[breakmystride]

Okay, maybe I'm being paranoid, but sometimes I feel like my roommate is deliberate trying to trigger me to relapse. She knows that I was at an anorexic weight a year and a half ago, she knows that I still struggle with body image issues, and it's pretty obvious that I've lost a lot of weight in the last couple months (my BMI has dropped back into the underweight category). But she is constantly telling me that I'm 'not allowed' to eat certain foods (even though she eats them herself) because they're unhealthy, sometimes even throwing away food I bought so I can't eat it, she tells me that I should work out more (I already go to the gym daily), and when I told her my Mom was worried about my weight, she told me that I should ignore her because I'm not really skinny.

I've had other issues with her being inconsiderate and controlling before, but right now I'm getting the feeling like she actually wants me to be sick, like she's getting fun out of watching me lose weight. I've been trying for months to move out so I can cut her out of my life, but I haven't been able to afford it. How can I address this without looking totally crazy?

[Bill3]

Suggestions. What if you discuss it with her, e.g.:

If the foods are so unhealthy, why do you yourself eat them?
Please don't throw away my food. (and ask her to pay you back for the discarded food!)
What makes you think I should work out more?
You think I should ignore my mom. What is your idea of skinny?

[breakmystride]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Suggestions. What if you discuss it with her, e.g.:

If the foods are so unhealthy, why do you yourself eat them?
Please don't throw away my food. (and ask her to pay you back for the discarded food!)
What makes you think I should work out more?
You think I should ignore my mom. What is your idea of skinny?

She gets mad easily and I'm really non-confrontational, so that would be really tricky. I should also mention that she is overweight and quick to assume people are judging her for it, and she yo-yo diets sometimes. So I do feel like I need to be careful what I say to her.

I did ask her once not to throw away food I'd bought, and she said she would stop, but she hasn't.

[Bill3]

You could try something like this, a general reply:

Please don't give me advice about eating or exercise.

And also remind her again about not throwing away the food. You did that before--good job! --and it sounds like she was able to handle it.

[waggiedog]

Ah ha, I think you've hit the nail on the head in one sentence ~ your co~habitat is somewhat chubby herself AND is prone to yo yo dieting!!! That's probably the answer, she's suffering from insequirity and control issues. 'Tis YOU who's a threat to her, or that's the way she feels, thus she puts you down at any given opportunity. I honestly don't think she can help herself and I'm not "sticking up" for her in any way, just trying to shed some light on things. I know it's very difficult to simply move out when there are money issues, it would be better to stay and find some common ground. PLEASE try to ignore her, agree with her and then just continue to do your own thing. The most important thing here is that YOU stay well, even though you've lost some weight, just try not to loose anymore hunny. You can always come here for support, I for one absolutely WILL support you, as will any
Community liaison team member. I have huge issues with foods and eating, or I should say not eating, HUGS, xxxx

[breakmystride]

^Thanks Waggiedog, you're amazingly supportive and it really helps to know you're always there. I think you're probably right about her.

I guess my best move is to wait until the next time she says something and then ask her to clarify.

I guess one of the things that I'm worried about is that I really should be on some kind of dietitian-made meal plans right now, but if I were to go to a dietitian to get a plan made, my roommate would literally not let me follow it because she'd want to add her own rules.

[Bill3]

my roommate would literally not let me follow it because she'd want to add her own rules.

What would prevent you from ignoring her rules?

[breakmystride]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What would prevent you from ignoring her rules?

Like I said, she's very controlling. She makes all the rules in the house. I mean, I literally have to get permission to use the bathroom because we only have one bathroom in the house.

[Bill3]

she's very controlling. She makes all the rules in the house. I mean, I literally have to get permission to use the bathroom

Are you working with a T? This sounds like good material to work on with a T.

[waggiedog]

Hi again breakmystride. Grrrrrrr, it sounds as though this girl is a total control freak, boy don't you just find them everywhere! They can spot a mild mannered person from fifty yards and home in on them. They do this to make themselves feel high and mighty and the longer it goes on the worse they get, in a way it's like she's obsessed with you! You're in a destructive environment but I do understand there's nothing you can do to change that for now. Could you try just appearing to agree with her, but then going on to do your own thing. If there's only one fridge in the abode, this might be more difficult than it sounds. Do let us know how you're doing, we're here to support you in any way we can. HUGS and LOVE, as ever. Xxxx

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry you're having to "cope" with a control freak. Grrrrrrrrr!

Peace to you

[breakmystride]

I'm not in therapy right now, except an appointment every 3 months to get my meds re-prescribed.

Things have been a bit better the last few days. Although she bought an absolutely disgusting amount of junk food for herself the other day, and for some reason that always triggers me to restrict, but I know I shouldn't blame her for that, that part is my issue.

[waggiedog]

Hi there breakmystride. I still think this individual has a lot of issues of her own and it's highly possible that she feels almost threatened by you. She's obviously not happy and it could be why she buys all that junk food, she also may envy your apparent control over choices in healthier food. Of course it could be triggering to open the fridge and see all that rubbish, the trouble is is that rubbish fast food is often tempting, it's exactly what we cut out of our regimes.
Keep coming back here to share, we know how you feel in coping with all of these issues. LOVE and HUGS. Xxx

[eskielover]

I think you might consider figuring out how to lock up YOUR OWN FOOD where she has no access to it.....obviously it's NOT her home since you are paying rent also & you are JUST roommates.

You seriously NEED to learn how to stick up for yourself because it seems your only way to feel any sort of control is through your restriction of food. Just because you are non-confrontational doesn't mean you can't learn how to stick up for yourself in a non-confrontational way. ED's always have some serious underlying issues of feeling out of control in other areas of one's life.....& you could really use some therapy to learn how to handle your life better. I know for me, DBT was one of the best therapies to learn skills for handling emotions, depression, & interpersonal relationships along with mindfulness so that you are seeing what is really going on IN THE MOMENT in your life & understanding it better.

I know when my life gets totally out of control, I always fall back on controlling what I don't eat.....ED's aren't just about body image....there are ALWAYS much deeper issues going on that haven't been handled & until they are....the ED is always going to hang around to haunt.

[breakmystride]

So today I talked to her about how I've relapsed and how sometimes the things she says trigger me.

She literally just laughed at me.

Originally Posted by breakmystride

So today I talked to her about how I've relapsed and how sometimes the things she says trigger me.

She literally just laughed at me.

Your roommate is god awful.

[doyoutrustme]

She's a psycho. Can you move?

[eskielover]

Well you found out that talking to her about it is useless....as you already knew before you did....only ends up triggering you more I'm sure because of the stress it caused with her laughing at you.

Since becoming a stronger person to stand up to her will take longer & more work with a T than moving....I would strongly suggest that you put your focus on moving out of there. It will give you some sense of personal control if nothing more than for yourself & it will give you something else to focus on rather than restricting.

When we find ourselves in unhealthy living conditions that we can't change, the only other solution is to GET OUT & at this point it sounds like your only REAL option even though it may take a bit financially before it can be done at least you will have a goal to work toward.