[cka87]

Do you ever leave therapy feeling worse than before? I think my T is trying out tough love on me and I hate it. I feel so discouraged. I already have a hard time talking in therapy and she really got on to me about that today. She also talked about how stubborn I am being- refusing to give up my ED. I know she is right BUT I also don't know where to begin. I’ve had this ED for 15 years and its my whole identity. T told me “ you have no life because you don’t go do anything, you don't spend time with other people because all you do is isolate and restrict” which makes me feel like a LOSER and makes me angry, partly because I hate someone telling me I have no life, and partly because she is right. I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach, i don’t want to go back.

[kaliope]

so can you talk to her about how you feel? let her know this approach is not working for you? how much do you want to get better? I know when my t says something that hurts, it is because I don't want to hear it and that is because it is something I really need to look at. so I really take it seriously. after all, I am paying them to be honest with me and help me get better and sometimes the truth hurts, but if they don't tell it to me like it is, I am never going to get better.

[eskielover]

Yes, therapy isn't there to make us feel good it's there to help us get better. If we don't hear the challenges, they are definitely things we will NEVER tell ourselves because we want to avoid the truth because the truth so often hurts...... & unfortunately, it's the only way we ARE going to get better.......you might not like what she said.....but she said it to try & wake you up & get you out of the ED RUT you are stuck in.

I struggle with not eating.....but at times it's because I am so busy having fun in life & going & doing things on top of working hard around my farm.....having a life really is a fun & good thing......geeze, I would be so boared if the only thing I thought about was restricting.....my problem is that I don't think about food but there are times when I'm out & having fun, I totally enjoy because I know now that I am in control of being healthy & eating enough so that I don't pass out all the time or whenever I want to have fun...nothing worse than destroying a fun time because I haven't eaten & pass out & end up in the hospital.

Get involved with things that you find interesting or start trying different things to see what you like to do & go from there....there is plenty of time to deal with food issues inbetween having fun. I NEVER eat 3 meals a day....if I did, I would be preparing food, eating & cleaning up all day & I don't have time for that.....but I usually try to eat one real meal a day & go from there.....I have messed up my body enough that most of the time it never tells me that it's hungry so I have to remember to eat which is very difficult for me....but one can keep eating under control without having to think about it constantly. Food is the last thing on my mind, but I enjoy gathering wild persimmons & making cookies & jam or find a recipe that I'm interested in & try it when I find the time......you don't have to be obsessed with food to have anorexia either as I have been hospitalized with it & have never had an obcession with calories or figuring the best way to restrict.....it happens when stress hits to trigger it but then really liking to see the weight go down can sometimes take over but I still thinking about loosing weight doesnt take over my thoughts.....it's just the way I live at that time....& I definitely have decided to get a life because when I was living in my bad marriage the last 13 years of the 33....I had no life other than my horses & my dogs.

Hmmmmm maybe you need a pet because they FORCE you to think about someone other than yourself & your ED or you end up with an anorexic pet because you don't feed them & they end up in forced food restriction.....NOT GOOD.

[cka87]

thanks youre right, i definitely want a T who will be honest with me, so i guess i should be thankful for that. i hated hearing the things she said and i know she was speaking truth so i should examine myself and take it seriously.
and eskielover- youre absolutely right about getting involved with things and having a life full of stuff that does not involve my ED. for some reason this is so freaking hard for me to do! even though having a life full of joy and devotion to things BESIDES myself and my ED should be amazing..it still is hard to start.

[eskielover]

getting involved with things and having a life full of stuff that does not involve my ED. for some reason this is so freaking hard for me to do! even though having a life full of joy and devotion to things BESIDES myself and my ED should be amazing..it still is hard to start.

You are right...it is very difficult to do because it's just like an addiction & your mind has become addicted with those thoughts & actions in place of like an addiction to drugs or smoking or alcohol.....but if you honestly look at your ED.....it has the same place in your life as those addictions have in other people who are addicted to them....it becomes their whole life.

Breaking an addiction or even a habbit is very difficult & takes a lot of time & repetition of doing what it is you really don't feel like doing & what you haven't done for a long time or maybe even never.....it's a learning process & then an action repetition of the new behavior to make the change happen......that's why it's sooooo very difficult....but it CAN BE DONE if you really want it.

DBT has a term "opposite action urge".......which means that you go against what your urge is & do the action you know you really need to do.

Looking at it as a challenge can sometimes help.....but I know that when some people are challenged, they give up & say "I can't" where some of us take a challenge & say......"I can do it even if you think I can't......I'll prove it to you".

You can do it & having good encouragement can really help. Maybe you can get your T to be more of an encouragement if you approach her with that concept rather than the tough love approach, it might be better as she will know that you are really wanting to try rather than to fight against it.