[virtualhugs95]

I have just been reffered to an eating disorder specialist since my T doesnt deal with eating disorders and i am scared. I fear they will make me gain weight (even though im a healthy weight NOT LYING) and if its possible i would like to lose maybe a couple more punds and stay at that point. But i know thats not possible since losing a couple more pounds will put me under weight. NOT GOOD. Anyway, does anyone have any ideas on how to cope with potential weight gain. If i can stay as i am, i could live with it, but the untimate goal is not to put on weight as i am a healthy weight (just) anyway. Im so scared. Help?

Another thing, is it unusual that i want to recover but i dont. I have anorexia and bulimia (apparently, i purge my dinner and starve during the day) and im so so so scared of recovering to the point i alomost cried in an exam today. Please help!!

[brokenlegsofthelamb]

Originally Posted by virtualhugs95

I have just been reffered to an eating disorder specialist since my T doesnt deal with eating disorders and i am scared. I fear they will make me gain weight (even though im a healthy weight NOT LYING) and if its possible i would like to lose maybe a couple more punds and stay at that point. But i know thats not possible since losing a couple more pounds will put me under weight. NOT GOOD. Anyway, does anyone have any ideas on how to cope with potential weight gain. If i can stay as i am, i could live with it, but the untimate goal is not to put on weight as i am a healthy weight (just) anyway. Im so scared. Help?

Another thing, is it unusual that i want to recover but i dont. I have anorexia and bulimia (apparently, i purge my dinner and starve during the day) and im so so so scared of recovering to the point i alomost cried in an exam today. Please help!!

hi virtual! i JUST read your post and can relate to what you are experiencing. the majority of people can likely "lose a couple pounds" and stay there, but i have found that very hard to do myself. my psychiatrist said it's a "slippery slope." maybe you can relate? from what you've said, it sounds like you are considering the risks involved. if your goal is to STAY at a healthy weight,
you will FIGHT THE URGE to jepordize that. it is also not unusual to want/not want recovery. i am also there. i really try to concentrate on other things besides my weight; interest and care of my family, a special project. it's not easy is it? i, too, want to lose some weight, AND LIKE YOU, am at a healthy weight, AND would be underweight if i did. it's all right to be scared. please keep trying. lamb.

I started treatment a while back, the place I go mostly focuses less on the weight and more on the mind set, thinking and issues behind the problem.

I totally understand how you feel. I want to get better, but I don't want to get better. I want to feel better, but I don't want to give up my ways or gain weight. It feels terrifying at times. I just try to focus on getting to healthy weight and not fear overweight. And I try to focus on feeling freedom, freedom from self defeating, negative thoughts, and how good it will feel.

Like Bokenlegsofthelamb said, try to focus and put that enegery into other things in your life, and that does help a lot.

You're not alone in how you are feeling right now.

[avoice]

Hang in there give it your best. Could be your last place it's hard and very triggering, I know been down that road one to many. Much love my friend

[Yoda]

Likely what you want to gain weight is more muscle. Do you work out and do weights and stuff?