i wish i didnt have to eat.

not too long ago i realized that I will never look the way i want to if i eat. the only way i keep weight off is if i barely eat anything, the moment i do actually eat a meal i feel like i gained twenty pounds. i used to really enjoy food, but now i dread going to lunch at school bc i have to eat something or else people talk. if it wasn't necessary to eat to survive i would be completely fine giving up food for the rest of my life. i'll look at my cake but i wont eat it too. so whats the point of living if i cant enjoy food and not worry about how i look?

I know how you feel--I wish food wasn't a necessary part of life. I wish I could tell you that you needn't worry about how you "look" but you have to come to that decision yourself. there are more important things in life than what you look like, but I think that comes with age. I'm sure you look fabulous no matter what! I feel that there are underlying issues that make you focus on what you look like/what you're eating/not eating. have you seen a therapist?

i only went once to see one, and she was horrible so I decided not to go back. i should probably go see someone else but my parents are tired of hearing about "my problems" so i stopped talking about it, now im just trying to deal with it on my own

DOn't give up honey. Sometimes you just fall on the wrong doctor for yourself.
I feel the same way about food and my weight. I'm the only one who sees me as fat but that doesn't seem to help. It's what we think about ourselves that counts. Try not to dwell on it. I know it's easy to say but....
Take it one day at a time and if you don't do any exercise you might think about it. I walk just to keep the pounds off and it really helps with my mood too!
One day at a time,

I know exactly how you feel! I try nit to eat anything until it becomes critically necessary, like my blood sugar is so low I know I'm I jeopardy of a seizure or I am so dizzy I have to put something in. This is such a twisted game I've played and still keep playing to see how far I can go. I don't know when I'll learn. Each year my anorexic stays and eacb time I come out of treatment it just gets worse and worse and the fear of food, grocery stores and resaraunts amplifies. You are not alone and my heart goes out to you becaue I know how this struggle can take you places! Mt T says so many of my fears are irrational bc I too think just being in a store or around food will make me gain. I don't no how to change the tapes but I put up little affirmations to remind myself positive things and they do help. A least it can't hurt to try! Peace sweetie!