not sure if this is triggering or not but i put an icon on anyway.

i have been starving myself for a while now and lately i have been exercising more as well i have this app on my phone that counts how many steps you take and tells you how many calories you have burned and if feel the need to get to a certain number or i get very depressed and annoyed at myself also every time i eat i feel very ashamed and have the urge to make myself throw up. i think about food a lot and it is now interfering with my ability to study as i am feeling the need to pick exercise over over school work i have not been diagnosed with an eating disorder but i am seeing a psychologist for other reasons i am not thin either and i feel like if i tell him i will just be complaining about nothing but i really am not sure what to do.

[waggiedog]

Dear dear Eden. First I'd like to offer you a big, Warm WELCOME to Psych Central and the huge support and love you will find here, without a doubt. First of all I can assure you you are NOT at all alone regarding your issues. I suffer from most of the named challenges you face, BPD (gosh isn't that enough on its own!), GAD, insomnia, severe eating disorders (all of them), atypical anorexia, meaning I display every symptom and coping methods of full blown anorexia but am not quite in the considered dangerously underweight stage. Bulimia and all its nasty effects and sometimes binge disorder. I exercise but have to limit it or I'll become OCD about it. Even though you are very hesitant about sharing everything with your psych theripist, I'd urge you to re~consider. Take your time and maybe write down your worst worries. The thing is, all this is starting to infringe on your education and it's important to continue studies. Yes, easy for me to say, but truely hunny, I really DO UNDERSTAND. You can always share with one of us in this eating disorder community, by private message if you choose. Take care and please stay safe. HUGS. xxx

Thank you i will try writing them down i just feel like i am mocking people with actual eating disorders like i am faking everything and also i am worried that they might tell me to stop doing all of this i couldnt resist exercising again tonight and i feel like i havent done enough and like i have eaten way to much even though i guess i havent really but it is just weird because i am used to binge eating almost constantly and ugh i just feel like a fake like maybe i am just being dramatic.