I'm feeling SO sick of myself..! I'm supposed to be following a special diet to treat a physical illness, but I keep falling off the wagon.. Once again today, just shoved my face with a big bag of candy.. I HATE this!!

Anyway, it got me thinking.. WHY do I do this? I realised there's this rage inside of me.. I WANT to destroy myself.. I don't think I know how to be happy

There are so many things I'd like to do.. But I keep sabotaging myself. It's really sad, and I'm really tired of it. I want to learn to love myself. I want to start accepting and believing it when others love me! I guess those are the people who are mirroring my true self back to me - not the one person who once showed me I was worth less than nothing.. I have to stop believing him.

[childofchaos831]

I don't really have any advice or anything to offer... I just wanted to say... that last paragraph really resonated with me. Those words are something that we all need to hold on to. The one person that treated us horribly, they are the one that is wrong. The ones now, all of them, that are on our side, they are the ones we need to trust.

(I just wish I could believe it...)

Puck

[may24]

I'm sorry that you're struggling. I tend to sabotage myself too and sometimes I can't even tell why I'm doing it... I guess I've been being mean to myself for so long that it's become a normal thing for me. I don't know how to feel when I'm not overthinking/ worrying about something in particular and everything seems to be okay; so I feel the urge to ruin it by doing something I'll probably end up regretting.
I've been doing some progress in different areas of my life lately, and instead of feeling proud or being happy about it, I've been over eating as a way to "punish" myself beause I feel like I don't deserve to feel good.
I have a very poor self-esteem and I grew up thinking I'd never be enough for anything or anyone (I guess that's what they made me belive too as a child), but I'm trying to change that perception and start loving myself.

I think you're on the right way because you've decided you don't want to keep going like this, and you realized you're worth more than what they made you belive.
I guess it just takes time. If you've been sabotaging yourself and beliving you weren't worth it for a long time, you'll find yourself automatically having these thoughts sometimes... but you need to keep choosing not to listen to them.
It's a process. Don't beat yourself up if you give in to the negative thoughts sometimes, and focus on doing it better the next time.
I'm struggling with the same thing at the moment, but I'm choosing to fight it back too. You can do this.
❤️.

[Sarmas]

Dieting is not as easy as it seems. For something that we do on a daily basis it can become so complicated to some of us. Then there are those of us that eating patterns change depending on how we feel. What's your physical illness of you don't mind me asking? I guess the best thing you could do is try to stick to the diet as much as possible and if you "cheat" then just continue on your path. Don't pay mind to what you have done and just get back on that path. Ultimately it's not the one or two food items that will cause a downfall. Its not easy to make those changes and change habits that we have used over years. Don't beat yourself up for having a tough time or having a few items that you're unable to have. Do you see a nutritionist? A nutritionist might be able to help with cravings and might be able to see where it is that your struggling and offer other options to make your diet more tolerable. Hope this helps.

[Sarmas]

Also I just learned today about something that might be helpful in your case. I'm supposed to be on a diet as well and Ive been struggling as well. Sometimes I have what I'm suppose to and other times I don't. I know it's wrong and I try to forget it. I was told to download an app that actually keeps track of what I eat. I have someone looking at my app and seeing where I'm going wrong. Now my mindset is that I have to follow my diet well since now I get to see it in writing. I hate writing down what I eat. I can't put down an ounce of potato chips so that's not happening any more.