Maybe Not an ED... Just Food Issues

Okay, so I'm a fifteen-year-old girl. 5'3 1/2", 130 lbs.

Sixth grade, I started gaining weight. My self-image was absolutely terrible. I wore an oversized hoodie every day and eventually couldn't stand to take it off because I simply couldn't bear to look at my bulging stomach.
At my highest, I was 5'2 1/2", 140 lbs.

Last year, from eighth to ninth grade, I decided to lose weight. I gained control of my eating habits and exercised daily.
At my lowest, I was 5'3 1/2", 122 lbs.

Of course, I can't accredit ALL of that success to hard work and self-control. I've struggled with depression since I was very young, and halfway through last year, when I was having a hard time, I was put on Zoloft, which sent me on a downward spiral.
At first it was pretty good. My periods were regular and not as taxing, it regulated my sleep, and best of all, I could be more lieniant in what I ate and I didn't gain weight.
Then it got me even more depressed and eventually suicidal. Needless to say, I had to get off the meds immediately.

Nowadays, it seems like no matter what I do, I can't continue to lose weight. I watch what I eat very carefully, but I simply can't eat like everyone else does. I've restricted my intake as much as possible (still eating balanced, nutritious meals three times a day), but if I just so happen to eat a cup of ice cream two days in a row, I'll gain weight.
I begin to wonder if it's a stress issue. The way my body is shaped, I'm very muscular except through the middle (I have well-developed triceps and I don't work my arms at all).

More importantly I'm afraid that I may develop an eating disorder. Whenever I eat, I'm very aware of the calories, fat, and nutrition of everything. No matter what I'm eating, as soon as I feel satisfied, I'm suddenly very conscious of my stomach, which still is and has always been flabby and jiggly. So I guess I feel kind of on the edge.

I don't like to feel this way about food, but it's been this way for such a long time that I don't know how to deal with it anymore.

You're stomach may not be a weight issue, it may just be the place your body stores its fat. Even when I was nice and skinny I always had a giggly pot on my tummy. If you are worried you will get obsessed with your weight, talk to your doctor about how to maintain it in a healthy way. Also, remember, you are 15 - your body is changing drastically. Your weight and shape last year was probably very different than it is this year and it will be different again next year. As long as your doctor feels your weight is safe for your size, you need to focus on that and not your shape. I know that is hard in your teen years... it wasn't long ago I was a teen. The social pressures to look a certain way are very difficult. But health is key. You need a certain amount of body fat in order to develop properly. Ever see those female athletes who have so little body fat that they are shaped like little boys? You don't want that! It is possible that fat will move to other places as you grow. Best of luck!

Your body is still changing. When I was your age I weighed 127 (5'6") and that continued until I was 26ish. But, my whole distribution changed around; I had a large butt :-) and that got less and my waist got to 24 inch and all my sizes of clothes changed but my weight did not.

Work on thinking about something else to concentrate on for awhile; grades or friends or something? You know how to eat healthily so let yourself take care of that "unconsciously" and just eat as if it is a "chore" and concentrate on something else. My best friend at your age was a "jock" and she "made" me play hockey, etc. if I wanted to see her LOL. When I'd call her at home she was always in the shower (because she was always sweaty from playing some sport :-) I went to hockey camp in the summer (and I was a pretty crummy player and HATED running up and down fields) and had to buy full shinguards because she was so good I was getting bruised up. Figure out some other place to put your awareness!

Don't worry. Your weight is fine.

At 130lb, and even at 122lb, your weight is fine - neither too low nor too high.

You say you're aware of calories so I will tell you that you're supposed to 2,100 calories a day for somebody your age (and more if you're exercising). Are you eating anything like that? Because eating too little can also stop weight loss as the body slows down its metabolism to save energy.

You say you gain weight from eating ice cream. Is this a temporary weight gain (1-2 days later) or a more permanent one? Fats take longer to digest, but if you are restricting your intake a lot it is also possible that your body is taking the foods you eat and converting them straight to fat.

You say your problem spot is your stomach, perhaps you could start doing crunches or something to tighten the muscles there?

It also might be worth having an appointment with your dr and being reassured about your weight. He could also give you tips on healthy eating, too, for somebody your age.

Thanks for the support, everyone.

And thanks for the more methodical suggestions, silver queen. That's usually how I like to view things, myself.

To answer your questions, I can't say I restrict my caloric intake, but I do go for foods that have less calories, particularly from fat. It may seem strange: although I am very concerned about my weight, I never "count" calories. If I had to, though, I'd approximate that I eat between 1,000 and 1,200 calories in a typical day. This varies depending on if I go out to eat, or if I'm at a friend's house (to teenage boys, Bagel Bites and Kool-Aid is a meal).

About the ice cream, at first it seemed to be a temporary weight gain, but lately I can't pass it off as temporary because it doesn't seem to go away! Anyway, I guess my best bet is to stop eating junk altogether. I don't mind, really. My favorite snack is a Chewy brand granola bar. If I need something sweet, I'll usually eat a few marshmallows.

I've tried crunches, sit-ups, the like. But I've read in more than one heath-and-fitness magazine that spot-reduction doesn't work. I recommended crunches to a friend who was worried about her flab, since she's skinny, and supposedly the only thing crunches can do is tone the muscle. When I was doing crunches daily, I noticed that my upper "abs" began to stick out a little farther, but I didn't see any reduction in the fat on top of them. The lower "abs" remained the same.

My doctor approached me about my BMI when I was heavier and suggested that I try to lose weight. When I went in the last time, she told me that I looked much better and my BMI was normal.

At this point, for me, it's beyond being healthy. I want to look good for me. I'm only 15, and I want a body I can be proud of. It feels like it shouldn't be as hard as it is to get the figure I want.
I'm one of those girls that's overweight, but you don't really notice because I'm proportionate. My waist-to-hip ratio is a normal 0.7, my bra size is a 34D (hey, my dimensions are no secret with my friends), and I dress well, so people don't notice that I'm carrying some extra baggage.
It's frustrating because I know if I lost a little weight, especially from my stomach, I could be attractive. Who wouldn't want that?

What worries me about that last post is that you said if you lost a little weight you could be attractive, yet you siad you are proportionate and dress well.. and you said you are overweight after telling us that your doc said your BMI was normal. Honey, I hate to say it but you are heading in the direction of an eating disorder. Sounds like you are healthy and looking good but your self image is focused on your belly fat... you sound like my mom did for a long time until she got some help. We all have our own figure, and this can feel unfortunite because it is not the figure we see as attractive. This may sound like a "duh" question, but what shape exactly do you see as "attractive"? Where are you getting negative feedback from? Is it strictly from inside you or are others making comments? And why is this image of being "attractive" so important to you? These are not questions you need to answer me, but they are things you need to think about in depth to yourself. On the surface their answers are obvious, but deep down they are actually quite complicated. I'm wondering if you have what my doc calls "body image distortion" common in people who used to have extra weight and are now healthy but still see themselves as "fat". I went through this. I look at pictures back when I was in high school and am amazed at my slender, hour-glass shape with my toned arms and clear skin... I thought I was fat and ugly because I saw my extremely unhealthy, underweight mother calling herself fat. If I weighed more than she did I must be too. Re-read these particular statements of yours:

-When I went in the last time, she told me that I looked much better and my BMI was normal-

-My waist-to-hip ratio is a normal 0.7, my bra size is a 34D (hey, my dimensions are no secret with my friends), and I dress well-

Sounds good to me... then tell me if one of your healthy looking friends said to you:

-It's frustrating because I know if I lost a little weight, especially from my stomach, I could be attractive. Who wouldn't want that?-

...what would you say to her? Would you tell her "yeah, you aren't attractive now but if your belly were a little smaller you could be"? No, you never would so you need to learn to stop saying these things to yourself. My fear for you is that even if you do lose that belly fat, it wont be enough... something else will begin to bug you. My mom was so dangerously underweight, but the little tiny bit of fat she had was on her stomach... all her bones showed but her little tummy pot was what she obsessed on. She turned bulimic and though she has since gotten help and turned it around, she has permanent health issues because of it. Get some help before your "issues" become a "disorder".

Ugh. I understand how I might have body image issues. Yes, I know it's complicated. And I tend to make it that way.

When I'm with my friends, I give off a confident air. Maybe even arrogant. Naturally, they assume I don't have any problems with my body. So they literally "play" with my stomach fat. They think it's fun and entertaining. They like to poke it, watch me stick it out and suck it in again...
One time, my friend called out to his other friend, "Look at this! She's fat!"
It helped a little to hear this other boy (a very attractive high school senior, I might add) say, "She looks skinny to me."
"Oh, you'd be surprised."

Now obviously my friends don't mean to hurt me like that. If anything, they pose it as a compliment. They wish they had a stomach like mine.

Why it bothers me is a totally different issue. I'm not a teeny-bopper. I'm not the kind that reads magazines about how to lose five pounds before prom. I'm not even into boys or dating yet. I've got no one to impress but myself. It feels like, god, I'm so close to the person I want to be. But the outer shell does not reflect that.
Or maybe it does... No one really suspects I have this issue.
But regardless, I feel like I should lose some more weight before I'm content.

First off, you may be right that your friends are just kidding around and don't mean any harm, but it could also be a bit of jealousy on their part. Real, understanding friends will stop if you tell them that it makes you a little uncomfortable that they pick on something you consider a flaw. If they continue they are not the positive people you should be around, although I know old habits die hard and it is hard to find new friends, if they are so shallow that they wont understand that it hurts your feelings, they are not good for your self esteem. Talk to your doc about your weight and body image and point out specifically the problem area. She may have some advice! Also, don't forget, you are a teenager and your body is doing weird things right now. Seriously, in a year that tummy flab might go away and you'll find a bigger set of breasts, or your hips may spread wider and your waste will look smaller. I tell you, from 9 years old (when I started developing and needed my first bra - talk about getting teased!) to my early 20s I could never tell from year to year where my body would change! Even if you hit menses (first period) years ago, you are still in puberty and have a long way to go with it! The hardest thing, but the best thing, is to find one or two features about yourself you really like and draw attention to them! Despite body changes I've always had stunning eyes and a great smile (never even needed braces or whiteners). I used makeup (nothing extreem, just flattering) to draw attention away from what I thought were my flaws (I also thought I had belly fat that I felt was so obvious) and to what I felt were my best assets!!! Look closely and you will find the beauty in you! And do what's best for your body, not whats best for your looks, because if you lose more weight than you should, but your body likes to store it's fat in your belly, you might find things shrinking instead that you really don't want to have shrink... if you know what I mean!