[AngelWolf3]

So note to self: don't try to have a serious possibly life changing converstation with your "it's complicated not in a relationship but maybe" ex-husband during lunch.

I am proud of myself that I didn't run to the bathroom after my half sandwich and soup, but for the love of God, what the heck am I supposed to do with all these freaking feelings? I would have felt so much better if I had. Now I'm just depressed even more.

ICK. I HATE THIS. I want him to understand but I am too afraid.

[precious things]

We're you trying to explain the eating disorder to him?

You are brave of many fronts...you got through the meal and made an effort to open up emotionally (even if he didnt respond well or in a way you needed). Grab a pen and paper and write out what you are feeling - all of it. Maybe you could take this into your next t session.

[vasiliki021]

seriously you got to talk to him. you can't be alone to this.

[spondiferous]

(((( AngelWolf3 ))))
I think you should be happy that you made a positive step in the right direction, even if you feel like the rest of it sucks. I hope you can find more support, it sounds like you need it. And yeah, I find that when I'm stressed about something it's generally a good idea to not involve food in the mix. Just sets me up. So I totally get you on that.

[AngelWolf3]

Thank you all for your replies! and vasilki021, welcome to PC...! I would have "hugged" at the end of your reply too, but I don't like to do that at first, since some don't prefer the hug button, but you are just as appreciated as the others! (hey and if Hugs are ok, I can come back and add it)

Yeah, I was kinda trying to explain the Eating disorder thing, and the PTSD...but I feel like he might think I am looking for attention even though rationally I know he won't think this way. I guess it's just so scary!

I don't want to give up the secret crap I go through each day, in relation to both issues. I don't want to look weak, even though I don't think anyone with these (and/or other issues) are weak at all!!!

[spondiferous]

Being vulnerable is one of the hardest things we can do. I have PTSD as well with my ED and I have had to work really hard the last few years to share it with people in my life. I've gotten to a place where I don't feel safe about people not knowing my stuff - in case something happens - but I still beat the crap out of myself for having these things that I have to live with. It's so much easier to be compassionate and understanding with other people...I hope someday I can give that to myself without it feeling wrong or awkward.

[AngelWolf3]

OH my gosh. I totally get that. Totally understand. I feel exactly the same. It's like you voiced something I couldn't get straight in my head at all! Now to for me to work on it! (heehee, easy to say, hard to do!)