[RedDot]

Hello everyone. I am attempting to discover the root cause of my binge eating in an effort to stop my reckless compulsion. First comes the truth... I do this intentionally. I follow a high calorie diet, (3500+) fully aware of what I am doing. I enjoy every bite, and I avoid exercise until I've packed on a substantial amount of weight. When I feel I've reached my breaking point or people around me start to comment, I then cut my calories in half, start working out, and lose a bunch of weight. I do it for the attention... I like it when people make a fuss about how much weight I have lost. I'm in my mid 40's now and this behavior is more dangerous now than it's ever been.

I have a history of seeking attention. My school years weren't particularly pleasant, and I guess I spent the majority of time like most people, just trying to fit in. Soon after graduation came the over-whelming urge to excel, and break away from the pack. (Might have helped my grades had that one kicked in earlier) I became very competitive in everything and I've always tried to put myself out there. As I matured the need to settle down with a full time job and a family has moved me away from that. Whatever void the wild-child behavior was filling before is now filled with high calorie food and drink, then an intense round of diet and exercise. Accolades will be freely accepted and criticism will be used as a spring board to gain me even more accolades through lies and manipulation. For instance, if someone should question as to why I got this way even though I have the knowledge and ability to do otherwise, I will spin some tall tale about some horrific injury or disease that has side-lined me and led me into the deep pit of compulsive eating. The truth is, the only thing I am really feeding is my hungry ego, and by spouting off that line of B.S people will see my sudden recovery as miraculous.


My thought was to just do as I have done here. Come clean and put it all out there so people know my game. Maybe that will somehow stop the reward side of my compulsive behavior, and perhaps I can finally move on to a more meaningful endeavor. Then again, maybe that's just my latest illness/recovery scheme.

[Crazy Hitch]

(((RedDot)))



Congratulations.

I really wanted to let you know how much I admire your honesty.

This is honestly a very positive step towards change.

We can not change what we do not acknowledge.

And you acknowledge.

Which is great.

It is part of your recovery process.

The next is to work out what caused this behaviour in order to work through these issues causing you these emotions.

Take it easy.

And thank you for letting us know.

[Stronger]

Hey RedDot,
Welcome to PC
We hope you find what you need here!

Good job for opening up about this. The first step towards change is awareness.
Of all the friends I have know that do actions to purely seek attention, there are a few steps that they have all had to take in order to see the world and all the other people in it. First, admit that you are self absorbed. Check. That's not always easy, but you're on the right track. Next, the habit breaking. You've probably broken a habit before, and know that it sucks at first but it gets easier, and it's worth it. Your habit is your way of thinking that you seem to be stuck in about this.

One way to help you break the chains of thought could be to realize that your eyes are pointing towards the outside for a reason. If our eyes were pointing inside looking at ourselves, then we would live a very dark and pointless world where we'd be stumbling around all the time. There is no better way to lift yourself up than to lift up someone else.

And dear, I know that you know how vehemently unhealthy that is for your body, but now that you are realizing that the effects are so much more consequential, this could be a good time to start the change. Maybe it's time to forgive your body and treat it the way it has been begging you to treat it all along?

Good luck on this journey, my friend. We are here with you through it.

[pinkflower17]

Originally Posted by RedDot

Hello everyone. I am attempting to discover the root cause of my binge eating in an effort to stop my reckless compulsion. First comes the truth... I do this intentionally. I follow a high calorie diet, (3500+) fully aware of what I am doing. I enjoy every bite, and I avoid exercise until I've packed on a substantial amount of weight. When I feel I've reached my breaking point or people around me start to comment, I then cut my calories in half, start working out, and lose a bunch of weight. I do it for the attention... I like it when people make a fuss about how much weight I have lost. I'm in my mid 40's now and this behavior is more dangerous now than it's ever been.

I have a history of seeking attention. My school years weren't particularly pleasant, and I guess I spent the majority of time like most people, just trying to fit in. Soon after graduation came the over-whelming urge to excel, and break away from the pack. (Might have helped my grades had that one kicked in earlier) I became very competitive in everything and I've always tried to put myself out there. As I matured the need to settle down with a full time job and a family has moved me away from that. Whatever void the wild-child behavior was filling before is now filled with high calorie food and drink, then an intense round of diet and exercise. Accolades will be freely accepted and criticism will be used as a spring board to gain me even more accolades through lies and manipulation. For instance, if someone should question as to why I got this way even though I have the knowledge and ability to do otherwise, I will spin some tall tale about some horrific injury or disease that has side-lined me and led me into the deep pit of compulsive eating. The truth is, the only thing I am really feeding is my hungry ego, and by spouting off that line of B.S people will see my sudden recovery as miraculous.


My thought was to just do as I have done here. Come clean and put it all out there so people know my game. Maybe that will somehow stop the reward side of my compulsive behavior, and perhaps I can finally move on to a more meaningful endeavor. Then again, maybe that's just my latest illness/recovery scheme.

It sounds like you know what you're doing and why. I think your honesty is a great first step towards recovery. It sounds like you know what you need to do to maintain a less dysfunctional relationship with food, you just need to actually do it. What are you looking for? People to help you be accountable to? Again, it sounds like you already know what the problem is....

[RedDot]

Thanks everyone! I opened up about this to my wife over the weekend too... She wasn't surprised in the least. lol. I feel different now, without a guilty secret. It's certainly not a magic bullet that kept me from over-eating this weekend, but I am not as angry at myself now. What I am searching for it the origin of this need. What is it that causes this need and compels me to over-do everything. I have been going over this in my head for weeks now and haven't gotten anywhere.