[blackenedangel]

I have battled with eating disorders many times in my life, in fact, ever since I was 7 years old. I am going up and down a rollar coaster constantly and I hate it. I have had anorexia and bulimia nervosa and now I have a funny feeling I am battling binge eating. I have gained almost 55 pds in less than 6 mths and it is worrying me. Lately, however I have had no appetite and it if I do I ignore it, I know this is not a good thing to do, but I am doing it and it is hard to stop. I have no appetite hardley at all and the only time I seem to eat is when my family or my husband Christopher is around or if I get shakey and even then I eat very little due to not being hungry. I am up and down this rollar coaster constantly and I want it to stop, but I am not sure how. I have not told my psychologist due to her putting back in the hospital (maybe) and I do not want that. I have no one else to talk to and I was hoping maybe someone could help. I do do a little bit of exercising, like walking, but not much. When I do eat, I just want to throw it up, but I have made too many promises so I don't and then I sit with the guilt of getting "fatter." Six months ago I was in a size 12 and now I am around the size of about 18 and up and it really bothers me, so I have cut down on my eating all together, which I know is not safe, but I am not sure how else to do it. Someone please help me get over this roller coaster ride. Thank You for your time and patience.
Your one and only Kitten,
Brandi Kathleen "meow"

<font color=purple>Cat Kisses
Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin
That is the way for a day to begin!
Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr
I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur.
Author Unknown </font color=purple>

[itsjustme111]

BLACKENEDANGEL. Hey there, how are you doing? It seems like you are having a real tough time with the eating issues. I am bulimic and struggling with this at the present time. I feel for you and I can appreciate how you feel right now. You had mentioned that you have struggled with this in the past. What helped you before. It sounds like this has been a life long struggle. I try not to give advice right now because my bulimia has taken control over me; or I have let it. I know its not easy at all to stop. Between starvation; then eating and purging; it is hard on ones body and emotions. When I saw your title; roller coaster ride; I realized that I am not alone in this. I wish I could make it better for you. I hope and pray that you are able to get help with this. I am here anytime to talk. I may not be able to help but to have an understanding; I sure can help with that. Please keep in touch. Wishing you all the best and we are thinking of you. Hang in there.
itsjustme

[gloria]

Blackenedangel and itsjustme111;
Hung in there ladies!!!
find tricks that work for you. I don't have an eating disorder so, I don't think I can even imagine how you feel, but I have a hard time keeping my weight. I am always writting down what I ate everyday to make sure I had the proper intake of the proper stuff or I'll loose wieght.
Do you think something like that could help you?
I'm sorry I don't have many ideas, but know that we care!

gab

[blackenedangel]

Thank you for your kind words, you are so very sweet! No, itjustme, you are not alone in this, I am right there with you. In the past, I can not remember how I got through this if I did have a way. I am having to do this all on my own and I can not tell anyone or they will think I am doing it on purpose and I do not want them to think that, because I am not, I have made too many promises and I just do not want to do anything to break those promises (I don't make promises I can't keep). Getting through this is very hard and especially having to do it on my own is even harder. Things like this makes it scary to think that I might end up back in the hospital and I do not want that, I am just having a fall back is all and no one on my end (my family) will not be able to understand that, so it makes it very hard.
I hope you do get through it too. The thing is, it is very hard not to let these "eating disorder monsters" not to take over our lives, I have struggled too many times with letting them and not letting them and it is very hard. I am sure you and I both will get through this. I do know there is a stop to this roller coaster ride somewhere, we just have to find it...eventually. Thank you for your reply it really meant a lot to me. If you ever need to talk just know that I am here for you as well. Bye for now. Time to go and get my husband up and ready for work. Stitch (from Disney's Lilo and Stitch) will give you a BIG hug.

<font color=blue> Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you,
Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" </font color=blue>
<font color=purple>Cat Kisses
Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin
That is the way for a day to begin!
Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr
I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur.
Author Unknown </font color=purple>

[blackenedangel]

I have tried writing down what I eat, but when I do, I just eat less and less when I see what I have eaten, but that was about a couple of years ago, but now that I am (a little) bit older maybe I can try it again and it might work. I really appreciate your idea and your reply, it really means a lot to me. Thank you! Bye for now.

<font color=blue> Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you,
Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" </font color=blue>
<font color=purple>Cat Kisses
Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin
That is the way for a day to begin!
Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr
I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur.
Author Unknown </font color=purple>

[itsjustme111]

Angel; thank you for sharing this with me. I like the little blue guy to. My kids watch that show all the time. Hes kind of cute; blue is my favorite color. I hope you are feeling okay; I will think of you and hope to find strength from your kind words. Let me know how its going. Take care.

itsjustme

[blackenedangel]

So far today, I am doing fine, I ate half and english muffin with butter and a little honey on it and I feel guilty for eating it, but I am keeping it down, so far. Your welcome for sharing that stuff with you, it is nice to know I have someone else to talk to, besides my family and husband (in which I can barely communicate with), but I will get the hang of it sooner or later. I will keep you in my thoughts as well. By the way, the little blue guy's name is Stitch and he is my favorite cartoon character. He is sssooo cute. Bye for now.

<font color=blue> Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you,
Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" </font color=blue>
<font color=purple>Cat Kisses
Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin
That is the way for a day to begin!
Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr
I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur.
Author Unknown </font color=purple>

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((((Brandi))))))))))))))))))))


<div class="foot">(Edited by Fuzzybear on 08/10/04 03:37 AM.)</div>

[gloria]

I'm glad to hear you are keeping it in .... I really hope you stay in control.

Lots of love from over here.

gab

[blackenedangel]

Thanks for the hug, Fuzzybear. They mean a lot to me.
((((((((((((Fuzzybear)))))))))))))

<font color=blue> Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you,
Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" </font color=blue>
<font color=purple>Cat Kisses
Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin
That is the way for a day to begin!
Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr
I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur.
Author Unknown </font color=purple>

[blackenedangel]

I am trying to, but it has been so hard. I don't make promises that I can't keep and this one has been very hard to break, especially considering I have broke one of the same kind before. Not fun. It is hard, but I will make, I know I will.

<font color=blue> Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you,
Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" </font color=blue>
<font color=purple>Cat Kisses
Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin
That is the way for a day to begin!
Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr
I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur.
Author Unknown </font color=purple>