[inkblot]

Okay, I dropped off a note after work tonight. I don't think I'll hear anything until the next appointment--a looooooooooooooooooooong 9 days away! I would love to talk to him sooner. I gave an idea of what happened in the letter and said that I didn't want to go into all the details. I admitted taking OTC vitamins/supplements before. I said that I haven't really been eating much of anything. I told him that the thoughts I had were telling me to do "whatever it takes" to feel thin again. I said that I was afraid to talk to him about it and that I was kind of embarrassed, too. The letter was 1 full page, typed. I included a small hand-written update on just today that admitted I was hungry and wanted to eat, but felt that I didn't want to and didn't need to, that I didn't care if I lose weight, it feels like thinner is better, and that I have been scared about money lately. I think I've lost maybe 5 pounds. I also mentioned in the letter about being online talking to someone (in other words each person here). I also said that I promised someone that I would at least write and drop off a note to him. I don't feel that I was scolded before, it's actually kind of nice to have a firm reminder. I do miss my T though and can't wait till our next appointment.

YeeeeeHAAA! You did SO good Inky. From what you've said, that must have been really hard for you to write, and even harder to drop off. I hope there was at least a little bit of a feeling of relief. It's out in the open now, so you two can begin to open this door up. That's so great. It'll be difficult, but you sound so strong and I just know you take these steps together with your pals here and your therapist! We are right there with you. A hoard of posters following you down the path to wellness!

I'm so glad you did this. Now, celebrate with a yogurt, or something, will ya??

Emmy


"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

[Rapunzel]

Good for you!!! And thanks for letting us know you got it done.

Do you mind if I go off the subject on your thread? I hope not, but my husband joined this board, and I thought I was okay with it, but now I'm afraid to talk about things because I might not want him to know everything. And I don't have a T anymore. He said I looked good enough to stop therapy. I can still write to him, but he's just not good at answering e-mail. I've been waiting 8 days for an answer to the last one, and when he does reply it is usually just "thanks for writing." Now he says he isn't comfortable going into deep personal issues through e-mail because he's travelling so much and doesn't have time.

Anyway, if I start a thread my husband is more likely to see it and I feel like hiding right now. I don't think he reads the eating disorders forum, so maybe I am safe this way.

Today was exactly one year since the SI incident that landed me in jail for 2 hours. I've had this feeling that I need to mark that day by not eating. I'm not considered to have an eating disorder since my weight is okay and I'm not bulimic, so my T never seemed to want to hear about my eating habits. In fact, I told him once that I sabotage myself by not eating, particularly when there is something I need to do like taking a test, and he said that's okay. He was more concerned if I don't sleep, which I do too.

I did wind up eating more today than I planned on (3 pieces of chocolate, an apple, and a granola bar). What bothers me is that I forget to feed the kids. They usually find something - they always eat something good for breakfast (since I never eat breakfast and they are used to getting their own), but we forgot about dinner today. They do snack, on healthy stuff, but ....

Interesting that you mentioned worrying about money. I worry about that too, and the first thing I think of is that I just won't eat. I made it through college on a very low budget, and often couldn't afford groceries. I made a batch of cookies about once a week and that was sometimes all I had.

Well, sorry for the interruption. I just needed to tell somebody. Thanks!

And Inkblot, please keep letting us know how you are doing.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
-Wendy

<font color=orange>"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May</font color=orange>

[inkblot]

I understand how you feel about your husband being around here. One one hand, it's great to share such a great place! Then again, you do lose some of that privacy. I've been there! Maybe I can PM you on this, too.

Part of the problem with my eating is that I do blame it on money. I think about how much money I save by NOT eating, or by skipping that craving for a taco from Taco Bell, or whatever. When I do give in to cravings, I tell myself it's okay to skip eating because I indulged. And what you said about dining on cookies? Been there, done that! Adds to calories consumed, but saves money. True (tolerated, LOL)dining pleasure comes in the form of chocolate, licorice or other carbohydrates, including ice cream! Well, in my opinion anyway. Lots of good nutrients, too!

Hey you two....friends encourage good healthy behaviors. Don't be encouraging each other to eat cookies for dinner! Imagine me and you two together in a room, dressed as the Three Stooges. That's me bonking your heads together!

Rapunzel - Maybe you could keep a chart of what/when you feed the kids to be sure they get enough healthy food. You don't want them to develop health problems, or their mommy's naughty eating habits! If they are old enough, involve them in it.

I just finished a huge pile of old fashioned oatmeal. And I even like it. WIth dried apples, and walnuts, cooked in the microwave. Yum. Now I'm off to polish my halo and save the rest of the world.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

[Rapunzel]

Thanks for the head-bonking, Emily. I probably deserved that. Where do you draw the line though between encouraging and just sharing understanding? Sometimes it is good just to be understood and to know that someone else has similar thoughts, feelings, and even behaviors. My Health Psychology professor even admits to eating cookies for breakfast sometimes. She even joined my vegetarian chocolate addicts club. Anyone else want to join up? So far I have two members, counting myself. She said chocolate tastes better than prozac.

My kids ate oatmeal for breakfast today. We ran out of the packets so they had to make it from scratch. They're pretty good about that, and oatmeal is a good, nutritious hot breakfast. We homeschool, and I have my 12-year-old daughter working on a Nutrition unit study. But you can go ahead and sign me up for the "do-as-I-say-and-not-as-I-do" award.

This morning I am finding out (again) why it is not a good idea to not eat and take diet supplements at the same time. I drank some dieter's tea yesterday. The stuff doesn't usually bother me, but now it's got my digestive system tied up in knots. Ouch! The stuff has Senna in it - a laxative. If I serve no other purpose in life, I can always serve as a bad example.


<font color=orange>"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May</font color=orange>

[PlanningtoLive]

::::::::::::::::::throwing my 2 cents in::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Ahem...........to one of the most talented, intelligent women I know. You have much to deal with, yet your compassion and understanding always shine thru.

xoxoxox {{{{{{{{{{{{Wendy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't mean to lecture - I just worry...umm... loudly. I shall endeavor to temper it a bit. You two are doing great just by being here posting, and sharing.

Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama