[cav]

I am a 28 year old female who is desperate for some help. I have tried OA, I am currently getting Acupuncture treatments, and still I binge and then go to the gym for hours and hours the next day, or vomit immediately afterwards. I have been doing so good the past 10 days, and just now I blew it. Totally blew it. I had 3 bowls of sugar-free ice cream, then figured I had already screwed up so I ate a bag of chocolate-covered Espresso beans...oh, and raisins and walnuts. Lots of them. My only victory right now is that I didn't throw up. The last time I did I had an awful awful lifelike nightmare about bus being in my mouth, and that nightmare has helped me not vomit for over 2 weeks. But the guilt never leaves. It doesn't matter if I eat perfect all week long, and then totally screw up like I did today. It's just such a loss of control. While I was eating the icecream I felt like a crazy person....like I couldn't stop no matter what. I know that in fact I am a size 6 and should be grateful, but when I look in the mirror I see every ounce of fat and it sickens me. Like I said, I went to a couple of OA meetings, but I didn't relate to anyone there. Can anyone here relate to me?? I don't want to be like this anymore. I really really don't.