Battling with Bulimia - At 42 years old...

So in a nutshell, I need some support and encouragement, I've suffered with bulimia on and off for the last 20 + years. Started from a violent physical relationship with an old boyfriend, came and went throughout my early 20's and then in my 30's it would raise itself now and again. 2 years ago I suffered a medical mistake and now suffer with Depression, PTSD and Anxiety, for the last two years I have battled with the urge to vomit after eating and now I am very obese and disabled from the medical mistake and now I find when I overeat I get the urge to vomit again. We have a lot of stress with a big lawsuit and I find that I'm not able to resist the urges to do it. T. told me to be extremely careful b/c of the meds I take it can cause a heart attack, yet the drive to do it is so strong. I cannot last a morning without eating and breaking a diet plan, I have no willpower to help myself. I have 3 young boys and I'm frightened for my health and wellbeing. Any positive support would be more than welcomed.

Hi Amante - Theres lots of people here to listen.
Sending you all my encouragement and best wishes,

let us know how things are going...

Matt C

Hi matt,
thanks for the encouragement, today was a bit better day, I at least didn't puke. basically b/c I stayed in bed most of the day with my 3 year old watching cartoons.
some days are easier than others, today was better than yesterday.

it's nice to see people can support me over the net.

Hi amante,

Eating disorders start young, but they can last a lifetime. My aunt was hospitalized for her anorexia even in her late 30s. Thankfully she's doing better--she's 46 now.

I'm glad you had a good day today. I have the same struggles you do, so hopefully we can encourage each other to get well.

Whoswho

Your going through alot right now and have so much going on inside your head that you feel you need a release and youve always got that release from purgeing.
Please try and give yourself a break,your being very hard on yourself.
Unfortunely heart attacks can happen suddenly in anyone with an eating disorder as permament damage to the heart is often caused.Your t sounds like she warning you that the meds make the risk even higher.
Be care ful but dont beat yourself up if you have a slip up.A slip up is a slip up thats all.You can always start again.
Take care

Hi again........Thats cool. Sometimes it seems thats as much as we can hope for.
I hope you have many many more 'better days'...starting with tomorrow!!

Princess Butterfly talked about the emotional release we can get from purging, which does so often seem the case....so maybe you can get some of that release by posting on here about how your feeling and how your coping
Let us know Amante,

Matt C

thanks for the positive posts - you both really encouraged me to hang in there.
Today was a busy day, and with a trip to the pediatrician so I didn't have the urge or time to do it today.

that said, I did have Taco Bell today, and kept that down so that is good.
I'll keep you all posted on how its going, the good days and bad. thanks for the support and love.