the proverbial creek

i had to make some very difficult and painful decisions this week. i have never, ever in all my life did something that would hurt someone quite like this is going to. i had no real choice.

i'm currently separated and we plan to move forewrd to divorce... but after yesterday's actions.. i doubt my ex will ever speak to me again and will likely not want to give me a divorce finaliztion. My spousal support is now gone, no doubt. i can't explain quite why.. but there is no legal recourse for me on that one. He is obligated to support me in part, but there is no way to make that happen. Legally it isn't possible. i don't want that anyway.. legal fighting i mean...

we haven't lived together in a while.. and things have been difficult at times but at no time have i ever had any desire to inflict pain or anguish. i've been so respectful and patient with him... all because it was me who initiated this and i really do want him to be happy in the end.

i really had no choice but to do what i did... but he will not understand..

im so scared. He is not going to take this very well at all. i didn't want to hurt him.. not my intention... i know he is going to be so mad and upset. idk what to do.

((candika))

I hope all works out well for you in the end. Maybe your ex will be more understanding than you anticipate.

How are things today? Can you stay away from him for a while until he cools down and has had time to get used to this? It sounds scary. I hope you are OK.

no.. it's going to be worse than i thought. He is unstable right now... very unstable.

he has not been... well, he has sometimes "been unkind" to me.. but that is as much as i am willing to say on here.

right now it is his assertion that he lives in one room in a house with others because i live in a small but nice apartment. That sounds plausible until you factor in that A) he has stated numerous times that he prefers living with others B) that he lives far away and the rent of my aprtment is the SAME as his one room and the biggest point is C) me moving into a crappy place won't make his place any nicer.

he still sees the money he gives me as somehow me receiving some "gift" from him out of his good heart and not support payments. He doesn't get it that he agreed to a particular amount and if i choose to have a nicer apartment and less of something else.. that has nothing to do with anything about him and isn't his business.

ugh... see? there i am *justifying* my decisions again. How quickly i fall into that. i become the inferior one.

the wave of anger i am going to have come my way is just horrible to think about but there isn't anything i can do.

i put a stack of love for you in an envelope and dropped in the mailbox yesterday.
unfortunately tomorrows sunday so you may not receive it until monday, but i sent you love.


thinking of you. thinking of yr kindness, yr positivity to others even in these trying times, yr warmth.
man! im just wishing i could try to sneak in one of my (in)famous lil' presh crazy hugs!

xoxo
presh

Candi - these things sound exactly like my dad when he left my mom.
Remember you are not inferior. ((((((((((candi))))))))))))

(((((Candika))))) I'm so sorry. Lots of hugs and love for you.



Was this an informal agreement between you or a legal agreement? How long did he agree to provide you support payments? A friend once reminded me there isn't any "divorce police" that will come around and make sure everyone does what they said they would. In the U.S., they will garnish wages if a former spouse falls behind on support payments.

I am glad he lives far away from you. Candika, please stay safe.