[daisy81]

So I'm trying to lose weight in a healthy way and without obsessing. Well I lost 10lbs and of course I wasn't happy. Instead of being proud that I did it, I was mad at myself that it wasn't more. What made me even more upset was when I went to see my boyfriends family. I haven't seen them in awhile so I was hoping they would notice I lost weight but they didn't at all. It made me very upset. I'm starting to obsess and weigh myself every day, multiple times a day. My bf got mad at me because I got up out of bed at night to weight myself on a different scale just in case it was wrong. I feel like I can't win either way.

[Christina86]

Maybe the boyfriends family just isn't very observant? Or didn't know what to say? Other people can be unpredictable, especially with compliments or comments about physical appearance. As long as YOU notice the weight loss and know you're trying to keep yourself healthy without obsessing and developping it into an eating disorder... that's generally a good thing.

[matt c]

Hi Daisy81, just interested to know what support you are getting? I guess this isnt simply about losing weight for you, otherwise you wouldnt be here in an eating disorder forum? Do you see a therapist or counsellor, or are you struggling with things on your own?
You say your boyfriend got mad because you got out of bed in the night to check your weight...have you discussed with him about how you are feeling and what you are going through? (sorry for the obvious questions!)
From your post you do seem to recognise that you are obsessing about weight even though that is what you are trying to avoid. Are you able to focus on other benefits...energy levels, mood, increased fitness, looking after yourself by improving nutrition regardless of weight?
Yes, it might have been nice for others to have noticed and said so, but when you think about it, this is putting your self-esteem in the hands of other people, which can be part of the problem where EDs are concerned!
Im new here, but it looks like theres lots of great support, so keep posting, and best wishes
Matt c

[whoswho]

I once fasted for 7 days and lost 15lbs. But I wasn't happy. In fact, I was upset that I hadn't lost 20lbs., even though 15lbs. was my initial "goal."

The point is, it's important to realize that the voice inside your head isn't logical. You're loosing weight in a healthy way, and that's worth celebrating. You're showing that your ED isn't in control. Get rid of the scale; you don't need it. The scale is just a number. You'll know you're losing weight by the way your clothes fit and the complements you'll receive. You'll know your healthy because of your abundant energy.

And don't worry about people noticing your weight loss. They will. I'm a tall person, so if I lose 10lbs., it doesn't make much of a difference. However, some people lose 5lbs and can drop a whole dress size. There are many other factors that can determine weight loss, such as your body composition (people that are overweight tend to lose weight faster at first, with a more noticeable effect) and fat-storage areas on your body (thighs and hips release fat slower than the abdomen area). And, of course, some people are just really oblivious and won't notice until you lose 20lbs.! Just remember that healthy weight loss is a gradual process and takes a little time and effort. But all that effort will pay off, and you'll get the complements soon.

Good luck.

[daisy81]

I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he said his family doesn't notice things like that. I don't know, I just don't believe it.

MattC- As of now I'm not seeing a therapist but I've thought about it. I'm not sure if I have an ED but when I read through posts on here, I realize that a lot of people feel exactly like I do. I do obsess over my weight and the way I look. It consumes my thoughts and has for most of my life. I'll restrict and obsess over what I eat but if I don't lose enough I get very upset and then eat whatever. I feel like I'll be fat all my life and that's how I'm meant to be. It's a cycle I can't break.

My boyfriend tries to help me feel better about myself but it doesn't work. I get mad at him b/c I feel like he's just saying things to be nice.

[matt c]

“I get mad at him b/c I feel like he's just saying things to be nice”
wow – I bet that rings a bell with a lot of people here!

Really low self esteem and low self worth are SO prevalent with eating & weight problems (no need to get too hung up over ED or not ED) it can be that we just can’t believe anything good about us.

And it does sound like you are stuck in the horrible: feel bad = diet = disappointment = overeat = weight gain = feel bad = diet = disappointment …and so on and so on…cycle. Yuk!
But…now you are here and you can get support from the other members. And learn from others experiences.
And as Whoswho said…if you can get rid of the scales, that would be great. You are channeling everything into your concerns about your weight at the moment. If you could harness all that energy that you are currently wasting by worrying about your weight and use it for something else instead, who knows what you might achieve!

Start to look for your ‘small victories’ – you’re talking to your boyfriend about things and that’s great – you’ve come to a forum where you realise you are far from being alone in how you feel, and that’s a start. Time to take some more small steps forward!

Best Wishes,

Matt c