I got out of Renfrew and I'm finally eating again. I'd lost a ton of weight and my treatment center sent me to Renfrew because of the severity that my weight loss (I was losing a ton of weight really fast). So now I'm out and I'm eating what I should be but the THOUGHTS. They're killing me. I've never had a drive so big. To not eat.

Every time I eat a meal I hate myself. Feeling full after a meal is where I struggle the most and that voice inside my head starts lighting off like wildfire. The thoughts of cutting corners, taking diet pills, exercising, doing whatever I can to start losing weight again. It's killing me. But I'm still eating. I'm just doing it mechanically. Trying to enjoy it, but I can't even do that. I'm just doing it or else Skyland (the treatment that I'm back at) will discharge me again.

How do you stop these thoughts. So much of me wants to go back to heavily restricting, but I know I can't. And it's tearing me apart inside.

[avoice]

Keep your head up thinking of you. You keep prossing your thoughts they will sort out.

[doggiedo]

Hang in there hun. I don't think the question you need to try and answer is how do you stop these thoughts, but rather, how do you push them aside (and eventually push them out of your head) and replace them with good thoughts and affirmations. When you were in Renfew, did they give you any advice? What if you tried to write down your bad thought and phyically cross out that thought on the paper....rip that thought up and throw it out...and then, think of 2 good things (positive things) that you can write down on an on-going list that can help view yourself in a positive light. Even if you don't believe them at first. That's okay. It's kinda like admitting you have negative thoughts and realizing that it's okay...but that you can replace them with positive affirmations. You know how much a smile can make a difference in changing your mood when you are feeling down. They say that simple things like smiling and laughing can have a positive impact on mood. What if you tried the writing down the bad thoughts, ripping them up, and starting on a "good thoughts" list. Just a thought.
You've done really great eating and doing better - please don't let that slip.

[Woundedheart1]

I wish I had an awmser for u bc I'm trapped by my thoughts! I had a great therapist that used to tell me to flip the tapes I'm my head. To write out positive affirmations and use them instead of the negative so when u was feeding into the negative to flip to the positive I had thought about at sometime and actually start speaking them to myself instead. It's profoundly difficult and takes great concentration but can be done in some situations. I still remember this years later and try to utilize that tool. The other thing I do is take fortune cookie statements I find profound to me and my life and tape them around the house where I will see them many times a day and it helps too. I still greatly struggle I'm not going to lie nut I try to implement "tricks" if you want to call them that try to rewire me and look for ways to not to feed into negative self loathing. Ie I don't use mirrors like fuul length or cameras and try to find ways to work out my neg self image by writing and sharing with my docs. Good luck.