[KatyQ3]

Hi,

I have some questions - if there is anyone out there to answer this, I would be very grateful.

First of all, a little history of myself. Looking back, it seems as if i have always had an e.d. Probably was pretty anorexic for around 5 years and then left for college last year. no one really asked me about an ed because i always ate something when i was around people, just never ate any other time.

At college, an e.d. - anorexia- seemed impossible to hide. I was always eating with people and the people began to notice that i didn't eat anything. So then my friends had a 'come to Jesus" talk with me about eating.

I then began to eat, yet was absolutely scared to be the fat kid coming home from college. After eating a so-called normal meal, I was terrified. I felt as if i was going to gain 25 pounds. So i went to the toilet and puked.

And this is how the next 9 months went. I would puke four or five times each day. My throat killed and I gained weight like crazy. I went from 130 to 170. yes i am 5'10".

Would I rather be bulimic or anorexic? anorexic definitely. bulimia is horible. I couldn't sleep, i was hungry all the time, my face and body were extremely bloated and i was addicted to puking. it gave me such a release.

I knew i had to change my ways, so spent the summer working to get better. I am pretty shy and uncomfortable about talking about my problems, so I did this on my own.

I am proud to say that I haven't puked now in about two months. The beginning was as hard as hell, but it honestly hasn't gotten too mucch easier.

Now, for my questions.

-From bulimia and puking, I feel that my face is still really bloated looking. does this ever go away?

-Whatever I do I can't lose all the weight I gained while bulimic. Yes, however unhealthy it was, I would work out this summer for like three hours a day (cardio) and I still haven't lost any weight.
suggestions??

-Everytime I eat something I wouldn't have eaten before, i look for the bathroom and want to puke. but i haven't. do these urges ever go away?

-I was out to eat with my friends once at this unhealthy restaurant where everything is fried. my food came, and i just started crying. will I ever be able to eat normally again?

-I haven't got my period in like three years. I thought that when I gained weight, i would come back. What is going on?

What permanent damage do you think i have done?

Gosh, thanks much for reading this and any answers to my questions or suggestions would be great.

thanks again,

KatyQ3

[ickydog2006]

Well, I can't answer all your questions, but some I might be able to help with.
It's been 5 years since I've been seriously bulimic (puking regularly due to eating issues). It gets easier to resist but so far the feeling hasn't completely gone away. I still pay attention to where all the bathrooms are and I still want to puke after a big or unhealthy meal. Also I was anorexic before that, and I know what you mean about feeling better anorexic than when you are bulimic. I gained a lot of weight while I was bulimic. I did manage to lose the weight through diet and exercise (1000-1200 calories a day is what I ate) so there is hope of losing the weight but it is really challenging to diet without going back to an ED. I still can't trust myself when I look in the mirror. I'm a size 4 to 6 and I still look in the mirror and all I see is fat, even if people say I'm thin. I try to remind myself that I can't trust my brain and rely on others and the numbers on the scale (although numbers on the scale don't measure health it's closer to healthy than my opinion.)
My face has always been slightly chubby, so I really don't know if your face changes from this. Also, I have always had my period and if you use to and still haven't you might want to see a doctor about that (just my advice).

I hope that helps some. I quit mostly on my own too, I had a counselor but I never talked about it with them until I had started healing on my own.

It's really good that you know you have a problem and are trying to fix it. I'm proud of you.

I wish you the best of luck. Know that you can always come on here and talk and share and get advice.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

[Direction]

I don't know that I can answer all...but some things I think I know

Bulimia...tends to make once checks get puffy...it was one of the ways I could tell that my former spouse was throwing up...not to make light of it..one book she was reading I read and the person who told the story called them chipmunk checks...I'm not a doctor but I think that does go away...

You probably should get a physical so you know what damage has been done...not having a period for that long should be discussed...

As you learned bulimia does little to loose weight...you actually gain...so for all those reading this that think it helps you take off the pounds...there are two people here who would say the opposite...

Welcome to PC...I'm glad you had the strength to post...it really is a big step...

[greymatter]

Hi Katy,

I also was anorexic and then became bulimic (but am still trying to recover). It's horrible going from one extreme to the next like that. I feel like such a creep cause I miss being anorexic sometimes.

The swelling your face should get better. If you go to the doctor they can tell you if you're glands are still swollen. And about losing weight, be very careful. That was how I slipped back into my eating disorder after doing well for awhile. It does seem strange with all your exercise that your weight hasn't budged. All I can think of is that your metabolism is pretty screwed up at this point. You definitely should see a doctor about your period too. Three years is a very long time to go without it. They should do bloodwork too to make sure your electrolytes and everything have stablized after all the purging.
Things do get better with the food too. It just takes time and patience with yourself to get used to new foods and being comfortable. It sounds like you're doing a really good job with it. Congratulations, stopping the purging like that is really difficult. Good luck with everything and I hope you stay healthy!

Rachel

[Metope]

I've been bulimic for about four years and I used to wish I was anorexic. But it's the different side of the same coin. Wishing for another ED than the one you have can be hurtful to your self healing. No ED is a good ED.

The bloating should go away after awhile. Bulimia really screws up your hormones and the swelling is a side affect. It takes awhile for all this stuff to go back to normal.

I've gained weight while being bulimic (the irony of all ironies) and I think the trick to getting the weight off is not just exercising but speeding up your metabolism (everyone's different).

At least for me, urges have never gone completely away, and I don't think I'll ever be able to just eat "normally." I think we just don't view food the way people without an eating disorder do, so the way we percieve eating is different. I've had to accept that I just don't see a cupcake or a steak the way my friends and family do.

I don't know if any of this helps or not, but I do want to say I am absolutely amazed by you going abstinent for two months. That is awesome and takes an incredible amount of will power. You might never know exactly how much damage you have done to your body but its amazing the capacity our bodies have to heal. I'm glad you're healing.

[sweetheart]

Hey I survived anorexia and I know how you feel. I'll answer the questions the best way I can.

-From bulimia and puking, I feel that my face is still really bloated looking. does this ever go away? I feel like that too. I think it's just some weight that went to our face. I don't know how to get it to go away, but let meknow if you do find out!

-Whatever I do I can't lose all the weight I gained while bulimic. Yes, however unhealthy it was, I would work out this summer for like three hours a day (cardio) and I still haven't lost any weight.
suggestions?? You have to diet as well as work out. Calories in have to be less than calories out... and it might not be noticeable at first, it might take a while.

-Everytime I eat something I wouldn't have eaten before, i look for the bathroom and want to puke. but i haven't. do these urges ever go away? YES. You have to force your mind to think about something else after eating. Focus on something besides the food. Focus on the conversation.

-I was out to eat with my friends once at this unhealthy restaurant where everything is fried. my food came, and i just started crying. will I ever be able to eat normally again? Again... YES!! I had that exact experience with a fried fish once. (Except I was with my parents)

-I haven't got my period in like three years. I thought that when I gained weight, i would come back. What is going on? ...I don't know. My period came back after I gained weight. And I think it helps to eat meat. (Personal experience) I hope you didn't damage things too badly in there. Better get checked.

What permanent damage do you think i have done? Depends how long this has been going on. Nothing too serious I don't htink, but you'd better get tested about the period. I had a blood test done and they found my hormone levels to be menopausal (I was only 20!). Get yourself checked!

Hope this helps