I hate it when getting sick triggers not eating just like stress

If you have ever seen a horse with colic....that's about how I felt on Friday. At first I thought it was appendicitis...but it was the wrong side....they I thought kidneys....but the cramps were on the front & on the back of my right side.....I could actually feel the knot there......it was so much pain, I was throwing up most of the day.

I never call an MD...but I actually put a call in & waited for a return call & in the mean time, I called my friend who is my pharmacist & he said that he has heard of similar & he had almost like it the previous day. The nurse at the MD's office called back & confirmed that.

I had been feeling the pain all that morning & got a call that I had to take care of some financial issues so I could get the lanolium instead of carpeting for my bedroom....& right after that it hit. I was rolling around on my bed not being able to find any way to lay that was comfortable. One side the pain hurt so bad & the other side kept making me throw up. I hadn't bothered to eat the day before which made it that much worse. Cold water made my stomach cramp worse & hot tea made me feel even more sick.....by the end of the day I had lost quite a bit of weight even though I didn't have any food in my stomach.....guess it was all dehydration. The nurse told me about the banana toast, & something else diet.....but I couldn't even walk downstairs to the kitchen let alone think about trying to make anything to eat ...besides every smell was making me so sick, I couldn't stand any smell & that had started early in the morning before I ever felt sick.

The thing is after feeling like that...I can't stand eating.....& I can maybe take a few bites of food without feeling horrible. I have found that it's triggers even like this that can start the restricting all over again......stress & bugs are definitely my two huge triggers....& when you put them both together. Seems like my life is never stable enough to ever go without a trigger which tends to actually keep my weight stable.

What I found when I went through the trauma was that it took a really LONG time for my body to get down to the anemia state even without eating well for almost 6 months. I would eat a grilled cheese sandwich which might have taken me all day to eat....but it gave my body enough nutrition to keep it from going into the anemic state. It wasn't until I couldn't eat or drink at all that the problem hit....& that wasn't until the last month of my mother's life when the actual trauma hit.

I made a spinach portebella mushroom pizza on Saturday evening. Cut it into 6 pieces & had one piece along with about 2 small slices of grilled butternut squash that I grilled on my BBQ.....everything tastes better grilled IMO.....but only a couple of bites until I wasn't feeling good again......so I get all these left overs that I have a hard time making sure I eat before they spoil. I have more spoiled food in my refrig because I never get around to finishing anything I make & living alone......it's really a bother IMO.

It's definitely a battle with food in my life. Most of the time I do like flavors & I do like to cook & bake.....but I hate to eat or I don't feel good when I do so I eat a few bites & then I'm done....or eat at food all day....sort of like a grazing horse. One thing....it does keep me from binging because I hate feeling nausea & I hate even more throwing up.

I am shocked because I usually break blood vessels in my face or in the whites of my eyes when I get sick.....so I was shocked that didn't happen this time.....but it's usually very obvious when I've been sick.....definitely NOT something I can hide.

But once I start the loosing....my body seems to keep on that trend also.....not exactly sure why or how or if it is purely mental either but it's so hard after I've been sick to want to eat again.

Went out to movies & dinner with friends & only ate a few bites of dinner with a doggie bag to take home & eating only a few bites now & then throughout the day is the only way I do get any nutrition....& mostly now....all I want to do is drink ice water.....it's bland & at least now, it's NOT cramping my stomach like it did when the bug had taken over.

Interesting because I finally found a comfortable spot about 6pm....& I fell asleep until around 11pm....woke up & the horrible pain was gone.....I still didn't feel like eating....but it was such a thrill that the pain was gone.

I realized that living alone.....there is no way of really taking care of myself when I do get sick.....that is why I have to take care of myself to some level....like I can't just NOT eat & let myself get to the passing out point like I had before because I have no one to bring me the food necessary to get my energy back to the point where I can function & when I'm that bad (as I had been before) there was no way I could have taken care of myself. Living alone for me is an incentive to at least stay at the minimum level of wellness....only problem is times like when I did get sick & hadn't eaten the day before.....it caused it to be that much worse of a situation & that much harder on myself to get through it.

But even with that, I would NEVER go back to living with my H....that in itself was so stressful that it added to the depression & the suicide attempts even though now I am sure that I understand what his issues are......& much of those horrible 33 years I'm sure was from his not dealing with the aspergers that is the only thing I have come across that explains 100% the irritations of our total time together & even the reasons before our wedding that I had changed my mind about getting married......but ended up going through with it because the whole situation didn't make sense to me....how a nice person could be so irritating & so incompetent & so irresponsible. So our marriage was WAR from the beginning.....but my growing up life with my parents was WAR also....so I really didn't know any other kind of life...I always had to fight for what I thought was right against people who were totally dysfunctional (parents & H alike).

Geeze, I couldn't have possibly been the only sane one in my life.....& I'm sure I wasn't....I definitely have enough issues to prove that I had my own set of issues.....whether the chicken or the egg....who knows....but they were there to deal with.....& eating & food was one of the few things I did actually have some control over once I took that control.....plus stress would cause my metabolism to sky rocket & I would loose weight even eating when I was stressed so when stress made me loose my appetite......I would loose even more.

I am SO sorry you went through that. I hope you feel better.

Hugs

I hope you get to feeling better soon. Those things can for sure trigger restricting behaviors. I'm sorry things are difficult for you right now and I hope that they get easier soon. It is good you're still going out with friends though even if you do have to take most of the food home it is still something. Any food counts even the small stuff. I graze a lot and don't really eat big meals. It is just easier I believe. Then you don't get the full feeling. If you need anything feel free to message me

Eskie-sorry you have been SO sick. But glad you are doing a bit better. Do you have someone you can call to kind of take care of you when you are sick or at least come by several times a day? Best wishes.

Hello my dear friend (((((eskie))))). Hunny, I'm so sorry that you suffer these on going serious issues regarding anything relating to food and eating. I think you know I have big issues too, either trying to keep well away from food, to hide my food, to pretend to family I live with that I AM eating (they know I don't) and sometimes even throwing in the odd binge HORROR of all HORRORS. Over the last 30 plus years I've been 100% stuck in one ED or another. I've been hospitalised a number of times due to anorexia, then at a higher weight hospitalised for bulimia and consequently another in~patient due to my overdoses because I binged so badly I became overweight ~ I just could NOT live life as a FAT person, no way. For all of these years I been in one ED after another. Mostly now I severely restrict and I've done that these last couple of years. Sometimes to stop myself eating I've drank wine to make myself feel sick ~ using that as a way to restrict, even though wine has calories. Wine does NOT give me that ''fullness'' that you mentioned, I too HATE feeling full up, when full I just want to go off and get rid of that feeling any way I can. Whats so very annoying is that I've completely messed up my metabolism and so I have to eat NOTHING to loose weight. That coupled with the psych meds I'm now on, they have also made me gain a lot. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and ED's are just one of the many horrible symptoms it comes with. I'm in therapy now and have been for quite a while. I've stopped drinking alcohol, I'm in a de~tox/re~hab to get off of a painkiller I was addicted to (it curbed my appatite) and I'm getting better following a 7 month suicidal depression. I don't believe I'll ever be ''normal'' again, why should I? I still LOVE feeling and being thin, not just slim, I yern to be THIN. So my darling (((((eskie))))) I so DO UNDERSTAND exactly where you are coming from, I really do. I send you big HUGS and even more LOVES, as ever.