[precious things]

to go inpatient? I have backed out of treatment many times in my life. My current T is recommending inpatient and I am completely against, mostly out of fear, not feeling safe and refusal to give up control. I also don't feel fully committed and think I would go through the whole production and upheaval of being admitted, only to back out in day or two or three in, so I think, why go if one knows they aren't committed to recovery?

I've lost all social interaction
Had this ED for almost 25 years
Engage in behaviors everyday..
It dominates my every waking moment
I have health effects that I ignore
Therapy doesn't stop the behaviors

And yet...I can't ever conceive of letting myself get that kind of intensive treatment ...forget the logistics of how it would interrupt my life, I've just never felt I could turn the disease over to a group of strangers.


What motivated or let you feel safe to go IP?

[Victoria'smom]

I have never been IP. If my T suggests it knowing my complete fear of it I trust her enough to listen. So to me it comes down to how much you trust your T. If you do trust your t then you have to give it a resl shot.

[Moodswing]

I would never trust anyone enough to consider in patient. For me that would be a total failure and to much exposure and I can not give up control. No one knows I have an ED. Not even my husband and I see 2 therapist. I lied and told him I have PTSD from childhood issues. It is not far from the truth but no one can ever know about my maladaptive coping behaviors.

I used to do it everyday but helped myself to get it down to 4x a week. I only sought help when I set plans to kill myself. I have a major suicide attempt 10years ago and I was still sane enough to know I needed help. That was so hard because I know I would be exposed to what I really feel instead of what I put out to the rest of the world.

Remember this is just me. Everyone is different. Maybe the only way for you to get under control is to give up control.

[precious things]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I have never been IP. If my T suggests it knowing my complete fear of it I trust her enough to listen. So to me it comes down to how much you trust your T. If you do trust your t then you have to give it a resl shot.

I trust my T to a point and if I am being objective about it, Im sure I need a higher level of care, but I don't trust myself to turn that control over.

I wonder how many of us have marched to our ED graves because we refused to give up control?

Nobody will ever know the exact number, I guess ... Sure is sad though ...

Especially since letting go is what actually allows the real healing to begin.

[precious things]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

I wonder how many of us have marched to our ED graves because we refused to give up control?

Nobody will ever know the exact number, I guess ... Sure is sad though ...

Especially since letting go is what actually allows the real healing to begin.

This.

[Victoria'smom]

I think finding out why you control really helps.

[spondiferous]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

I wonder how many of us have marched to our ED graves because we refused to give up control?

Nobody will ever know the exact number, I guess ... Sure is sad though ...

Especially since letting go is what actually allows the real healing to begin.

Yep.
I haven't done IP for my ED, but I've done it for other things. And I can say that it was weird having to do it but it also gave me a feeling of safety and security while I had the time and space to explore my stuff. Yeah, surrendering control is hard. But it doesn't hurt to give it a try.

[Gr3tta]

i don't think "being completely committed to recovery" is what is needed to be willing to go IP. i think what is needed, is a willingness to try to get to that point. i think being completely committed to recovery is where you might hope to be when you're ready to be discharged from IP.
i've struggled with ed's for a really long time as well. i hope you'll give IP and anything else that might help you a chance. you've been hurting with this for a long time, and you deserve some relief.

[precious things]

I think it is so incredibly courageous to seek that level of treatment...and I am not exactly the face of courage these days...quite the opposite. I think its hard for anyone who has dealt with this over years and years, we tend to ignore the physical and emotional side effects...we become used to them whereas if you had only been struggling for a few months, you might take all the red flags more seriously.

For me it does come down to control and trust....T is willing to work with me on an outpatient basis for now...I think I need more security in that relationship before I could take any bigger steps.

[eskielover]

Sort of like the frog that jumps into the pot of cold water on the stove & doesn't realize the water's boiling until it's too late.

I also don't think that until you are really fed up with the life you are living & really want it to change will anything even IP be of any use....at least it wasn't for me & that went for all the times I was in IP in the psych hospitals & the time I was in the IP for 6 weeks at the ED Radar Treatment center. Problem for me at the time was that I didn't want to live & it didn't matter, nothing anyone said made any difference....it had to come from within & that didn't happen until I left my husband after 33 years & moved 2100 miles away to a place where I could really realize who I was......then I didn't need any IP treatment. Found a wonderful psychologist & DBT group & it helped my outlook on life....until just last week when major stress hit again & the first thing to go is my eating because of the stress....but at least I'm not around the major source of anger which was my H.

We really have to look at what the causes are for the ED & sometimes that can be painful....but nothing can ever be resolved & have a normal life until it is.....

Which means the frog needs to jump out of the pot when it feels the water getting warm instead of allowing it to make him feel more comfortable & just sit there boiling to death.

Bottom line...it's our choices we have to make but change only happens when we get fed up with where we are & it's more uncomfortable to stay that way than it is to seek help to change.