poor body image

I'm so torn. Last summer, I got to spend the entire season in residential treatment for my eating disorder. I haven't done any ED behaviors or cut in over six months. But I've gained weight. While I'm technically normal weight (BMI is at the cusp of being overweight), I think I am fat, and I cannot seem to wrap my mind around my new weight. I hate it so much I'm thinking about going back to ED to lose it. I probably won't though, so now I just feel hopeless about my weight. I feel like I am doomed to hate my body for the rest of my life. I won't have sex with anybody because I hate my body which obviously ruins my relationships.

I don't know how to explain it. I worked super hard to be where I am (life without ED). I am for the most part much happier. But my weight bugs me to no end. I cannot escape.

Well some people report lowering their stress levels by talking about their ED with a therapist and dietary tech to treat from two angles.

The problem in the current world is that we have heroes like models and movie stars that are totally underweight. When we compare ourselves to them, we are bound to fall short. They are not doing the healthy thing IMO. Bulging bones is not beauty.

Relationships are more deeply involved than having a beautiful body. Having a big heart that is compassionate and empathetic goes way farther than having a beautiful body. If someone only wants a person with a perfect bod, how deep a relationship would that be?

The temptation will be there for some time probably over the next few months

Please resist the urge; it's a hard one; but you've made it this far over 6 months of hard work that I honestly believe that it is worth your while continuing not doing this.

Hang in there!