I'm going to start keeping binge food in my house once again. This is a major step back for me and it is done with the permission of T to do so.

I binge on sugar products to numb the extreme pain that I feel. To not have the binge foods at the needed time does lead to sucide attempts.

There are distractions, I just can't seem to find some activiity other than SI that brings the numbness that I have to have.

Do you have any suggestions.... something that makes you so numb you don't feel anything.

I have been asking myfelf lately, if no one loves you, is it really worth trying. Of what value is a single person that no one loves.

If you cannot even fit in a psych board with people that have similar problems of what value is your life?

[Soidhonia]

Hello Freewill.
I hope you are feeling better soon. PM anytime. Take care Soidhonia

[(JD)]

I think you fit in here, freewill. ((((hugs)))) You are loved. I'm sorry you aren't feeling it. Ok on the T's decision. A controlled binge is better than an uncontrolled suicide in my book too!

Do your best. I'm glad your T is helping.

[razeljenny]

Each day has the opportunity to be completely different from the other.

Freewill, remember to breathe breathe breathe breathe

Thank God we arent fortune tellers and can't say emphatically that tomorrow is going to turn out exactaly as some other time.

I think tomorrow could be surprising to me and you

We ought to rearrange our bedroom. We ought to drive ourself to the art museum next week

We can make another choice any day we want to

Our wills have permission to do things that are seeming odd to us to relax ourselves tomorrow

It isn't anyone business about why we have to get out and go to odd places if we feel compelled to do it

Food is the harbinger of destruction for E.D.'s so we need to run out in some other direction once in a while until we get in a comfort zone that can take it's place sometimes.

We do have the licence to do anything neat that our mind immagines to be temporally happy. It doesn't have to cost a cent. Just do it if it feels good, do it even if it seems weird, we are worth it.

I once bought dollar cologne at the store and it temporarily made me feel great. (Weird, I know)

Once I took five dollars to the Goodwill store and forced myself to purchase items that I usually don't like to buy. It made me feel good to go home with a framed painting that I didn't really need so be it.

One day at a time with a will to be different.

love razeljenny