[LucyD]

Terrible pain in my shoulder. Used a tens device on it and it helped for 1 day and now it's back. I guess I just need a new body!

Barf..
Junk food is now banned from my body.
.
.
.
Here's a picture from a few weeks ago in hospital.. it's blurry...sorry but I feel this is a powerful message.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by megabytesteve

Barf..
Junk food is now banned from my body.
.
.
.
Here's a picture from a few weeks ago in hospital.. it's blurry...sorry but I feel this is a powerful message.

Welcome!

[LucyD]

Up late as usual. Can't wait for a situation to change in my life and it should this month. It will take a whole lot of stress off of me. Can't wait!

Dammit. I ate a whole large pizza and I feel sick. I hate myself

(Feel like )

I've not had any takeouts this week which is a good thing.

still eaten quite a few biscuits, and I did (for 2 nights in a row), eat the same meal (chicken)

[shovelhead]

It freaks me out how scale shoots up cuz I drank a pot of coffee. Yesterday I ate a bowl of oatmeal. That always causes me extra food weight, showing on scale. Cuz I just want to know my true weight, wtf. Like I feel like I gained and should go low calorie today.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by shovelhead

It freaks me out how scale shoots up cuz I drank a pot of coffee. Yesterday I ate a bowl of oatmeal. That always causes me extra food weight, showing on scale. Cuz I just want to know my true weight, wtf. Like I feel like I gained and should go low calorie today.

The scale drives me crazy. A lot of my smaller clothes fit me now so I'm glad. Coffee makes your weight go up...wow..I hate the scale. I have a love/hate relationship with it..lol

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by LucyD

The scale drives me crazy. A lot of my smaller clothes fit me now so I'm glad. Coffee makes your weight go up...wow..I hate the scale. I have a love/hate relationship with it..lol

Thanks do much. Yeah I pound coffee non-stop then I'm dehydrated & don't drink enough water. The bowl of oatmeal in my tummy is weighing me down. It's heavy food for me! Sometimes oatmeal will put me right to sleep.

[Blueberrybook]

I hate scales, wish they'd never been invented. But when my old scale stopped working (it was digital), I went and bought a new one...sigh. Mad at the scale right now because I have PMS, that always causes my weight to go up a bit.

I just want to stay at this one specific number, so unrealistic. I know I really need to gain weight to be healthy, but I don't want to. I'm not so low a weight people just instantly think ED unless I'm wearing something that shows my chest, my spine (bones, which the ED likes...sigh). Found another pair of my smaller jeans I didn't get rid of and am glad of that because I only had one other pair that wasn't awfully loose and falling down.

I now weigh within 10 lb. of my 10 (soon to be 11 next month) year old daughter. She is tall for her age (over 5 ft now), and not overweight, can wear some of my clothes, doesn't like a lot of my pants because I like my clothes fitted and she does not like fitted clothes. She wore a pair of my capri pants for a recent dance performance at school.

Last week, one day, my daughter asked my husband (while I was sitting with them) why I am so small. Ugh. I've tried to explain to her about eating disorders, and while I I feel she definitely does not want to ever be fat or teased about her weight, my being so skinny she didn't get. She was like why not just don't exercise? if the doctor says you will feel better if you weigh at least X? I didn't want to have to explain all about the effects of sexual abuse (physical & mental too and bad and even weird bad - like a near shooting - life events). Hate that she notices though.

I'm better than I was in college. Really, I'm shocked I got through that without the hospital. I came back from 80 lb., maybe a little less on my own, which God, I wonder how in the world I did that, in my early 20s too, so quite young. But obviously, I never did recover 100%

[Blue_Bird]

Has been awhile since I've checked in on this thread. I had some rough days. Today has been great though. I'm using mindfulness a lot. I gained some weight...not exactly happy about it but not obsessed and depressed over it either

[fallaximago]

Hi everybody. Yesterday I ate like crazy: sandwiches, croissants, biscuits, the works. I'm battling both overeating and smoking so at times I feel hopeless and a total slave to these addictions. I also need to drink more water, I used to drink lots of it every day, then at some point it just became boring. Crazy, I know. I will try to do my best today.

[Blueberrybook]

OK, I guess. I'm eating breakfast now though the ED would rather I skip it since it is already 10:30 AM. I ran this morning. Dissociated a lot in my head, not sure what's up with that. Ran farther than normal due to cloudy skies, cooler temps, and the dissociation. My app would announce a mileage, and I couldn't believe I'd gone a couple miles since the last time.

Forgot to take my morning meds until now other than Protonix. I am usually good about remembering to take them when I get up, weird I forgot.

Saw a house already decorated for Christmas. Jumping the gun a bit. I am Christian and believe in Jesus & God, but I hate the holidays and the new years resolutions to lose weight, all the weight/exercise/diet stats listed on Facebook, the fake happy Thanksgiving & Christmas holiday pics everyone puts one FB. Who is that happy all the time? I wish I had my youngest sister's willpower. She went off social media altogether years ago because she said it made her feel inadequate as a wife and mother. I totally get that. I should do that, but there are people I do like keeping up with ...ugh.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Has been awhile since I've checked in on this thread. I had some rough days. Today has been great though. I'm using mindfulness a lot. I gained some weight...not exactly happy about it but not obsessed and depressed over it either

Sorry about your struggles lately. Good for you taking the weight gain in stride. Mine is up a couple pounds, and the ED doesn't like that, but I also have PMS. Period could start any time now, and that always causes my weight to go up a bit.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by fallaximago

Hi everybody. Yesterday I ate like crazy: sandwiches, croissants, biscuits, the works. I'm battling both overeating and smoking so at times I feel hopeless and a total slave to these addictions. I also need to drink more water, I used to drink lots of it every day, then at some point it just became boring. Crazy, I know. I will try to do my best today.

I hope today goes better for you. I can't remember, do you see a therapist or not?

[shovelhead]

Thank goodness my scale went back down. I'm really hungry right now but I'm intermittent fasting for at least 2 hours more.

[fallaximago]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I hope today goes better for you. I can't remember, do you see a therapist or not?

Hi! Thanks for your reply. I see a therapist but I'm not sure it's working, it's partly my fault, though, I have such a tought time with apathy that I struggle with following suggestions. I need a change of pace.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm frustrated, I'm disgusted with my body, I feel like I would be happier if I lost the weight I gained the past couple months, but I'm actually happy now with my life aside from the disgusted feeling. Idk, it's confusing sometimes.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by fallaximago

Hi everybody. Yesterday I ate like crazy: sandwiches, croissants, biscuits, the works. I'm battling both overeating and smoking so at times I feel hopeless and a total slave to these addictions. I also need to drink more water, I used to drink lots of it every day, then at some point it just became boring. Crazy, I know. I will try to do my best today.

Welcome. I got into some overeating the other night. I, too, am battling smoking now. I got some nicotine lozenges from the dr. They help.

[fallaximago]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Welcome. I got into some overeating the other night. I, too, am battling smoking now. I got some nicotine lozenges from the dr. They help.

Thank you. I have never tried lozenges nor any other remedy so I think that I'll have to do it cold turkey once again. Was there something that triggered your overeating episode? If it's ok for me to ask, of course.

[Blueberrybook]

Ran a lot today on autopilot, a bit less than yesterday but skipped breakfast. Got groceries and prescriptions, prepped the raw veggies we snack on or that I toss with lettuce for a salad.

Was going, going, going all morning. Ate lunch and watched a show recorded on the DVR.

Tired now, but I need to pick my daughter up from school soon. Wind is blowing hard out there and skies are cloudy and gray; it is going to be no fun waiting for the walkers.

I hate the cold.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by fallaximago

Thank you. I have never tried lozenges nor any other remedy so I think that I'll have to do it cold turkey once again. Was there something that triggered your overeating episode? If it's ok for me to ask, of course.

I was frustrated with my living situation. It's going to change soon but not soon enough for me. I have problematic neighbors and they will be moving this month, thank God. Thanks for your concern.

[shovelhead]

Just ate a delicious & nutritious lunch! Had 1 small piece frosted cake, too! Went out and jump-roped hard. It was a good workout for now Food Is Fuel

[shovelhead]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Ran a lot today on autopilot, a bit less than yesterday but skipped breakfast. Got groceries and prescriptions, prepped the raw veggies we snack on or that I toss with lettuce for a salad.

Was going, going, going all morning. Ate lunch and watched a show recorded on the DVR.

Tired now, but I need to pick my daughter up from school soon. Wind is blowing hard out there and skies are cloudy and gray; it is going to be no fun waiting for the walkers.

I hate the cold.

I got all my raw veggies I love at store yesterday. Broccoli is my favorite now, cuz it's softer. I wish I could run as hard as u do.. I do one HIIT run now. I used to attempt 2. But added jumprope. Does running make u super hungry sometimes?

[Blue_Bird]

Possible trigger:

I overate and want to purge so badly, I can't though. I haven't in 3 months and I promised myself I wouldn't again after 5 years of it and developing GERD , terrible teeth, and the fear I got after that of causing any further more problems health wise that may be much more severe than the ones I've had. I'm very lucky. But I'm so horribly uncomfortable right now.