 years, separated for almost 1 year, and our divorce will be final sometime in the next 3 months. It is mostly amicable and we are doing a good job co-parenting. We have a daughter who just began college and lives out of state, and a daughter who just started high school. Today I was cleaning up the basement (he left tons of stuff and told me to just throw it all out), and I found an old birthday card my H gave me on my birthday, the one right after the birth of our first child. It was a poem he wrote and typed up, and he signed it, "I love you." I read that and cried. I wonder, whatever happened to those days? I don't even remember being in love. I think I was too young to have a good relationship. I didn't know how. If I ever do it again, I think I will do better.

Hope you will come around often and let us know how you're doing.

[mountainhigh]

My wife left me with all the stuff too. We had boxes and boxes of pictures (memories) that I divided up for us and our two children. Four stacks of bittersweetness that took several weeks of laughing, crying, etc.

I'm determined to rid myself of the anger I feel for having been deceived for four years. I have started to go to my old church again and even prayed for my ex and her boyfriend. Another book I'm reading by Mahareshi Yogi says that every thought and action are like pebbles thrown in the ocean. Ripples that go on endlessly. I want my ripples to be happy and positive, not angry and negative.

[mountainhigh]

I already apreciate you and the other responders. It makes me feel alot less lonely.

It might take some time to figure out the mechanics of PC. Any tips on how to best
navigate? Do you respond to all your responders?