[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Forgot to post this, I got this paper and little pad the other day, I'm going to use it next time I go grocery shopping to help guide me

Great images bb. I'm doing a lot of combatting negative thoughts. Been doing this a long time but still need it much of the time especially when hard times happen. You are doing so good with what you are doing. I am using the SMART Recovery Workbook for dealing with all addictions including food. I don't think I'll ever perfect it all, it's something to work on when necessary.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Haven't been around much, having problems staying current with forum posts.

I'm still here, still mixed, maybe a little manic.

Yesterday, I ran much less though it was because I spent nearly 3 hours in the dentist's chair getting the initial workup for 2 crowns. I have temporary crowns now until the permanent ones come in, which is usually 2-3 weeks. My lower left jaw is killing me especially as one of the teeth had a large hole where a filling fell out too when the tooth broke. Ugh. That visit cost $1300 (including the permanent crowns). I have another appt. to go back to get the setup for the needed crown on top (another $650). That tooth already has a crown, but decay has set in under it, and if the crown is not replaced, it will become a root canal situation. And these costs are with dental insurance (which pays half the cost for major work). You could buy a used car for this price. My first car at 16 years old cost $500, though, obviously, for that price it was not top-of-the-line and did not have AC (which is not great living in this climate).

Ran more today and walked too. Not good. Did have some cake without too much worry (yesterday was H's birthday). Totally sick of this stupid ED.

It's so nice to see you BBB. I relate to the teeth problems a lot. I give you a lot of credit! I'm still too scared to go because I need a root canal. I just don't think I can sit still for that so long. Cake sounds yummy. I had some cheesecake the other day and man was it good. I was able to control not eating all that I got.

I know how discouraging it can be dealing with all the issues we have. I just do what I can and sometimes it's my best and sometimes it's not.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Arbie

There are barriers beyond my control making it more difficult for me to lose weight. Dietitian spelled them all out for me. Well, that's frustrating. I can be doing everything right, follow the program to the letter, and it still doesn't work.

My initial reaction to what doctors and other health people tell me is to be overwhelmed then I let it sink in. I don't know all your health concerns but I feel you can do it! We all "got this" and just don't know it yet. Like Mickey always says we are all stronger than we think.

[LucyD]

I'm trying to tune in to the positive in my life when there is a lot negative. I noticed when I do then I do better. So many things we may not be able to deal with yet or again or at this time. I just am trying to see the best...for what it's worth.

[LucyD]

I have many days that don't go well so I really like this:

[LucyD]

Something to read and think about:

Why nutritional psychiatry is the future of mental health treatment

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Arbie

There are barriers beyond my control making it more difficult for me to lose weight. Dietitian spelled them all out for me. Well, that's frustrating. I can be doing everything right, follow the program to the letter, and it still doesn't work.

I'm so sorry. I hate when doctors list out reasons for why you have trouble or can't do X, Y, Z.

I seem to have these problems with my mental illnesses, why doctors tell me I get sick a lot or why I have trouble doing things like organizing and probably always will. EDs aren't good no matter which type you have, and nearly all of them, unless it's something like pica, stem from the same problems that often cut down to childhood crap.

[Blueberrybook]

Here but feel horrid today. My daughter (11 yr. old) had insomnia last night, kept waking me. I couldn't go back to sleep after she woke me crying around 2 AM. I only got her to sleep with children's Benadryl, and that was something like 5 or 5:30 AM. I am exhausted.

[Blueberrybook]

How is everyone else doing? OK eating wise today, but the stupid ED and exercise. I actually went jogging in light/rain drizzle in the dark (early morning). I think the running in the dark thing might be mixed with the bipolar, sort of a manic (risky) behavior. My bipolar is type I with mixed features and it seems the "with mixed features" is mostly my default, unfortunately. I may have lost some more weight. Looking bonier and haven't weighed myself in 4, 5 days. I'm tempted. But I guess the good thing is I only take the weight after using the bathroom in the morning as my normal weight, so once I've drunk or eaten anything, I don't bother. Don't know if I can hold out much longer. I wish I could, but IDK.

Why do we put so much of our self-worth into a stupid number on the scale? And so much so that even 1 or 2 lb. more or less makes a huge difference. Ugh, EDs just suck.

[Albatross2008]

Eating wisely as well, following directions, weight loss still not happening. By all accounts, it isn't that I'm doing anything wrong. For some reason my metabolism just isn't cooperating. I'm being advised to keep up what I'm doing, and just wait.

[Albatross2008]

My husband is (most likely without meaning to) starting to sabotage things. We both need to lose weight, and we're both in this program. Yesterday he went shopping for things I needed. I had given him a specific list. He came home with some extra things I hadn't asked for, and they were high calorie. Some of it he intended to share with me, and others he intended for me alone. We talked about it. Even though he has undermined my efforts before, let's hope he doesn't do it again, or else I'll need professional help dealing with it. I need him to stop offering, buying, or bringing me food that I didn't ask for.

[88Butterfly88]

It was a so-so day eating wise.

[88Butterfly88]

Ate a bit too much today, will try to eat less tomorrow.

[Blueberrybook]

Started stupid period today. It was late to start and now has a lot of brown spotting (sorry, TMI). It got me worried enough I bought a pregnancy test. I was a couple days late and had pink/brown spotting when I got pregnant with my daughter. H and I have not used birth control since I got my copper IUD removed around 2010 to try for a second baby. Secondary infertility, they determined after a year or so of good timing and no pregnancy, and neither of us wanted the stress and strain and cost of fertility treatment. Paid a couple extra dollars to get the store brand digital test (hate squinting at lines, wondering if you really see something or are just imagining it). Negative test. Starting to feel too old if I should get pregnant at 41, not to mention all the meds I am on. Thinking the overexercise (running) and/or weight loss may be making my cycle get wonky. Doubt it’s peri menopause; my mom was 60, maybe 61 when she started menopause.

Got up late today because H and I had to spend yesterday evening/early night cleaning the dust off the refrigerator coils behind the refrigerator because the refrigerator had stopped running. I think that fixed it. It was a huge pain though, had to remove everything from the fridge so H could pull it out from the built in nook, which is the size of the standard refrigerator in the 1970s, so a very cramped space on top of the kitchen being a galley kitchen.

Went to a math competition for my daughter this AM. She won 2nd place for her grade level, out of around 45 kids from all the district elementary schools (around 7 schools). She’s got those sensory issues, but in things like math, she is highly gifted.

Spent most of the afternoon reading. I will have to cook dinner soon and don’t want to. If it were just me, I’d make a sandwich or eat soup or something. I hate, hate, hate meal planning and cooking and buying groceries, but especially cooking, meal times just keep coming around and around and around again.

[Albatross2008]

Sticking to the program like glue. Weight loss, however, is slow to nonexistent. There are some factors beyond my control. One thing we found out--I really, REALLY should not have dairy. You don't want to know why. Having switched to plant-based protein, let's see what kind of effect it has on me.

Hubby no longer sabotaging things for me. Right now he's maybe not making the best choices, but that's his program, not mine. At least he's letting me do me, and if he's going to relapse, I don't have to go with him.

[LucyD]

Haven't been here, been struggling with pain and physical therapy and "things." Haven't read the posts. Don't have the energy to catch up.

Wishing everyone all the best for their lives. We can all do this One Day At a Time..

I was thinking about it and no one deserves the way we beat ourselves up. All's we've done is try to live in this crazy society that puts too much value on outward looks and makes us hurt.

I hope you all have a good week.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Haven't been here, been struggling with pain and physical therapy and "things." Haven't read the posts. Don't have the energy to catch up.

Wishing everyone all the best for their lives. We can all do this One Day At a Time..

I was thinking about it and no one deserves the way we beat ourselves up. All's we've done is try to live in this crazy society that puts too much value on outward looks and makes us hurt.

I hope you all have a good week.

So sorry Lucy. I'm the same with keeping up with posts.

I HATE the images society forces us to feel we need to meet to be an acceptable or good person, especially for women (though I know there are plenty of males with EDs too).

I also hate that there are also all these pro-ED sites & forums that drag in a lot of young teenagers and basically cause them to want to be anorexic, tips, daily updates, triggering stuff, photos, etc., and then what do you know, they become anorexic and/or bulimic? I was already deep into anorexia before going to one of those sites when I was in college (they cloak themselves a bit since my college days, but you definitely still can find plenty out there, you just have to look for the right stuff/sites to get there). I belonged to a couple recovery forums that were once very active, some are gone, and the active ones maybe get a couple posts in 2 weeks, if even that.

Hollywood makes it seem glamorous to have anorexia (like it's the golden standard of eating disorders everyone should aim for), and the reality is that it is not glamorous at all, it sucks so, so, so much, just like all eating disorders suck.

I've run across studies that estimate at least 3 out of 4 women have some sort of disordered eating thoughts or habits, even if they do not have a diagnosed ED, will do things like skip a meal because of their weight or feelings about their images. That is just messed up.

[Blueberrybook]

Running too much though I am enjoying having H being able to work from home Tuesdays and Thursdays. The running is an addiction too, but it is tied to the ED. If I don't run, I don't let myself eat as much as I should be eating. And always, always I have the guilt about eating period.

I am anxious right now. My mom is having gallbladder removal surgery. She ended up going to the ER after 3 days of bad stomach pain (stubborn). She had a gallstone ending up in a bile duct, clogging the duct. They are removing her gallbladder but think she may have passed the gallstone in the duct; they will assess during this surgery whether she will need another.

I so hate myself for having panic attacks and anxiety driving on busy roads and freeways. She is at a hospital roughly an hour's drive away, but on the worst and busiest freeways off the Houston metro area, and I just can't drive it to be there right now. Both my sisters are driving out to help, one doing a long drive from the Dallas area, anywhere from a 4-6 hr. drive, that entire route tends to be busy these days.

I should be there, and I'm not because of my stupid panic disorder

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

So sorry Lucy. I'm the same with keeping up with posts.

I HATE the images society forces us to feel we need to meet to be an acceptable or good person, especially for women (though I know there are plenty of males with EDs too).

I also hate that there are also all these pro-ED sites & forums that drag in a lot of young teenagers and basically cause them to want to be anorexic, tips, daily updates, triggering stuff, photos, etc., and then what do you know, they become anorexic and/or bulimic? I was already deep into anorexia before going to one of those sites when I was in college (they cloak themselves a bit since my college days, but you definitely still can find plenty out there, you just have to look for the right stuff/sites to get there). I belonged to a couple recovery forums that were once very active, some are gone, and the active ones maybe get a couple posts in 2 weeks, if even that.

Hollywood makes it seem glamorous to have anorexia (like it's the golden standard of eating disorders everyone should aim for), and the reality is that it is not glamorous at all, it sucks so, so, so much, just like all eating disorders suck.

I've run across studies that estimate at least 3 out of 4 women have some sort of disordered eating thoughts or habits, even if they do not have a diagnosed ED, will do things like skip a meal because of their weight or feelings about their images. That is just messed up.

I agree with all you've said. It's a sad thing.

[LucyD]

I hope everyone sleeps well.

[Puma89074]

So I am new to this community and new to this kind of community. I am trying to figure out coping skills for when my brain is telling me I am hungry, but my body is not hungry. Sometimes it has to do with emotions, but sometimes it is just plain boredom; or sometimes it is because I want something other than food that I cannot have at the moment, some kind of psychological reassurance. My goal here is to fight back, to get my mind to rule my body and not the other way around. I think taking a walk is usually helpful, but I am in a situation where I am not always free to get up and walk around. Any ideas for healthy coping skills would be greatly appreciated.

[LucyD]

Hi Puma..sounds like you know quite a bit about why you and many of us eat or don't eat. Glad you are here..

[LucyD]

It's been another very struggly day. Glad it's over.

[Gr3tta_0]

I need to schedule a surgery for myself. The doctor weighed me as i was ( in heavy snow boots, literally 8 layers of clothes, my winter coat, and holding my purse which in itself weighs several pounds ) And given that it was still low, and no concerns. I'm always confused about others confrontations? Maybe i just look so darn healthy. Anyhow, i am super happy to get the sugery scheduled. I was concerned I'd get more "wait and see" attitude, but that didn't happen.
Hope all are well.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0

I need to schedule a surgery for myself. The doctor weighed me as i was ( in heavy snow boots, literally 8 layers of clothes, my winter coat, and holding my purse which in itself weighs several pounds ) And given that it was still low, and no concerns. I'm always confused about others confrontations? Maybe i just look so darn healthy. Anyhow, i am super happy to get the sugery scheduled. I was concerned I'd get more "wait and see" attitude, but that didn't happen.
Hope all are well.

Good to see you. I hope the surgery goes well and your recovery is smoothe. I don't know why you are having surgery but know this is always a serious thing to undergo.