[maddnessreturns]

I'm just having a breakdown over my eating disorder. Just within a few weeks it has spiraled out of control again and it sounds sad but I'm scared. I'm scared because I'm afraid my body is finally going to be like done after 11 years of an eating disorder. But then somehow my eating disorder convinces me I'm not sick of enough. I'm not thin enough. I don't deserve to be in treatment. I'm so sick of this. I'm scared I'm never going to get out of this hole. I finally ate something today and then I wanted to purge so bad and I was trying to get support and the only thing I got was well you look healthy.

[perseverance11]

Originally Posted by maddnessreturns

I'm just having a breakdown over my eating disorder. Just within a few weeks it has spiraled out of control again and it sounds sad but I'm scared. I'm scared because I'm afraid my body is finally going to be like done after 11 years of an eating disorder. But then somehow my eating disorder convinces me I'm not sick of enough. I'm not thin enough. I don't deserve to be in treatment. I'm so sick of this. I'm scared I'm never going to get out of this hole. I finally ate something today and then I wanted to purge so bad and I was trying to get support and the only thing I got was well you look healthy.

Hello,

I think you should see your doctor to try to find something to help you.

I hope you will feel better soon.

perseverance11

[buttrfli42481]

It takes time for our minds to get out of the ED mindset. It has been 2yrs since I was actively involved with behaviors and I still have those thoughts on occasion.

You DO deserve to be in treatment. You WILL get out of the hole. It sucks when we don't get the support we so desperately need. Keep coming here and reaching out.

The other day my mom made a comment about my stomach, and I wanted so badly to restrict and not eat; however I chose to tell the thoughts to shut up and they did. You can do it hun.