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Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Blackwood, NJ
Posts: 243
11 28 hugs
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#1
I woke today with a pregnant stomach. I thought I had moved past these distortions but apparently not. Taking a shower was pure agony as every inch of me was exposed, and I couldn't get away from it.
I go through CBT worksheets and my endless supply of "when you feel ____, do this!" notecards. Yet, I am still pregnant. I know that I am not. My stomach is not bulging out and I am the furthest thing from having rolls, yet my eyes and mind deceive me. I actually see rolls! I will never understand how this is possible. And it's not even that I think larger sizes are ugly. I have never thought that. So I don't even understand why I am so afraid of it. Actually, I do. I am afraid of being out-of-control, and for some reason my mind and emotions equate "fat" with "out-of-control". Bizarre how my mind tricks me! So, I continue to run through my affirmations, my verses, my worksheets. I act opposite and dress "up" even though I work from home. And, today, I post to PC to see (hopefully) that I am not alone in this. Maybe I am. Even so, I am choosing to ride this out today and not "act out" this feeling with my deceitfully-trusty ED. It will not win today, but boy is it ever trying. |
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Pack of One
Member Since May 2012
Location: in the US!
Posts: 4,068
11 1,861 hugs
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#2
I understand what you are going through. I can't trust my eyes, can't trust how my body feels, can't trust what other people say how I look. It's very disheartening and scary sometimes, and I just feel so weak for not doing more about it.
I am glad to hear that you are working through it best you can, with affirmations and such! You are definitely not alone. I am glad you are taking the positive way out today... Good luck!!! And nice to meet you. __________________ |
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Kate King
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Member
Member Since Sep 2012
Posts: 48
11 104 hugs
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#3
Kate king hugs you are not alone I feel like that a lot my self great for not "acting out" and taking control back from ED and not letting ED win keep on posting
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Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Blackwood, NJ
Posts: 243
11 28 hugs
given |
#4
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mrskid
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mrskid
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Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Blackwood, NJ
Posts: 243
11 28 hugs
given |
#5
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AngelWolf3
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AngelWolf3
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