[Purple,Violet,Blue]

You won't believe me when I say this - as ED's are such a horrible combination of addiction (to the high you get from binge eating), phobia (of fat) and delusion (you really can't see that you look fine) - but you can get over this.

If I could, anyone can.

I just wanted to tell you that, as I wouldn't have believed it was possible to gain even one pound in weight without freaking out.

Now, I swear this is true... I can eat anything I like.

I'm thinking of you all and cheering you on.

[bellezza]

Thats what I needed today, I cried myself to sleep today again because I felt I could never get through it but people like you motivate me to get better ! Thanks !

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I'm so sorry you're suffering. I'm a good listener, if you feel like talking about your experiences. There isn't anything you could say that would shock me.

I was anorexic for many years (it's like a living death). Then bulimic (not so deathly, but really awful to be in the grip of that compulsion. It got so I was scared to be alone, because I knew what I'd do to myself. And I would do it, over and over and over).

I saw some good therapists, but it didn't help for a long time. Their goal was to get me to gain weight, and there was no way I was going to let that happen.

Then I had a short course of inner child CBT.

It worked!

It was the simplest thing, nothing special and I didn't hold out any hopes (the first session, I was encouraged to 'draw my feelings' using nothing but coloured crayons. I thought... no... this woman's an idiot... I'm not going back).

Probably, different things 'click' for different people.

This worked for me.

My disordered behaviour carried on (I'm afraid I lied to the therapist, and told her I'd stopped) but something had started ticking over in my mind.

A vague idea... an unfamiliar sensation... a feeling that I might no longer be enjoying hurting myself (it's not 'enjoyment', but you know what I mean)... A feeling that I WAS that six year old girl the therapist had conjured into being... A feeling that I might see how sweet she was, and want to treat her in a tender way...

That's, let's see, eight years ago, nine? I had a few slip-backs at the beginning, but now I honestly will never, ever go back to that Hell.

I hope this helps a little. Have you been able to tell anyone about your problem yet?

If you don't feel like replying, that's fine, and I will carry on sending you love and wishing you the very best.

[bellezza]

Thanks a lot for answering!
I am binge eating and I feel like I get more numb and numb everyday.

But I almost did everything just to get skinny.
I starved myself and ate just up to 300 calories a day, then I started a 'healthy' fitness journey but in reality I just restricted myself what finally led to my binge eating disorder where I get these 'eating attacks' and eat like 1000 calories in 20 minutes until I feel like crap.
And now I am gaining more and more weight and feel miserable in my body.
I feel like I cannot enjoy life like before. I hate the topic food. I just want to view food just as food.. not as proteins, carbs, fat or good food and bad food.

No I did not tell anyone about my problem. I just can't do it. I feel so weak and I know that my family and friends won't understand that this topic really destroyed my mental health. They wouldn't take it that seriously. And I am an introvert in general so I hate talking about my feelings or issues I am dealing with.

Thats why I came to psych central because I know that there are nice people like you who would understand me. And I feel so much better when I read stories about random people that really overcame these kind of disorders.

I am so thankful that you replied and I really smiled when I read your message, it felt like a warm hug !
That inner child CBT sounds really interesting, maybe it could help me too. I will inform myself about it.

Sending you lots of love and the best for your future. You can really be proud of yourself for achieving everything that you have accomplished ! Stay as strong as you are.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Good to hear from you, belleza. I hope you're having a good day rather than a bad day, and that coming here has made you feel less alone.

It's not an easy thing to talk about. I was always very secretive, so I really understand.

I was, eventually, able to tell a doctor that I had a compulsion I couldn't control. Every word you say to them is completely confidential. Same for any therapist.

Do you still feel a long way from being able to tell a doctor?

[bellezza]

Thanks for 'listening'
I hope you feel good today.
Yes, I still do feel a long way from being able to tell a doctor, although I should.
I am the type of person that always wants to solve my problems by myself without any help.
But maybe I will seek different options soon ...

Have a good evening !

Originally Posted by bellezza

Thanks for 'listening'
I hope you feel good today.
Yes, I still do feel a long way from being able to tell a doctor, although I should.
I am the type of person that always wants to solve my problems by myself without any help.
But maybe I will seek different options soon ...

Have a good evening !

I can be like that

as part of another website i'm on, they ask you to list your hobbies/ interests

"solving my own problems", is listed in my profile

[Fuzzybear]

“Not trusting doctors” is one of my occupations, when I’m not hibernating